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  #651  
Old 08-22-2014, 10:35 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Yep-I know. I am trying not to focus on that, because I feel like that is the MOST likely scenario. But I realize it is a very real possibility. That is a large part of why him moving out isn't optional. I CAN NOT live that way. He has a right to live that way if he so chooses. Therefore he needs his own place so that if that IS the choice he makes, it isn't invading MY space.
Unfortunately it also means that I have to cover all of the bases for the kids. Because I can't count on him. He MIGHT follow thru but he MIGHT NOT and past behavior suggests he PROBABLY won't.

So-I have started the applications for Sourpea to go to a private school. It is going to be a financial nitemare. But educationally much more sound than the public schools in our area.
Maca and I are making our plans for how to finish the work on the house and get things in order to move. Including taking out a loan so I can continue with school.
It is going to be tough. More work than it should have been. But GG has already proven to be unreliable. The date to move is already delayed by 7 years on account of his refusal to do his part. Continuing to make plans that include depending on him AT ALL is idiocy. So we aren't.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't angry, resentful and hurt. His choices have already had major negative impacts on all of us and he knows it. He KNEW it. But he didn't care ENOUGH to do something about it.
At the same time; if I want things to change, i have to change them. It sucks that I chose to trust someone and depend on someone who didn't live up to their words. Now I need to just stop.

It doesn't matter why.
It doesn't matter if he "wanted" to hurt everyone or not.
It doesn't even matter if he learned his lesson or not.

What matters is that I have learned my lesson and I am moving on with my life, without counting on him to help at all.
Maybe he will. Maybe he won't.
Either way, I am going to find a way to be sure I finish school, the kids get good educations and We move somewhere warm.

To be frank; I expect he will make a strong effort in the next few months. Then he will move out and it will be easier to get lost in the day to day crap and forget about self improvement. Bills will get paid when he gets around to is, no budget will be made (because he has no clue how to make one), no money will be saved or put towards care for Sourpea. No plans will be made to move. He will settle into some predictable visitation schedule around the new school hours of availability the kids have and that will be that.
When and I graduate in 2017 it will hit him like a ton of bricks because Sourpea will start talking about moving and packing her stuff. When we leave he will be devastated and say "there's nothing i can do" and have a pity party in his apartment wondering when we will be back to visit, feeling sorry for himself and mailing Sourpea letters saying how much he loves her and misses her and wishes he could be there. Never once considerig tha HE COULD be there IF ONLY he had bothered to plan for it and take the necessary steps to make it happen.

That is what I see happening. That is what I expect to happen. If something else happens I will be shocked.
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  #652  
Old 08-23-2014, 12:12 AM
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You can't keep your life on hold in an effort to keep someone else's going. Not without losing yours, anyway. You've got a good plan for your future, and you'll make it happen. Hang in there... (hugs)
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Xena: Poly. In a relationship with Chops. Dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In a relationship with Chops.

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
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  #653  
Old 08-25-2014, 03:07 AM
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I am hanging.
I appreciate everyone giving GG ideas-he needs to learn that there is a WHOLE WORLD out there he can ask questions-not just me.
I wish he would re-connect with his friends. I never stopped him from connecting with them, he did that all on his own. He has this issue with not making the effort to reach out (which he also did with me) and eventually people stop trying to reach out to him.
ANYWAY-it would be nice if he would expand his circle so it wasn't always me he ran to when he has a question.

He doesn't seem to understand that answering his myriad questions is a full time damn job and I don't have the energy to keep doing it.

I found out today that Sweet Pea is halfway to Seattle. (a little more than halfway actually). He got a few texts to me before his phone died (edit to read-he was so busy texting his gf that he used up all his battery). He's a good kid. I miss him. This whole having him gone all summer AND him figuring out what girls really are all at once-SUCKS!
He's been my full time side kick for 14 years and then all of a sudden-bam he's all grown up. lol

Actually I'm happy for him. I do miss him, but I enjoy hearing about his adventures.

Maca, Sour Pea and I took the dogs out to the beach today (actually two different beaches). The dogs liked it. They needed some play time and fresh air after being stuck inside most of the last 48 hours due to an outrageous rain storm.
Now it's time for making some dinner.
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  #654  
Old 08-25-2014, 07:38 PM
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My great hope for GG is that he'll keep his new thread going. He needs to be an active participant. It's what empowers other members (e.g. moi) to reach out to him with advice or empathy or whatever he needs to get through stuff and figure it out.

Glad other things are going relatively well.
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  #655  
Old 08-25-2014, 11:54 PM
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Yeah-we will see. He struggles to keep anything going. Hopefully it is important enough to him to stick with it. I don't know.
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  #656  
Old 08-26-2014, 07:12 PM
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So many squirrels to notice, right?
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  #657  
Old 08-26-2014, 09:47 PM
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So-I got a phone call this morning from SpicyPea. The baby (she's pregnant) is "fine", but there is something blocking her cervix. The ultrasound tech couldn't give her details (not allowed because she's not a doctor), but was able to tell her that she would NOT be able to have a normal delivery, she would have to go c-section & they are sending her to a specialist.

In the same few minutes the new puppy pee'd on the floor and there was blood in his urine. So I took him to the vet. They are keeping him overnight for tests and observation.


It's barely 2pm and it's already been a day. I am on the verge of tears. I'm going to take my headphones and go for a walk.
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  #658  
Old 08-26-2014, 09:52 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Sending LR some long distance hugs.
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  #659  
Old 08-27-2014, 01:41 AM
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More hugs from here...
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In a relationship with Chops. Dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In a relationship with Chops.

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #660  
Old 08-27-2014, 08:40 PM
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Perhaps it's the placenta? Placenta previa? That's a bummer! Sorry, Grandma.

I don't know where GG's thread is. Going to try and find it.
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