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Old 12-01-2013, 08:58 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by london View Post
And I've changed my mind, my ideal configuration would be like SCs.
It was fun explaining it to my mom at Yule last year. Throw in that someone in that chain is my former supervisor, that someone else is trans, and that two of their kids were fathered and are being co-parented by a gay drag queen who was also there that evening... I think we broke her brain a little bit.

Normal is boring.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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Old 12-01-2013, 09:15 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Originally Posted by london View Post
For example, the mono/poly thread was someone monogamous wondering if her being monogamous means that she couldn't be in a poly relationship.
Which was exactly my point. You'll need to be clearer about your objection because I don't understand what you're trying to say.
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Old 12-01-2013, 09:43 AM
london london is offline
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There often seems to be a tendency for people new to poly—and sometimes old-timers as well—to see a particular relationship shape as The One True Way To Be Poly™. Thisthen leads to communication problems when they assume that everyone else uses the same definitions that they do.
What I said is based on this part of the OP. I see how those threads are relevant to the next paragraph.
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Old 12-01-2013, 02:46 PM
pulliman pulliman is offline
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
AFAIK, my girlfriend's husband's boyfriend's wife doesn't have another partner, but I don't keep tabs.
This is SUCH a great line. Thanks for making my morning.

Some cultures have very rich vocabularies for familial relationships, e.g. the brother of your mother has a different title than the brother of your father or the husband of your mother's sister, etc. It would be interesting to live in a culture that had something similar for poly relationships.
Other cultures are ridiculously nebulous, and everyone outside of your spouse is an in-law. It makes for powerful word usage, because it's so flexible. In large families, you can just toss out the word and keep going, nobody blinks. They either know who the hell you're talking about or have no clue, and if they have no clue, well, it's an in-law, someone in the family.

I think metamour does a good job of that, just in an extended way. That whole tangle? Maybe they're all each other's metamours...
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Old 12-01-2013, 05:23 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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I don't know how to make a pretty one, but here is our current config:

(The little grey dashed fans that come from VVs and TTs circle indicate that they may/do have other partners but I "don't keep tabs.")

Just for shits and giggles (and cause I'm a little OCD ) I made a "complicated" version that shows the various degrees of NON-sexual friendships in our group (blue lines) as well as gender and cohabitation configs (red boxes):

It amuses me to note that, while MrS looks to be rather isolated on the sexual/romantic version (as he only has ME), he is actually the most "embedded" in the friendship tangle.
JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, ex-FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 12-01-2013 at 05:48 PM.
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Old 12-01-2013, 06:27 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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That's pretty cool Jane.

Mine (which I'm not going to try to draw) would end up that way too. GG would look isolated, except he's the one with the deepest ties in a friend/familial way to EVERYONE. lol Whereas Maca dates others and there's always someone in line (which I don't keep track of) but he's generally not really social and he doesn't "get in deep" with people very often at all.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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Old 12-01-2013, 07:32 PM
pulliman pulliman is offline
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Oh my god, Jane, that's awesome. Love it.
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Old 12-10-2013, 02:51 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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My ideal configuration would be a daisy. Me in the center, with four or five "petals" extending out to my lovers.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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Old 12-10-2013, 03:55 AM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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We look like a water molecule.
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 50/50 split of time between my two husbands.
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Old 12-10-2013, 07:19 PM
WhatToDo WhatToDo is offline
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Ideally my preferred structure would look like an N. A closed N although I wouldn't have an issue if the 2 ends of that N wanted to expand the grouping.
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