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  #11  
Old 12-01-2013, 06:38 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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My hunch is that what she needs in a friend right now is support and compassion, without getting tangled up with perceived competition.

Whether or not that perceived competition is remnant from monogamous thinking is secondary at this point in the game. Getting rid of competitive and jealous tendencies is a nice goal, but it doesn't happen overnight. Along the way, it's nice to have your friends rooting in your corner, and not second guessing whether they really have your best interests at heart.

In the midst of trying to learn how to maneuver a poly lifestyle, there is sometimes a tendency to overcompensate. Some people believe that feeling jealousy means they're doing it wrong, they're flunking the poly exam. So they might tell you "yeah sure, I don't mind" when they kinda do mind, because they don't want to come off as hypocritical.

Sure, at the end of the day, it's up to B and you whether you date. But just because we have autonomy, doesn't mean we have to make choices that we believe might hurt our friends just to prove we're in control of our own lives.
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  #12  
Old 12-01-2013, 05:46 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
In the midst of trying to learn how to maneuver a poly lifestyle, there is sometimes a tendency to overcompensate. Some people believe that feeling jealousy means they're doing it wrong, they're flunking the poly exam. So they might tell you "yeah sure, I don't mind" when they kinda do mind, because they don't want to come off as hypocritical.

Sure, at the end of the day, it's up to B and you whether you date. But just because we have autonomy, doesn't mean we have to make choices that we believe might hurt our friends just to prove we're in control of our own lives.
That's good food for thought SC.
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  #13  
Old 02-01-2014, 04:09 AM
Handmaiden Handmaiden is offline
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Gosh this was ages ago... thanks all for your thoughts. I ended up deciding not to go there, and I'm glad I made that decision as they are deep in NRE and making all kinds of crazy decisions that I really don't want to get entangled in! I will post an update of where I'm at, as I can't really talk about it much with people who get it.
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