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  #591  
Old 07-10-2014, 12:27 PM
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Love this! Happy happy to you!
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 15; and PokéGirl, 12), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In a relationship with Chops. Dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In a relationship with Chops.

External blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #592  
Old 07-10-2014, 01:39 PM
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As a floral designer myself I have to say your son is a boy after my own heart. He took initiative and made it work.

I am glad you and Maca are in a good place. Sorry it took so long, but glad there was progress, no matter how slow, and now you are enjoying.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags, F, 60, poly-dating, loving and living with
miss pixi, F, 38
also seeing
Punk, 41, M (dating since Oct 2015)
and a few more casual relationships
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  #593  
Old 07-11-2014, 02:05 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Oh, this son is my baby Mags. He is so much like me its almost weird. We get along like best friends (thank god he's so well behaved so I don't USUALLY have to go "evil mom" on him).
Tomorrow I drive 6 hours south to pick him up at the ferry. He's coming up for wedding Saturday. I'm excited!


Today I got my motorcycle jacket (which matches my new helmet). I'm looking forward to showing it off to him.

GG is continuing to work on his stuff. I'm happy to see that he's prioritizing it. We'll see how it all goes.
He's finally figured out that his employer doesn't actually give a damn about him and is taking advantage of him in a HUGE way. The downfall of that is that he's let it drag out so far that it's going to be hard to get an equivalent job. If he had been willing a year ago-there was a lot available and he had supervisors who would give the recommendation. Now he's got new supervisors who just want to get rid of him because he won't work more than 60 hours a week (salary).
ANYWAY-he's doing his thing. I'm waiting and watching.
But us going to Kodiak has been a big motivator for him, made him realize how much I do *for* him when I'm here (cause of course it just didn't get done while I was gone).
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  #594  
Old 07-11-2014, 07:05 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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The little things:

I had a moody moment last night. It had nothing to do with poly, everything to do with dealign with adult children who are struggling.

I mentioned to Maca (text) that I needed a "restart". He immediately, no questions asked, started texting me
"8 days til you arrive and I will have a scrubbed clean bathtub waiting for you, filled with hot water and rose petals. After you get all warm and cozy in there, I will slip in with you and oil your shoulders and back (I have tattoos and I worry about them in the summer sun lol)."
He continued on for a few minutes and all I could do was laugh.

He's opened up so much, grown and matured, and settled into a place where romance and sexiness and happiness and joy isn't something he has to feel "manly" about anymore.
It's like a rose. He was a tight tight little bud before. Now he's a fully open blossomed rose.
So cool!

Now-off to the shower and then loading up to make the 6 hour drive to go pick up my baby! Sweet Pea is loaded on the ferry already and I can't wait to see him!!!
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  #595  
Old 07-28-2014, 07:49 PM
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Vacation time.
I have SourPea's bags and mine packed. Just waiting for time to drive to the airport (basically). I have other errands to run. I have to take Peanut home to his mom, pick up my new lenses for my glasses, drop frozen fish off at my ex-bil's house... But basically everything is ready to go. Just taking a break while I wait for Sour Pea to finish her chores.

I'm exhausted. Night before last I had a 23 hour long day traveling from Kodiak home. Suffice it to say, my body is NOT ready for another one. This one will be 33 hours before we got off the plane in Northern California at 3 in the afternoon. Then of course, we need to go get the few assundries we aren't packing and drive the hour or two to the house where we will be staying most of our trip. Then.. I think on the 2nd we hit the road again to travel to Disneyland-back to Northern end on the 6th.
Just thinking about it I feel a need for another nap!

At any rate; GG had a huge breakthrough this week in regards to the bs that we've been in conflict over. He reached out to my sister for advice and she wrote a short, succinct, right on the button response that actually made sense to him. I thought I would share it-because it's just very clear and it made sense to him. So maybe next time I'm frustrated and trying to explain something to him I can re-read what she wrote and see if I can find a similar way to word my thoughts.
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  #596  
Old 07-28-2014, 07:53 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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GG:
Ok...lemme give you my perspective.

If you were looking for a roommate or an employee and you're talking to a guy and he said,
"So, I'm really nice, family oriented and generally easy-going, fun to be around. But I'm really bad with money and time management and prioritization and I forget things and get things mixed up (and usually don't find out until something's gone wrong) and I don't always follow directions well (because of the forgetfulness and getting mixed up). But I mean well and I apologize..."

Umm...ok dude... Thanks for your honesty...? Don't call us, we'll call you...

LR's told me that she's frustrated that you think your ADD meds are working. If the meds are working then you need help with what to do when they are. "The pills don't teach the skills." Have you heard that said before?

The meds are supposed to help unclutter your mind, to quiet it, so that you can be focused and attentive. If that's not happening then the meds aren't working. While you are focused and attentive you should be able to manage your daily responsibilities. If you can't, then you need to learn how.

Each time something "goes wrong", LR says it's just one more example, just one more symptom of a larger issue. "I forgot," "I didn't realize..." "I thought it was this and not that," are things she says you find yourself saying often and it's worn very thin.

Some people read self-help books and articles. Some people seek the help of a professional. Some people combine the two. The nice thing about a professional counselor is that they can also help with anxiety, depression, self-esteem, childhood trauma and relationship problems (not saying you have all of those issues, just making the point).

LR has told me that she's shared articles and things with you but you never say a word to her about them. She doesn't know if you've read any, if you know why she sent them or if you even care. Lately, she said your standard reply to many things has been something along the lines of, "We can talk about this later." But "later" never seems to pop up.

LR has forced herself to learn to be as organized as she is, to manage time and budgets as she does, to hold down jobs when she has to, to manage her schooling and that of the children...because those things are necessary and important.
She's not an "anomaly" of a person with ADD, as ***(name deleted for anonymity) believes. LR has worked very hard to teach herself the skills and coping mechanisms to do the things she does; to be productive and engaged in her life, to fulfill her goals.
She has engaged professionals, friends and family along the way to help with different parts, to keep her on task, to keep her accountable. And she's learned (hard) the crucial importance of thorough communication.

It's not that you can do nothing right in her eyes.
It's not that she's just too critical and expects too much from you, or expects you to be or do something you're not capable of being or doing.

She has tried, for years, to get you to tap into the brain and the personal strength she knows you have.

To her, I think it feels like she's driving along in the van with the family and you're in your own vehicle being towed behind in neutral, with your feet on the dash, just trusting her to take care of everything. There's nothing wrong with your vehicle. You can shift the gears and steer and control acceleration and braking same as she can, you just don't want to or are unwilling to even try. But if you get a flat tire or your windshield gets a crack, she has to stop too. It impacts everyone, not just you, because you're not living in a bubble.
I'm not saying I think you're lazy or incompetent. I'm just saying that you are the only person who has the power to change anything about you.
Let me know if there's anything I can clarify more or expand upon for you.
Love you.
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  #597  
Old 07-29-2014, 03:48 PM
copperhead copperhead is offline
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Awesome letter! Thanks for sharing
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Mir: Lover-friend, with wife and child
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  #598  
Old 07-29-2014, 06:04 PM
icesong icesong is offline
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As a fellow ADD person, I so sympathize and/or resemble this description of GG. And TheKnight has tendencies that direction too, so we don't make a good combo from that front. Still, that sort of tough love is something I need to practice on myself a bit more often...
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  #599  
Old 07-29-2014, 10:26 PM
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Great reply, LR - hoping some progress comes out of it. And best wishes for your vacation - here's hoping you get to enjoy it without needing a 3-day-nap afterwards! (Two-day naps are acceptable)
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 15; and PokéGirl, 12), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In a relationship with Chops. Dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In a relationship with Chops.

External blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #600  
Old 07-30-2014, 03:07 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Your vacation schedule sounds even more tiring than mine.

Sorry things are so rough with GG. Ever think about just cutting him loose? I mean, what's the point anymore?

^Spoken as a woman who just cut loose a bf who is forgetful, and was taking me for granted as he pursued new and shiny. Not ADD, but Aspie, but still, similar difficulties.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags, F, 60, poly-dating, loving and living with
miss pixi, F, 38
also seeing
Punk, 41, M (dating since Oct 2015)
and a few more casual relationships
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