Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-10-2011, 10:01 PM
buttons buttons is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 5
Smile Hello

I'm currently in a mono relationship. I tried for months to resist getting into it but my bf gave me an ultimatum and I wasn't ready to let go of him yet... so I gave it a shot and constantly go back and forth on whether I'm happy or not.

I've only tried to really be poly for a few months in my life... always been miserable in mono relationships, but tend to gravitate toward serious guys that want to get married.

I stumbled on the concept of polyamory when I lived in San Francisco, and found out that a good friend of mine is poly.

I guess ultimately I'm very confused about where I stand, and just know that mono isn't working. I'm here looking for answers.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-13-2011, 06:08 AM
Charlie Charlie is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 164
Default I don't have much of a disguise.


I'm 31, a sculptor/blacksmith/teacher/stone mason/writer/etc.
Ohio born, but I've lived and worked in most regions of the U.S., except for New England...

Moved back to Ohio for family medical reasons about four months ago...as it were, I simultaneously left a tragically failing 3 year relationship with a dear friend in the Southwest. I breath easier these days.

Currently, I am the live-in caretaker for a beautiful historic home that I cut my remodeling teeth on when I started college years ago. Surrounded by art every day of my life. And then some...

Rarechild has been Friend to me in ways I will never be able to describe. I'm in love with my Friend. Her husband, Catfish, has been a Friend to me in ways I will also never be able to describe. I love my Friend. We three have been a Vee since I arrived back in town in October...Rarechild felt it proper to hit me in the chest with her big poly-love hammer before I could consider hittin' the road again. Wrang my bell, so to speak.

Uh, yeah...so Rarechild and I got T-boned by a truck the other day while I was in town for some much needed family time. Everybody's OK, but the car's scrap metal. Made for some highly unexpected and blessed family time, and that ain't no joke.

There's my nutshell.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-23-2011, 03:41 PM
Neweyes Neweyes is offline
New Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1
Default New but excited

I am M, married 4 years to E, I am a 26 year old female, straight. I am a SAHM to two beautiful children who are 2 and 4. Recently we nearly divorced, due to me feeling something was missing. I have come to realize a lot of people feel like this after being married for a bit. We have talked a lot in the past about swinging, which made me see that I am looking for more in my life than just one love. I was so distraught at the decision of divorce as was he, so we finally opened up and talked about having an open marriage. We are happier than ever now, even though we haven't had any experiences yet. I am Moving about 9 hours away from him, I find myself drained by the place we live now. We will see eachother often, since its not horribly far. I have a friend who is interested in taking me out when I get home, I am definitely considering it. I am excited for our new life to begin.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-2011, 06:26 AM
room4onemore room4onemore is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: new jersey (shore area)
Posts: 7
Smile hi...brand new couple looking for info and advice

Hi there - we are a New Jersey couple in our 30's (straight male, 35; bi female, 39) that is looking to explore opening our relationship up to a new partner.

We've been married for 15 years, have kids and have been active as swingers for a few years. Since the summer of 2010, we've been looking more seriously at a poly arrangement to add to the strong relationship we already have.

This forum looked like a good place to get advice from experienced people and find our way in this uncharted territory in our lives...we look forward to chatting with you!
Reply With Quote
Old 01-26-2011, 08:51 PM
alwaysdancing's Avatar
alwaysdancing alwaysdancing is offline
New Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 3
Wink So glad to be here!

Hey everybody!

I'm a 23 yr old bi-sensual female, and I guess I always new I was poly, even when I didn't have the words for it. I was always really aware of my sexuality, and sensuality, even from an early age. My mother likes to tell of the silky edged blanket that I would run between my fingers and toes for hours. Looking back, I realized I had intercourse probably earlier than "healthy" for most standards, but it was consensual and with a contemporary. This started the habit of having sex to make another happy, rather than as a way to grow closer with someone you care about. I've only recently, I feel, really come to grasp with my sexuality and reunite it with love, or at least, respect, communication, and honesty. I went from relationship to relationship, without really every asking myself what I wanted. Two years ago, after a year long relationship, I swore never again to be in a committed relationship with someone that I wasn't 100% about, and frankly I wasn't to hopeful about that happening any time soon. Yet, sooner than I thought possibly, I am in my first truly honest, open AND committed relationship.

I feel truly lucky to have met my partner. I'll call him Pookie, since he is pretty much like a teddy bear. Classically handsome, talented, dedicated, he basically won my heart by attrition, just by being himself. He was truly innocent when we started hanging out, in the way only previously deeply religious person can be. While he initially was very mono, through some personal experiences (and my truly excellent sexual training), he's recently become poly-minded. For both of us, it isn't about just fucking around, it's about being free to genuinely care for other people in our lives, and if we feel comfortable AND ARE SAFE, be close to them physically as well.

We're still very, very new to this. We talk a lot about the concept and how we're applying it, and have a full disclosure policy that we love to honor, because frankly it's hot. I feel so lucky because I didn't have to dig through years of relationship issues with Pookie to get him to open up to the poly mindset. I have developed communication skills since I was a little girl, and honed them in sales, and those plus my own heart tell me I can trust him, and I want to build my future with him.

I came here to read other's stories, their mistakes and triumphs, and learn what I need to do to nurture this relationship and help it grow.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-27-2011, 10:21 PM
MileHighQuad MileHighQuad is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 11
Cool Accidental Quad

Hello from Colorado! My husband and I (15 years) have been in a quad relationship with my best friend and her husband for the past year. It began when my friend, very nervously admitted to having a crush on me. I put her mind at ease and assured her the feeling was mutual! Both of our husbands had fantasies about watching a lesbian couple making out, so we arranged for an evening of experimentation. However, they were quickly included in the fun and for the past year we have had an amazing, rocky, deeply intimate, emotional roller coaster ride with them. We have not "outed" our relationship to anyone except our therapists. Both couples see (separate) marriage councilors who help us keep our primary relationships in proper and healthy working order. Both therapists are very supportive of the quad and very open minded. The men tend to struggle with jealousy of some level pretty much on a regular basis though. They also tend to get into an emotional funk when they have "performance" issues. That being said, we are a very solid group. Our paramount concern had always been that our individual marriages remain healthy, and our basic friendship remain in-tact. If the romantic piece ever needs to be put on the back burner, the friendship must remain. So far, so good. I sometime worry that we are playing with fire, but as time goes on, we seem to be getting better at it! :-)
Reply With Quote
Old 01-29-2011, 10:30 PM
greeneyes's Avatar
greeneyes greeneyes is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Central FL
Posts: 27
Default Very Shy Hello...

Hello, everyone. I am a folk artist/awesome-vegan-cook who lives in FL with my beautiful and loving partner, M. We have been together for just over 3.5 years and have only just recently (within the last 1.5 months) began to have a dialogue about nonmonogamy.

It's been a very difficult few weeks, and I am unfortunately in a situation where I don't have folks my age that I can go to with my concerns, aside from my partner. She is more than willing to listen to my concerns but I feel that for her to be the only person I speak with about it is asking too much.

I have never been in a poly relationship; in fact I have only been in one other relationship previously, another mono one, which was rife with abuse and dysfunction, cheating, sexual power-play (NON-consensual, most of the time), and caused real deep scars for me. I tend to think of polyamory as some folks think of communism- it sounds good on paper, and I agree that monogamy can be seen for many reasons as inherently oppressive. Initially in our relationship we both agreed to monogamy. For me it seemed the "safest" thing to do, due to my mental issues (PTSD, severe depression, etc.) and issues I have that revolve around intimacy (which have resulted in us being on "different pages" when it comes to how frequently we would like to have sex.) M agreed to it because, (as has now come to light) it was what *I* wanted, and also because she had been in a previous relationship in which there was an attempt to incorporate a third person, and that had resulted in some emotional issues with her x-wife, and had been kind of the "beginning of the end" of their relationship. Recently, however, she has come to me and made it clear that she can no longer feel comfortable with us being a "monogamous couple." She wants to remain partnered with me, but wants to be able to express love for other people, and does not want that love to be limited to emotions. She says that currently she has no plans to find another lover, but she wants the option to be there if she meets someone for whom she cares deeply.

I've always been so secretly envious of stories I hear about folks who are able to love more than one person, I have just felt that for some reason I didn't deserve that much love or that I would fail and be jealous (I seem to have trauma-responses to situations that trigger my jealousy). I have been able to identify a lot of my fears

I want to learn about nonmonogamy, so that if nothing else, I can let go of this woman who has been such a wonderful person in my life without hurting her or having to feel as though our departure is due to my own failures. I want to truly love her. I am very interested in hearing the stories of others who have successfully gone from mono to poly- that would give me some hope. I have been very sad, and felt so very alone... I have social axiety issues also... I just would like to reach out to some folks. I want to be a good person who lives her principles. I want to learn how to love in a way that isn't selfish and controlling.

So hello, how is everyone, and it's very nice to meet the folks here.

Last edited by greeneyes; 01-29-2011 at 10:40 PM.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-30-2011, 02:27 AM
angeleyes angeleyes is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 18
Default ... and her partner in crime =-)

I am the loving partner, M (not sure about the beautiful part, seeing as how biased I know greeneyes to be). I am a less awesome Ⓥegan cook, but better than most because of my awesome cooking mentor :: bats eyes at greeneyes ::

Oh yeah, my only artistic inclination is toward the low-art known as the "clever remark" :: rimshot, followed by a disappointed sigh ::

I would go along with everything said above, so I'll try not to repeat. I am glad for greeneyes to have taken the time to find what she needed, and I hope it is in this forum. She invited me to join in, as well, and I appreciate the trust that her actions show =-x

We really are very passionately in love, even for a <4 year relationship. Although I have been the partner that has shown a greater interest in non-monogamy in this relationship, my interest has not been for lack of interest in greeneyes either romantically or sexually. I think the one thing I would really want to add to someone trying to understand where the two of us come from is to say that we are very dedicated to Ⓐnarchism and radical thinking. Also, we spend too much time thinking and discussing for most people's interest (which is why we're so good together, lolz). I say this because I have been in a relationship before where everything sexual was about "kicks," and if I had tried to tell you that intellectualism had anything to do with it, I'd have been lying, lolz!

As greeneyes said, I am not pursuing any romantic or sexual relationships outside our partnership right now. The point for me is not to pursue *anything*, but that also includes chastity. I have a better gauge for what would or wouldn't hurt greeneyes than any set of "rules" that can be spelled out. The important thing for me is not to hurt this womon I love so much <3
Reply With Quote
Old 01-30-2011, 11:23 PM
brainfreezy's Avatar
brainfreezy brainfreezy is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 33
Talking Curious couple in Colorado, looking to learn

Hello folks! I am brainfreezy (31 M) and my wife of 4 years is periwinklesunset (34 F), here in glorious Littleton, CO.

We've both lived relatively heterosexual monogamous lives. I experimented a bit and have come to the realization that I am also attracted to transgendered females, and she's had girl crushes before on very close friends, but has not acted on them. These feelings came up again recently, leaving us both feeling guilty, awkward, and afraid of the other person's reaction. Fast-forward a few months of disconnection and marital frustration; we finally talked...

We outed our curiosities to each other, and found that while we both thought that something was indeed missing from our marriage, we didn't want to actually lose each other or what we have. Imagine our relief to find that we were actually on the same page all along, but too scared to bring it up with the other! We talked quite a bit about it, and everything really opened up. We're very happy now, and excited to try something new together as a couple - but where to begin? We thought about swinging, but that doesn't seem to ring our bell (admittedly, we haven't tried it). We actually like the idea of having emotional attachments involved, so long as everything is couched in heavy communication and an atmosphere of love and trust.

So we hit the internet and found this site. We read through many threads and talked about it, and both thought, "hey, yeah... this feels like what's missing." We're aware of the unicorn myth, and we've seen the HBB flowchart (to our humor and slight dismay), but we want to go ahead anyway and explore this side of ourselves. We're not even all that sure of what we want at this point. Its as if a huge door has been opened, and our eyes are still adjusting...

(For now we'll have to stick to our forum handles, as she and I have a unique pair of names, and we obviously haven't outed ourselves to our family and friends yet, especially as we are just figuring this out right now).

Okay, I've proofread this 50 times and it is what it is...

Thanks for your time! We look forward to getting to know you...

Last edited by brainfreezy; 01-31-2011 at 02:50 AM. Reason: Felt like adding ages to give a better picture.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-31-2011, 04:26 AM
BlackbirdDenver's Avatar
BlackbirdDenver BlackbirdDenver is offline
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Denver Colorado
Posts: 5


It's always great to know there are local people who are like-minded. It seemed like when my husband and I had our "awakening" and realized that we are not monogomous that so many people started coming out of the woodworks... we are not as crazy as we thought!!

We are also pretty new to the game, we've had one relationship with a woman but we are definitely on the exploring page right now as well.

Always great to have like minded folk around! Glad you're here!
Reply With Quote

polandry mfm, polyandry family

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 09:15 AM.