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  #1  
Old 09-12-2014, 03:04 PM
Lizzy30 Lizzy30 is offline
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Unhappy I don't want it anymore! At the breaking point!

My man has been with his GF for about 5 months. Him and I have been together over 2yrs. It all began with my fantasy that became reality, my man having another woman.
In the beginning it was a good situation, we all hooked up and got along fine but he went through NRE and I went through extreme jealousy. I wanted out after only a month or so. The #1 problem was that I hadn't done any research about this. Anyway, we all met about it and they both made me feel as if I was crazy! He thought I was being rediculous and I made a decision I should stick with since I wanted it. We then decided to start keeping the relationships seperate w/out sharing details to me and her about our relationship with him. I ended up researching and going seeping into myself to learn how to deal with my jealousies and emotions.... I sure did. However forwarding to today. I told him last night I want out! I cannot share him with her anymore!!!!
It's all a big mess now bcz he moved me in with his family with plans for him to move in as well a few months down. We were in the process of growing and building a life together.
Right now, I don't know what's going to happen. But it's definitely not good! Pls help!!!!
This is the man I would die for, I miss him already. If I stay in this relationship I will go mad, I can't anymore bcz depression is not good at all, I'm tired of being lonely, jealous and crying all the time. I've been trying soooo hard!
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  #2  
Old 09-12-2014, 05:21 PM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizzy30 View Post
My man has been with his GF for about 5 months. Him and I have been together over 2yrs. It all began with my fantasy that became reality, my man having another woman.
In the beginning it was a good situation, we all hooked up and got along fine but he went through NRE and I went through extreme jealousy. I wanted out after only a month or so. The #1 problem was that I hadn't done any research about this. Anyway, we all met about it and they both made me feel as if I was crazy! He thought I was being rediculous and I made a decision I should stick with since I wanted it. We then decided to start keeping the relationships seperate w/out sharing details to me and her about our relationship with him. I ended up researching and going seeping into myself to learn how to deal with my jealousies and emotions.... I sure did. However forwarding to today. I told him last night I want out! I cannot share him with her anymore!!!!
It's all a big mess now bcz he moved me in with his family with plans for him to move in as well a few months down. We were in the process of growing and building a life together.
Right now, I don't know what's going to happen. But it's definitely not good! Pls help!!!!
This is the man I would die for, I miss him already. If I stay in this relationship I will go mad, I can't anymore bcz depression is not good at all, I'm tired of being lonely, jealous and crying all the time. I've been trying soooo hard!
I'm sorry you're having a hard time its sucks that you find yourself in a situation that you can't handle. you could move out and find someone who wants to be in a monogamous relationship with you since you don't want to be in a poly relationship with your boyfriend. You can expect him to break up with her in order to keep you that won't be good for your relationship at all he will always resent you for it that's not even a good way to start a marriage. On the other side you could choose to stay with him in jail with your uncomfortableness and waited out they might end up breaking up later on down the road and then you can tell him you don't want to be poly anymore but I would honestly ask him beforehand because because what would happen if him and her did end up breaking up and then he just found someone else to be with somebody who isn't going to be able to give you what you need
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  #3  
Old 09-12-2014, 06:11 PM
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Garriguette Garriguette is offline
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Lizzy, I can't tell you what's right for you. But I can share a post I read every once in a while, when it has started to seem as if I *have* to stay, even if I can't handle what that entails:

http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.co...have-to-do-it/

You can walk away, if you determine that having a poly partner isn't consistent with your long-term happiness. It might not feel like you'll be happy without him. You might not want to leave. But it's important to remember that staying is an option, not the only option, and that you're not wrong for having relationship preferences that differ from his.
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  #4  
Old 09-12-2014, 06:29 PM
Lizzy30 Lizzy30 is offline
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Red face

I feel so guilty and responsible since this was my idea, my fantasy. We spoke a while ago and that went well. He asked about the situation so I told him, I've struggled about it for a while and I couldn't go on w/out telling him I want out. Now it's in him, not sure what to do but he knows I'm serious!
Thanks guys!
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  #5  
Old 09-12-2014, 10:54 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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I am sorry you hurt.

Do not confuse "guilt" with "disappointment" and "regret."
  • Guilt = you did something wrong and you know it.
  • Disappointment = you did something you thought would turn out one way, but sad it turned out another.
  • Regret = you wish you hadn't gone there in the first place. Because the price of admission to improved health now might be letting go of the (you + him) layer of relationship.

Some things you have to try on to find out for sure. Unfortunate that this did not pan out.

OLDER PAST:

You started as a triad, you were done with that in a month. You guys talked and tried a V shape. Now you find that does not work either.

VERY RECENT PAST:

You are past limit and don't want to try any more. Know what? It is totally ok. You are the one who owns your own "willing and able." Whatever it was in the past? TODAY you are at "not willing, no longer able."

PRESENT

You told him where you stand. Put it out there, let the cards fall, and getting on with the sorting to see what emerges next. (<-- you are now here. This is good! Moving away from the hurting place! baby steps!)

Don't beat yourself up about it. You are at breaking point and do not want this anymore. Let the cards fall where they may.

CLOUDY FUTURE (still sorting)

What rises as the next thing? That depends on where the "willing and able" lies with the other people. Don't be afraid to hang in there while you all sort yourselves out.

Maybe you break down to original state :
  • (him + you) and then (her).

Maybe not. Could be
  • (you) (him + her)
  • You+ her) (him)
  • (you) (him) (her) all separate.

But clearly this one cannot continue if you are hurting this bad:
  • (you + him + her) in polyship.

ENCOURAGEMENT

Again, I am sorry this hurts right now.

I encourage you to keep sorting it out though so you can eventually feel better. Keep having the hard conversations that need to be had even if it feels ugh to do so.

Could not lean AWAY from having hard conversations. Could lean INTO it and see it through so you can arrive at the healing place. To me that's a better place to linger than here in the discombobulated place.

Hang in there!

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 09-12-2014 at 11:26 PM.
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  #6  
Old 09-13-2014, 01:25 AM
Lizzy30 Lizzy30 is offline
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Default Tks Galagirl!

Your opinion is golden. I so believe "healing" is key. I was really getting into depression which is totally not healthy. I have absolutely no one to talk to about this except him and I feel that he is totally bias about it. I don't have a choice but to wait and see what happens. He now knows and that's that. Tks again!
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  #7  
Old 09-13-2014, 03:51 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Hang in there. Poly hell bites.

http://www.kathylabriola.com/article...u-in-poly-hell

Even if you are done here with these specific people maybe that could help you understand where it maybe fell apart some. To help in your healing and moving forward? Maybe you want to speak to a counselor?

Galagirl
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