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Old 02-27-2015, 10:36 PM
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sakura sakura is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Californication
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Hi, I just signed up. I'm pleased to find there is a forum for people like me. I'm a happily married bi female. About six months ago, me and my husband opened our relationship to admit our girlfriend who now lives with us. It's been a real journey and adjustment, but I love both of them very much and we're adapting to this new life together. We are an exclusive trio and just found out yesterday that she's expecting my DH's child. It's an amazing gift...I'm a stepmom to a young teenage boy (we have him every other weekend) but have never had any children of my own. Now that I feel mature enough to handle full-time motherhood, I'm nearly too late to have a child and don't want to gamble with the risk of an unhealthy pregnancy. Our girl is a vibrant younger woman and she's excited about having our baby. We've agreed we will all be equals in parenting.

Now that the initial shock has worn off my little brain is going round and round considering all the ramifications. I wish to somehow formalize our union and accept legal responsibility for this child, but I know of no such provisions in the American legal system. Any advice for an expecting but non-pregnant mom?
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Old 02-27-2015, 10:54 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Location: Yelm, Washington
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Greetings sakura,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

You can formalize your union with your girlfriend with a handfasting/commitment ceremony. Obviously that's not a legally recognized union but there's not much you can do about that.

I don't know whether you can get legal rights as a "co-mother" or not. Perhaps someone else here will know, but I'm thinking your best bet would be to set up a consultation with a good lawyer in your area. Just a one-time meeting to learn what the options are, then take it from there.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

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Welcome aboard!
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Old 02-27-2015, 11:05 PM
GreenAcres GreenAcres is offline
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Location: Virginia
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As Kevin said, definitely set up an appointment with a lawyer as soon as possible, for several reasons. First, in most states, your spouse will have financial legal obligations that can impact your marital assets in the future, and it's best to know what those are in case anything ever goes awry in any way (no one ever wants to think it's going to go awry, of course, and hopefully it doesn't; but, good planning is always a good thing). Second, as far as legal parenting, no state that I know of allows for legal rights for more than two people (I had a friend that used a surrogate, and it was a LOT of paperwork, and even then only two "parents" had any legal rights once things were concluded, despite them wanting something less traditional); but, perhaps a lawyer can help you figure out some ways to help mitigate at least some things. The American court system is definitely set up to work heavily against this kind of relationship and parenting in terms of legality, so getting pro legal help is going to be a must, IMHO.

Good luck with it all, and congrats to all three of you!
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Old 03-02-2015, 06:29 AM
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MsJulles MsJulles is offline
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Welcome! I wish you all success in your triad
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