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  #111  
Old 11-20-2013, 02:12 AM
bofish bofish is offline
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Default I took your advice!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
Enjoy playing the martyr much?

No one has mentioned your disability except you several times.
Why on earth are you looking for new ways to attack me.

My disability isn't about martyrdom and I'm HAPPY IF PEOPLE talk about it. I realize many people are desexualized (trangender, non masculine) etc.
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  #112  
Old 11-20-2013, 07:25 AM
london london is offline
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I am glad you're opting to take positive steps to better your relationship.
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  #113  
Old 11-20-2013, 12:12 PM
bofish bofish is offline
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Default Thanks

I feels great to try to do the best thing. I feels great to have it aknowledged too.
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  #114  
Old 11-20-2013, 01:13 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
From page 1 . . .
Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
From Page 2 . . .
Just a tip: It's better to reference Post Numbers if you aren't going to include an actual Quote.

Page numbers are not the same for everyone, because we can all set our own reading preferences. I believe the default is 20 posts per page, but many of us set it to 40 posts per page, some do 30, and so on (these settings are found in everyone's User CP page - see instructions here). I have mine set to 40, for example, so what is on Page 2 for someone who hasn't changed the default, is still on Page 1 for me.

Hope this helps! And now back to the topic...
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The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 11-20-2013 at 01:20 PM.
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  #115  
Old 11-20-2013, 02:10 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Default new username?

Eh. I am just not that irked about the new username. In fact, not irked at all. I don't see it as manipulative.

I get that sometimes one wants a fresh start without prior baggage. I see the new username as just that - a new start, a new username. It's not very relevant for me that bofish used another name in talking about her situation before. It's unfortunate for her that it's the same situation but really, no skin off my nose. My thoughts and suggestions remain pretty much the same.
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  #116  
Old 11-20-2013, 02:18 PM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
Eh. I am just not that irked about the new username. In fact, not irked at all. I don't see it as manipulative.

I get that sometimes one wants a fresh start without prior baggage. I see the new username as just that - a new start, a new username. It's not very relevant for me that bofish used another name in talking about her situation before. It's unfortunate for her that it's the same situation but really, no skin off my nose. My thoughts and suggestions remain pretty much the same.
Agreed. I think the important thing here is that despite a rather contentious thread everyone - both the OP and those who participated - stuck with it and now the OP is trying a new strategy, and learning a new skill.
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  #117  
Old 11-20-2013, 05:16 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Well, even if a mod suggested bofish/nonny start a sock account to get a fresh start on her issues, I do not see the point. Nobody here hated her, she didn't make enemies. She had a thread with a lot of tangents (sex/kink parties, safer sex/HIV/herpes, ableism) which engendered lots of opinions.

Now she's back a year later, same issues, not much progress. She sees less of the gf, altho she is acting like she wants to be closer to the gf and the gf won't, whereas in her old thread she was saying the gf wasn't "mature" because of her childfree hedonist sexy lifestyle, so got suggestions to choose to stop socializing with the gf.

Bofish still has her sex party phobia, is still relating them to drug and sex addiction, still hasn't attended one of the gf's parties to see if they are more... civilized, respectful, not 30 people raping one who needs medical attention as a result.

Are we to understand bofish's husband has been seeing his gf for a year, but he has obstained from all of her sex parties, until she once again invited him to one? Maybe she was testing the waters to see if the boundaries have changed since last year. That is not a crime. But then there was confusion with the husband when he was asked, "Where are you two going tonight?" and he said a play party (BDSM) whereas it was really sex. And that he was confused and didnt know which was which. Have he and the gf been going to BDSM parties all year? Maybe this one was supposed to be BDSM and sex, instead of just BDSM?

I still don't get drawing a line between sex and kink. I know others do, and that is fine, it just seems SO odd to me to separate the two. I mean, some kink involves using vibrators on a tied up sub. Is that sex or just kink? Is it only sex when a penis goes into a mouth or vagina? If a tied woman cums from a vibrator, is that sex or kink? I can cum just from having tits slapped or ass spanked. Is that sex or kink?
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37

Last edited by Magdlyn; 11-20-2013 at 05:21 PM.
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  #118  
Old 11-20-2013, 06:00 PM
bofish bofish is offline
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[QUOTE=Magdlyn;248676]Well, even if a mod suggested bofish/nonny start a sock account to get a fresh start on her issues, I do not see the point. Nobody here hated her, she didn't make enemies. She had a thread with a lot of tangents (sex/kink parties, safer sex/HIV/herpes, ableism) which engendered lots of opinions.

Someone DID attack me regarding my beliefs that being disabled (for me) is a social, but not internal problem. That I am happy with my body. I am not willing to relive this tho. I believe in disability empowerment and disability as a minority group. But, I'm exhausted from fighting for this view in real life, and since very very few people hear understand it or agree with me...it's pointless.

"Now she's back a year later, same issues, not much progress."

Have you read any of my recent posts. I have made huge huge progress. HUGE


"Bofish still has her sex party phobia."

Yep, I do! I do. And you know what, no one here has aknowledged that MOST PEOPLE find sex parties unwholesome. If you find them OK - would you discuss them with your neighbors, parents, and kids when they grow up. My mediation teacher says if you cannot tell people about it, you probably should not be doing it. I agree.

My friend was not RAPED. Again you did not read the post.

A few things - 1. you have not acknowledged any of my progress or that I listened to your very advice. Instead, you comtinue to find flaws in me. Why? What am I triggering for you? Why can't we just agree to disagree and we don't disagree! I agreed with you.

2. When I came to the forum, I thought that it was people of all sexualities and genders. Then I began to wonder if there are GAY MEN on here. Not bi men or gay women, but gay men. This is very interesting to me socially because I didn't realize that "Poly" isn't something gay men subscribe to perhaps because every gay man I know, historically, and in real life organically has an "arrangement" -- monogamy is not the default. So I think when I talk about healing from a friend's orgy meth addiction and equating it to sex parties many people may not know what I mean or be able to empathize. I COULD BE WRONG!!

3. D- you are RIGHT again. I myself don't know the boundaries between kink and sex. It was a vicseral reaction. Again, I'm taking concrete steps to butt out. I wish you would acknowledge that I have admitted I was wrong, but perhaps some other anger at me keeps you from it & I am silly to need or want that.

4. Yea. I am envious of someone who makes 3 times our combined salary and has no kids or morgage or pets and can do what she wants 24/7. Yea. I do think someone 41 who is entering into her first "real relationship" is "immature." So, what! Those are my opinions and judgements. I have to work with myself to be accepting and non-judgemental and know that I MADE MY LIFE. So I could have had her life and didn't.
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  #119  
Old 11-20-2013, 06:09 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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I don't know where or how you read anger in my post.

I also did not see someone attacking you on your other thread (which I just reread.) I saw people disagreeing with you, having trouble using terms in the same exact way you do, telling you personal stories of being disabled, or dealing with disabled loved ones or strangers.

*shrug*
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
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  #120  
Old 11-20-2013, 06:10 PM
london london is offline
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Just because someone wouldn't go to a sex party, it doesnt mean they disagree with them altogether. And many people would discuss them with others, even their kids, in the right circumstances.
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