Is our time split unusual?

[Magdlyn]

Originally Posted by vodkafan

... last Sunday evening our boiler broke down and we had no hot water for the children's baths. A quick phone call and then we put the three youngest ones in the car and my wife bathed them all (and had a shower herself) at D's flat and then I picked the kids up in their pyjamas, which they thought was a great adventure. The next day to say thanks I cooked him a dinner and my wife left it in his flat with a note for when he came home from work.
It's just about trust and talking.
My wife absolutely loves the fact she has the support and resources of two men. We think we have the best wife out there.

That's so sweet! But good god, man, 3 youngest kids? how many do you have?

My advice would be to try the schedule they want for a month or so Magdlyn and see how it works out. Would there be any strings attached like you cannot contact her during that time?

Oh no, we often text each other to check in when on dates.

We'll see how it goes. It's an exciting step.

[LovingRadiance]

Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive

Geeze does this thread hit home. This is the single biggest issue in our relationship right now.

Basically, Violet monopolizes the unholy hell out of my time, and feels justified in doing so, and the other 2 get the table scraps. And whenever I try to work things differently, there's hell to pay. And GOD FORBID anyone tell Violet that she's doing so; THAT'S a can of worms NOBODY wants to open anymore.

Basically, Lana respects my time with Violet to a degree that's unhealthy for her and is alternately tolerant and respectful of my time with Adrian.

And Violet is alternately resentful of my time with either of them or totally benevolent - "hey baby? [Adrian/Lana] really seems to need you right now. Why don't I go [insert something here] while you take a few hours to take care of her". And then uses that as ammunition the next time one of them voices an issue with her getting every night and half the days with me.

*sigh*

Ditto.
I spend every night with Maca. During the week he leaves for work early and I generally spend those mornings with GG. Weekends are Maca's.

However, I have the kids in the morning during the week. Since I homeschool, I can't just relax and curl up in bed all morning. I have to get up and make sure that they have help for their school work and morning routine.
On the weekend Mimi gets up with the kids, so I have longer mornings in bed with Maca.

GG definitely gets "table scraps" of my time. He never complains. But-it bothers me.

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by vodkafan

For instance last Sunday evening our boiler broke down and we had no hot water for the children's baths. A quick phone call and then we put the three youngest ones in the car and my wife bathed them all (and had a shower herself) at D's flat and then I picked the kids up in their pyjamas, which they thought was a great adventure. The next day to say thanks I cooked him a dinner and my wife left it in his flat with a note for when he came home from work.
It's just about trust and talking.
My wife absolutely loves the fact she has the support and resources of two men. We think we have the best wife out there.

In our house we call this "extended consideration." Mono has talked on this topic before. It is what I mean by empathy and compassion when I talk of foundations... making choices for the greater good of all. Yes, it is about trust, talking, flexibility, support, resources also... whatever you want to call it... but it really is thee most essential part of making long term poly arrangements work...

Its taking the self out of situations knowing that in the long run that is returned and given back to you. When I give to my partners it is returned to me in so many ways that I don't even know about yet. It's a surprise a lot of the time... it also means I feel confident in my requests of them too. Also important. Its the back bone to a poly family as far as I am concerned. It's a mini community that is truly a team in the most purist way.

This makes me happy and more grateful about my own life and family. Thanks Vodkafan for sharing the details. I don't know if my men see me as the best wife ever, but whatever, they are the best husbands ever... I'm sure your wife and I would have to fight that one out!

[vodkafan]

Originally Posted by Magdlyn

That's so sweet! But good god, man, 3 youngest kids? how many do you have?

.

6 but only 5 at home now.....one is at university

[SNeacail]

6 kids , no wonder she needs 2 husbands and at least a day off.

[Magdlyn]

Wow, that is a large family, VF. Many questions:

How long have you 2 been practicing poly?
How long has she has this bf?
Do you have a lover too, or are you not interested in that?
How do your kids explain their "2 daddies" to their friends and community?
Are you a closed V, or open to others?

[vodkafan]

Originally Posted by Magdlyn

Wow, that is a large family, VF. Many questions:

How long have you 2 been practicing poly?
How long has she has this bf?
Do you have a lover too, or are you not interested in that?
How do your kids explain their "2 daddies" to their friends and community?
Are you a closed V, or open to others?

Hi Magdlyn, sorry quick answers I have to start work!

Almost 8 months now
she knew D 2 months before , there was a little bit of deceit at the beginning.
No lover for me, not interested, D and I are both mono.
The kids don't tell anybody. We haven't told them not to, they just don't.
We are definitely closed.

[Magdlyn]

Thanks. You all seem to be doing very well with your first try at poly!

[vodkafan]

Originally Posted by Magdlyn

Thanks. You all seem to be doing very well with your first try at poly!

Haha first and last.

[Runeshower]

So are their 3 days on a steady schedule (the same days of the week) most of the time, or do you schedule the 3 days in a more spontaneous manner?

I am considering a similar time splitting arrangement and am trying to understand how scheduling might work. I wouldn't want, for instance, to have one partner have all the weekend days and the other none. Scheduling the same set dates each week (with flexibility to change around as needed) would help set expectations nicely, but I also like the idea of scheduling the 3-day block about 2 weeks in advance based on what else is on the calendar. Does that seem workable, from your experience?