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  #181  
Old 05-13-2011, 10:04 PM
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my daughter's best friend committing suicide.
Maca, GG and I took flowers to the gravesite. It was bittersweet.
((HUGS))


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But-he was CLEARLY unhappy about us being there-which created an awkward tension and we left.
I think you have mentioned this couple before. Sometime you just can't win.

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On a side note, Maca and I had some gravely serious-productive conversations without an argument. It wasn't easy and there were a lot of tears. But, we managed a couple topics and moved on to easy camaraderie and lovemaking after.
All progress is good and any heavy discussion that you can recover from quickly is reason to celebrate

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GG's having a rough week. A lady he works with was run over and killed this week. He didn't know her well, but the rest of the staff did and the school is holding the funeral-which due to his position was his job to coordinate set up for (and soon, tear down as well). That in addition to "normal" work responsibilities. He's a naturally emotionally sympathetic person and being surrounded by so much sincere heartbreak has been taking a toll this week.
((HUGS TO GG))
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  #182  
Old 05-13-2011, 10:18 PM
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Sigh...
Sometimes I think poly isn't worth the effort.
Hell, sometimes I think relationships with people aren't worth the effort.
Yikes! Feelin this myself...but it is just temporary monogamy, I will get through it!

Glad things are working out...slowly but surely. Hugs for GG on the uncomfortable work situation and hugs for all just because!
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  #183  
Old 05-14-2011, 03:02 PM
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Progress is progress. It's better to take small steps and stay on your feet than giant leaps and fall on your face... or backwards.
hugs
for GG, you and Maca, and all the Peas! (Especially the Spicy One [did you call each other over that anniversary?])
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I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
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  #184  
Old 05-14-2011, 08:54 PM
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Glad to hear there's been some progress! Sorry to hear about GG's coworker. I'm a pretty empathetic person and I know how that stuff can be hard to handle even if it wasn't that close to you.
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  #185  
Old 05-15-2011, 04:42 AM
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I have distributed hugs.

Yes, Spicy and I talked on the anniversary. She's actually doing very well-I was impressed. It was a hard day-but she didn't try to bottle it up, she let it all out-then got right back to enjoying her Little Pea. Good mommy.

I've been ultra-emotional (not about that, just about NOTHING and EVERYTHING all at once).

Both guys have been very understanding and sympathetic and patient. I'm trying to get out of my funk-sometimes it's so fucking easy, others; it's so fucking hard.

I'm so proud of Spicy-and nervous as hell. A "crisis" came up on Mother's Day. The result of which is that Little Pea's daddy is able to move back up here. SOOOOOOO, after all of the emotional upheaval-they're coming home.

He was REALLY nervous about staying here (DITTO) because he doesn't want to be a "mooch". We've worked out an agreement for them to be here temporarily, to find work (not too hard here, we're not hit as bad with that as stateside) and get a place of their own.

BUT (here's where the nerves come in-as silly as it is), she comes home next Saturday.
THEN, flies back down there June 24th and she's leaving Little Pea with me......
They'll be driving up and hopefully here within 2 weeks-barring any complications.

So, I will have the baby for 2 weeks or so....

Yeah yeah yeah, as many babies as I've got... what's the big deal. But, he's not mine. Is that stupid or what? I'm all nervous...
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  #186  
Old 05-15-2011, 01:47 PM
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We've actually ironed out the WHERE. And ironed out that Maca and I will be going down in Aug or Sept of 2012 for 2 months (with the $40k for the downpayment) to try to locate THE property we want.
I just wanted to say... this is so, so exciting, even though there's a ways to go before you get there.
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  #187  
Old 05-16-2011, 10:20 PM
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Started my English 111 class today. Going to be 10 weeks of busy-ness. 15 assignments due by this Saturday. I've knocked out 2 of them already. Hopefully be able to work through a few more this evening after Maca is off work and take the kids for a bit!

We had a great weekend. I got to spend some much needed time cuddling with GG and just catching up with each other. That was nice.

I had sent an email to GG, Maca and my oldest daughter about motherhood. GG replied to it. He obviously took some time to really put his thoughts together. His reply was about me as a mother-in his eyes. It was VERY touching. I shared it with Maca. I really do appreciate hearing what I do right, cause sometimes it's hard for me to see.

Maca and I had a couple more LITTLE talks that were on serious topics for us. We managed to circumvent any arguments by using our agreed upon "pauses". I felt really bad over the one I caused. I interrupted him... he managed to "pause" and I immediately felt bad and apologized. I KNOW it's so disrespectful to interrupt when someone's trying to share with you. (slap forehead). But, we got past it and moved on productively.

Maca and I got some much needed "down time" and he helped me with some issues I was having with my math. He was fairly amused when I started laughing at a movie he had on. It was a stupid movie and I'm generally not one to find "stupid humor" funny in the least. I don't even know what he was watching-but the scene that cracked me up, this guy was getting aggravated by the bird pecking on his window, keeping him awake. After all these tries to make it stop so he could sleep, he rolls over screaming SHUT UP-and scares his sleeping wife. She falls on the floor. I laughed so hard! Maca just stared at me with an eyebrow raised at first. He was so astonished I was laughing. It was a funny, relaxing moment for both of us.

We discussed some D/s things. We've put our D/s on hold to a great degree, due to needing to resolve our relationship issues (obviously). But, there are aspects that are very natural for both of us and have continued because of that. We talked about that some and I was pleasantly surprised to find that we had a similar "take" on things that I thought we would not.

I also "came out" to a friend. He and I were very close friends in our teens. Then he married and his wife was extra-ordinarily possessive. I backed out of contact as she hated me for existing. They're divorcing (been in the works and living apart for over a year now). He reached out to me through my mom (who he kept in touch with). We've been slowly reconnecting over the last 3-4 months.
I was very happy that while he's NOT into non-monogamous relationships, he was very accepting of it being a fact of my life AND not tempted into the annoying "so, what about us" line of reasoning. I really loathe telling someone I'm poly and then having them assume that means they have a chance. It was nice to be able to open up and have a serious discussion and NOT have that occur-but also have the opening up create a more comfortable platform of honesty for us to build a friendship on.

All in all-a decently good week. I've had a lot of emotional struggles (internally); but everyone has been very patient and understanding and supportive as I work through them. Making slow progress!
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  #188  
Old 05-16-2011, 10:34 PM
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Yes Annabel,
it IS very exciting.

There's so many aspects that I find exciting-that it's impossible to address them all.

We had planned to be moved down there last summer/fall. When that fell through... it was a severe blow. Having finally managed to clean up enough of that disaster to be able to realistically identify a new schedule/plan is a HUGE healing.

I so very badly need out of this cold place. It's simply not good for me (mental or physical health).

I'm looking forward to being SO much closer to poly-friends and being able to visit frequently and regularly. The isolation of such distance SUCKS.

I'm looking forward to having two months alone with Maca to reconnect, work on ourselves, get to know each other better. That will be the LONGEST time (by far) that we've ever had alone. The longest was 10 days in Hawaii for our honeymoon. Since we each had a child prior to becoming involved together we've rarely managed more than a weekend alone together. We've been fortunate that our poly-family has been able to allow us to regularly have a few hours and weekends alone. But, it will be nice to have such a long, defined, time to really get to know each other and bond.
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  #189  
Old 05-16-2011, 11:04 PM
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Maca and I had a couple more LITTLE talks that were on serious topics for us. We managed to circumvent any arguments by using our agreed upon "pauses". I felt really bad over the one I caused. I interrupted him... he managed to "pause" and I immediately felt bad and apologized. I KNOW it's so disrespectful to interrupt when someone's trying to share with you. (slap forehead). But, we got past it and moved on productively.
AWESOME! Glad to know I'm not the only one that does this I love the feeling where we can move past that trigger point that would previously turn everything to shit.


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Making slow progress!
I look at it this way, if progress comes too fast/easy, we took a short cut and it true progress wasn't really made. If it's slow but still moving forward, then maybe we have a better change of making it permanent. Kinda like training for a marathon. At least that's what I'm hoping

I'm happy to hear you guys are moving to Spokane area, as you said on someone else's blog, it makes you easier to visit .
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  #190  
Old 05-17-2011, 04:53 AM
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I'm SO glad we've settled on Spokane and a date for the move. I'm SO SO glad!!

And

I agree, it is like a marathon, small changes are more likely to become permanent changes (just typed that on the weight loss thread not 2 minutes ago!).



I made dinner tonight-doing that more often. Maca told me (again) that it was really good-doing that more often too. I am MUCH more inclined to bother with cooking when I know that someone is going to actually appreciate it-that's for sure (I don't much enjoy the process of cooking).

Mimi stopped by-she's been gone pretty much the last 4 weeks. Has a boyfriend, staying at his place for the most part. It was nice to see her, visit for a little bit.

Class started today, going to go do some reading now.
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