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  #311  
Old 09-28-2012, 03:13 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Where is that line where he ends and I begin? Sometimes I find myself unsure of where to set the limit.
Where it feels best for me is obvious enough. But, if that is 'too far' for him? Dealbreakers? I don't know.

For me, I could never date someone who didn't treat both of my loves with respect and I couldn't do anyone talking trash about them. It's very simple for me-so much so that I walked away from my dad over it (and I am a daddys girl).
I can't even do friends and family if they can't manage respectful treatment of my spice.

But-just because I feel that way, does that mean he shouldn't befriend and/or date someone who doesn't respect me?

Sigh
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  #312  
Old 09-28-2012, 05:28 AM
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Quote:
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I think there is something wrong with me. I read your post today and my heart started pounding in my ears so loud, I thought it was going to explode. It's not like I don't know that you have sex with him, but it just fucks me up to read or hear about it. I feel like a hypocrit. And I hate it. I don't want to make a big deal out of this, I don't even think I want to talk about it. I just wanted you to know, incase I act...out of sorts. It's not you, and I'm just trying to work through it.
That was the text I got tonight as a result of writing about GG in my poly blog today.

This, only a couple hours after telling me he would like to go to the now 25 yo's derby event next month.

Chick who has a conflict with me that started with her telling me he has no issues with poly any more and I am the one who needs to let go of all of the unnecessary boundary restrictions because he doesn't need them, and I'm just being vindictively possessive so he can't be with her. Uh huh.

Right. Same chick who thinks that she knows him so much better than I do and that I just don't understand how much he has changed that he totally understands and accepts my relationship with GG and that he just wants and needs me to give him the opportunity to build the same type of relationship. (as if i am stopping him).
Same chick who refuses to sit down with me face to face and resolve the conflict between us which escalated with her tash talking of me, and instead has convinced him to sweep it all under the carpet and they can go on with their little social life together and pretend nothing happened and that I dont exist.

To say my blood is boiling would be putting it mildly. I'm seething. Grow the fuck up! Oh my lord. Venomous fury.

What the fuck is so hard to understand about taking time to develop at least a friendly, respectful metamour relationship? What the fuck is so hard to understand About clear and direct communication with metamours is NECESSARY to ensure a safe trip thru their fucking airspace?

She is a self righteous, self centered bitch.
He is a fucking moron.
I am fucking caught in a game of Muppet bullshit and I cant get calm enough to find the fucking appropriate exit.
God DAMN IT.

I texted back that he should forward the message to her. Let her rationalize out what the fuck I am supposed to do with it.
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  #313  
Old 09-28-2012, 05:53 AM
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Hey, don't trash talk the Muppets!


Sorry... couldn't resist. Seriously, her message is confusing to me. This is Maca's gf and she's upset that you're having sex with GG? And she posts a message like that without ever sitting down to talk to you? Weird!

LR, you have better things to do with your time than give any more thought to this. Don't let it get to you, don't let her occupy space in your head rent-free, as they say. Breathe...
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  #314  
Old 09-28-2012, 06:11 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Breathe. Do not engage if you are FULL already.

Anyone else coming with stuff? Tell them you are full up, not taking anything else on board right now.

Have to put your oxygen mask on first.

Hang in there!

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  #315  
Old 09-28-2012, 11:23 AM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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It looks like several separate issues all mixed together.

His discomfort reading about GG and the warning he may act badly as a result. The hypocrisy of he feels. And your issues with the GF, and the cascade of disrespect you feel from him by proxy.


IMO maaca isn't really poly just adapted to or living the hand dealt. The reason i say that is this seems like a never ending issue.

That explains the hypocrisy. Haven't followed the smack talking gf thing so I'm not sure on that but could there be consciously or subconscious an element of payback.

The pain of reading those things made him feel like he was going to explode.
He's warning you I could lash out. What better way to lash out... With a trash talking 20 something young girl.

Last edited by dingedheart; 09-28-2012 at 04:44 PM.
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  #316  
Old 09-28-2012, 03:51 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Dinged-your comment is precisely my impression of the whole thing.

BUT he is also a "live it and learn it" person-so anytime I say anything, its automatically disregarded, until he experiences it for himself.
It's fucking annoying.

I would rather he move on than make everyone miserable by playing games.

In the meantime, I'm doing like GalaGirl said-and just not participating with any of it-because I need to deal with me and I'm on overload. School takes higher priority than their bullshit and the kids take higher priority than all of it.

So, off to class with kids in tow. Finish out the class while my GG takes the kids to the library (they love it there) and then grab lunch with them all so we can have some fun before he goes to work.

One thing at a time-and giving the kids and GG a happy day is something I can do, gives us all a break.
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  #317  
Old 09-28-2012, 03:59 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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LR,

You may not find this helpful but I was really struck in your post about Maca's text that you went immediately to anger at the woman he's seeing.

It reads to me like you are seriously angry at Maca and are transferring that anger to her. From what you've written, she's no great prize. But Maca wrote that text, not her. Yet your anger, at least in this post, is directed at her.

Also, yeah, don't tar the Muppets with this! I know GG uses that term but I love the Muppets and would not mind being in a Muppets situation at all!

Maybe Fraggle Rock? Avenue Q? Real Housewives?

Last edited by opalescent; 09-28-2012 at 04:01 PM.
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  #318  
Old 09-28-2012, 05:39 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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I see two totally separate issues.
1. Maca has issues hearing about your sex life with GG and ALWAYS has
2. You have issues with Maca's interest in the 20's something twit.

I think your issues with the 20 something are escalating things, that would be an issue in any case. Personally, I see nothing wrong with his text. As soon as I read the blog post, I was wondering how Maca would deal with reading that much detail. I give him kudos for recognizing that this is setting him off, giving you a heads up and realizing this is his to work through. I would have a discussion with him and ask if next time he wants a heads up to avoid that post or not, or together you can come up with a code or something where he can decide to read or avoid based on his mood at the time.

I personally can deal much better with emotional triggers, if I have some warning. I have sent similar texts (about other issues), and then been able to have a rational discussion about it later. Being able to express these triggers without fear of a massive explosion, is extremely helpful. It also helps me work through things and it doesn't bother me so much the next time. Sometimes, it is the tiny small things that we can do differently that can make all the difference in the world.

Not going to address the issues with the 20 something gf. "If you can't say anything nice..." Eventually, the blinders will come off, just stand your ground in the meantime.
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  #319  
Old 09-28-2012, 09:07 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Oops, I thought Maca's gf sent the text, not sure why I interpreted it that way. So, okay, Maca did, hmm. You (and we) know he has had problems with your relationship with GG all these years, and it has always puzzled me especially given what a stand-up guy and treasured member of the family GG has been for so long. This seems like a cycle Maca insists on perpetuating. Every time you think you're making progress and moving forward - Maca has to take two steps back and freak out. At some point, he has to stop indulging in that shit. I don't think there's anything you can do except for being your usual no-bullshit ethical self. You've got enough years' experience to rely on your intuition and common sense where he is concerned. But if Maca is to get anywhere, like out of the hole he creates for himself time and time again, he needs to pull himself out. Not drag you down with him.
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  #320  
Old 09-28-2012, 09:54 PM
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I agree with SN, while it sucks that Maca still has such a strong negative reaction to hearing about you and GG, that text actually seemed like a very mature way of letting you know what to expect from him while taking complete responsibility for his own feelings. That's exactly what I would want from my own partner.

It really sucks about this situation with his gf. I think I would have major problems with a partner of mine dating someone who didn't like me. But it really is a separate issue from him saying "This affected me more than it should have, it sucks that I feel this way and I know it's not fair. There's no need to process over it, but I wanted to own my shit and give you a heads up so that you dont misinterpret my issue as being your fault" which is how I read his text.
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