Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 12-08-2016, 08:46 AM
Taylorchec Taylorchec is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 7
Question Solo Girl Entering poly world

Hi I'm new here and decided to Become Poly wile being Single and I'm scared but i want this and want to know if anyone is out there like me who can help me out. I'm a terrible writer so forgive me for my grammar.

I didn't open up a relationship i just decided one day that i wanted to sleep with people's boyfriends or husbands and possibly with couples if they would have me. its's been a year and things have been going well with being a secondary to a few relationships where I am only involved with the male and don't see the other half to the relationship. i'm doing this with two people and i stick to my boundaries and like it.

But now I am joining a couple and couldn't be more terrified and confused. I guess the hardest part as that we have not discussed what I am to them just that I can sleep with him if She is there or has her own partner for the night, i appreciate there rules and respect them. My problem is that they text me everyday and it feels like i have signed on for more that I bargained for. I like being friends with my partners but this too much

I want to keep seeing them But all the attention has turned me off and I hate to admit that. I know i need to talk to them and I will soon. I'm just scared of disappointing them and I fear Conflict. would someone be able to help me navigate this maybe help me with what to say?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 12-08-2016, 09:50 AM
Emm's Avatar
Emm Emm is offline
Stealth Mod
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,414
Default

Your comfort in sticking to your boundaries doesn't have to change just because you start dating a couple. You can tell them if they push you in ways you don't like, and if they keep doing it anyway, why would you want to spend any time with them?

Don't let them act like they can control you or your feelings just because they were a couple before you decided to date them. Your relationship is not a democracy, and you don't have to like what they tell you to like just 'cause they outvote you.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 12-08-2016, 08:28 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,943
Default

Hi Taylorchec,

I suppose if I were you I would tell them, "I'm a bit overwhelmed by how much attention I'm getting. Could we dial that part back a bit? I was looking for something a little more casual." And, if they're not willing to honor your wishes, don't be afraid of breaking up with them. The alternative could be years and years of unhappiness and you don't want that.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 12-11-2016, 03:35 AM
Belladonna Belladonna is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Cali
Posts: 142
Default

Hi.
Advice from the other side. Just be honest. When we started I was texting a lot because I didn't want her to be the odd man out since I was already in a relationship. It was really weird for me and then I got resistance and it almost ended it. I think it's so hard to tell what everyone's comfort levels are without being very honest.
__________________
Belladonna F-38 Pansexual
Madmaxx M-40's married to belladonna
Pip F-30s partners with belladonna and madmaxx
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 12-14-2016, 05:14 AM
Ravenscroft's Avatar
Ravenscroft Ravenscroft is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: NW Minnesota
Posts: 1,673
Default

IMO, if you fear conflict, then threat of conflict will be used against you.

As well, "conflict" has become an Evil Word. Few people seem capable of understanding that conflict is an inherent part of the socalled human condition. The reality is that it's not a "relationship" until difficulty can be overcome together.

You sound as though you are being love-bombed, a method of psychological manipulation popular with pimps, narcissists, & cults. Have you started getting the "worried" harassment when you don't respond immediately, or demands you keep them informed hour-by-hour (what your plans are for the next date, what your feelings are on the previous date, where you are, what you're doing, who you're with)?

It's a lot easier to stop a train BEFORE it accelerates further. Stop being the "baby girl" to their Mommy/Daddy thing -- sorry, terrible of me to assume that they're older than you, but that does sound like the roles they're insistent upon.

If you're OK with that, then cool... but maybe it's a thought to put your foot down & give the leash a yank. Nice that you're having a bit of fun, but I don't get the impression you intended to sign your life away as a luxury add-on to a "real relationship."
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 04-03-2017, 07:04 AM
Taylorchec Taylorchec is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 7
Default

thank you everyone this advice was helpful . I know I responded way late but i did listen. I just get confused in forums didn't really know how to get back in
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 04-03-2017, 04:44 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,943
Default

Glad to hear that our advice was helpful,
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
couple dating, polyamorous, scared, single, women

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 03:18 PM.