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Old 08-24-2016, 04:01 PM
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Default Bad experiences, safety tips

So I'd like to start a thread here where people can talk about things they've experienced or read or heard about that were legit BAD and share any tips to stay safe...

This could be "I got conned by an identity thief in online dating, and if I knew then what I know now, I'd have avoided these red flags"

Or "This BDSM technique injured me, or I read about some very bad outcomes, and caution others about this."

If there is graphic content to a post, then a trigger warning is probably in order.

Thoughts...good idea? Bad idea?

I've got something I have seen written about on Fetlife, that I want to share and I will in the next post...
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Old 08-24-2016, 04:11 PM
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Default Solar branding

EDIT: TRIGGER WARNING: Burns, description of injuries. (I wanted to put this in a spoiler box, but can't figure out the BB Code to make that work. Oh well. )

......




I have read that some body mod fetishists have recently experimented with branding using the sun, as in the way many of us might have used a magnifying glass to burn things as children, only on humans. One person did a brand all the way around the circumference of a bottom's ankle, which apparently experienced branders know you simply don't do even with established techniques.

Solar branding can cause FOURTH DEGREE BURNS. This means not only through the entire epidermis, but down to muscle or even bone. This woman is in the hospital, and funds are being raised for the care of victims of this, the particular person I read about is having the dead flesh debrided and grafts placed...but it's miraculous that her foot was even saved.

So, long story short, SOLAR BRANDING IS A REALLY BAD IDEA. DON'T DO IT.
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Old 08-25-2016, 10:04 AM
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Default

Spoiler: graphic

Once a kinky guy I was chatting with asked me if I would cut off his pinky. I wasn't in danger, but goodness, that was a hardcore fetish.
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Old 08-25-2016, 05:13 PM
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Spork, I've been seeing posts about the same issue.

One thing that hasn't happened to me, but I've seen other sub-types mention: If you're talking kink or BDSM with someone with the intention of interacting with them in that vein, and they refuse to discuss limits or negotiations. Some folks have gotten the unfortunate idea from a certain book series, or from other sources, that the Dom is in charge entirely and the sub should just keep their mouth shut and take whatever's dished out. (And that assumption doesn't only come from Dom-types; some sub-types refuse to discuss limits because they think they shouldn't have any. Which is equally dangerous.)

Hell, even if you're talking about meeting in a purely vanilla context, you should be able to set boundaries. If the person you're talking to doesn't accept that, it might be a red flag.

Last edited by KC43; 08-25-2016 at 05:15 PM.
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Old 08-25-2016, 07:46 PM
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I met someone on OKC who said they were in a jam and needed a place to stay. I foolishly offered them a room in my house. It was supposed to last a few weeks but it went well beyond that, and the person showed her true colors which taught me the hard way to never let anyone into my house again.

It's unfortunate that we can't be generous towards people who need help, but we absolutely can't. That's what I learned anyway.
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Old 08-26-2016, 01:10 PM
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I get a lot of messages on Okc from guys from places like Pakistan and Iran etc. Often it is young men with a low match-percentage. Well, I do just delete them routinely, so no bad experiences there, really. However, recently Okc has added a warning text before showing these messages. Don't remember the exact text, but it warns about giving away any personal details or sending anyone money. It does not appear when a local person or someone with high match-% contacts me.
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Old 08-26-2016, 04:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KC43 View Post
Spork, I've been seeing posts about the same issue.

One thing that hasn't happened to me, but I've seen other sub-types mention: If you're talking kink or BDSM with someone with the intention of interacting with them in that vein, and they refuse to discuss limits or negotiations. Some folks have gotten the unfortunate idea from a certain book series, or from other sources, that the Dom is in charge entirely and the sub should just keep their mouth shut and take whatever's dished out. (And that assumption doesn't only come from Dom-types; some sub-types refuse to discuss limits because they think they shouldn't have any. Which is equally dangerous.)

Hell, even if you're talking about meeting in a purely vanilla context, you should be able to set boundaries. If the person you're talking to doesn't accept that, it might be a red flag.
Yes. There has been a lot of hooplah on fet (and in communities) about "topping from the bottom." One of the most respected community leaders I know gets huffy and offended by people using this phrase or implying that the bottom doesn't have a right to say what happens. The bottom absolutely has every right to say what does and does not happen. In a good, healthy dynamic, both the top and the bottom are there to serve one another's needs and respect one another's boundaries. Any failure in that, is a failure in the interaction.

The only time that a top can reasonably take the position that negotiations and discussion of limits aren't really necessary, is when he has a well-established relationship, with lots of trust going both ways, with a bottom, and he already knows her limits (just using these pronouns for ease/example, obviously the roles can go to any gender)...and he is operating in a set of expectations that is already established.

The only example I've ever heard of where someone was in fact "topping from the bottom" involved a pro-Domme and a client. They had already fully negotiated the session, and it was underway, and he started to demand things of her that they had not agreed upon. He seemed to feel that since he'd paid for her services, he was entitled to get anything he asked for (or, as I say, DEMANDED.) He will not be enjoying her services again.

But there is a big difference between negotiating your needs, limits, triggers and boundaries, and being pushy and demanding during a scene.

..........

Regarding the posts about OKC/OLD scammers...

I think that men are more likely to be the targets of scams than women in the world of online dating. Anyone have any thoughts about that theory? I was definitely peppered with the typical dozens or hundreds of "Hey" "Hi" "How r u sexy" messages which I ignored. But my ex had one woman supposedly from Turkey, they talked for weeks, the story was this stunning woman lived in Denver, but went back to Turkey to visit family, but some strife or political drama was making it difficult for her to come back. And in order to keep the promised date (promised for when she returned) she might need him to buy her plane ticket.

And then there were more than one woman that I think was a legit person, but an opiate pill addict who latched onto him hoping that because he was a disabled vet (which he stated in his profile) he had easy access to lots of good pain drugs that they could cadge off of him.

I have personally met a few girls (mostly younger, sometimes college students) who openly admitted that they did a whole ton of first dates with the expectation that the guy would buy them dinner, and got free meals that way.

And I know one girl, who I'd call a "predatory sub"...she uses the dating scene and moves into a man's house, and ends up stealing from him, and prostituting out of the house to raise money for drugs.

I would say that men in the dating world of today have to be at LEAST as careful as women, if for possibly different reasons.
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Analyst, Fire & Hefe My poly quad from August 2015 to July 2016. Still dear & loved friends.

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Ninja- 19, Son
Q- 16, Son

Old Wolf- Ex Husband
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  #8  
Old 08-27-2016, 07:49 AM
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Default Related thread

Just thought I'd point out that a somewhat related thread on safety when meeting someone / going on dates is here: Dating safety. It's a good thread with lots of tips (mostly at the beginning). I know this thread isn't just focused on dating, but it reminded me of the other one, so I just wanted to put that out there.
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Old 08-27-2016, 11:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Spork View Post
I think that men are more likely to be the targets of scams than women in the world of online dating. Anyone have any thoughts about that theory?

Because women usually don't need to part with money for an opportunity to have sex and men often do. Scammers always go where the money is.
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Old 09-17-2016, 04:32 PM
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Learn from my mistake: If you are volunteering at a wildlife rescue, and a nice old lady comes in saying she has an injured pigeon in the cardboard box she is holding... put on the thick leather wildlife gloves before you open the box. It's never a pigeon. It's definitely a pissed off red tailed hawk.

What I want to know is: how did that nice old lady get that angry, angry bird into the box in the first place?? :P
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