Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 11-26-2012, 09:15 PM
Kihluna Kihluna is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Fort Myers Florida
Posts: 6
Default It`s like I was just slapped in the face..

Okay so my name is Niki.

Until today I thought I was in 2 seperate relationships.
One with Tony, the father of my child. Both him and my son have dwarfism.
and in a BDSM relationship with Josh, my submissive of 1.5 years.

Today I encountered a unique problem, that after reading a few posts here doesn`t seem so unique but to me it was because I have no idea what is going on right now. Tonys mom informed me that Christmas was a "family event" which was her way of saying the roommate (Josh) wasn`t invited. So in tears I call Tony who is going to inform her that Josh is part of the family.
A few minutes later I was talking to an old friend on Fetlife who hadn`t yet learned of my addition of Josh as my submissive. After a few minutes he informed me that I was in a Poly relationship and pretty much told me that I wouldn`t be taken seriously in the community anymore. He told me to "RUN far away." and that "If a relationship needs 100% from both people how can one person give 100% times 2"

It`s like I was just shunned before I even found my place. I`m only 21 and I realize that is very young but I am not stupid. I am under a load of stress from this apparent 3 way, I have not found my footing as a Mistress and Josh is still learning his role as a submissive.

So I joined this site to try and figure things out, seeing as how everything I do on fetlife is going to be shunned or deemed "wrong"

Let me clarify that Tony and I are romantically kinky and Josh and I are full Bdsm. I love them both..my son calls them both Dada. (Well Tony is dada, Josh is Daaaa)
I have never seen nor heard of a Poly relationship working out, and everyone on fetlife talks badly..so I am a bit ignorant in my fears and I apologize if I am coming off as a psycho.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 11-26-2012, 09:30 PM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,232
Default

Wow, what the heck. I'm on fetlife and so is my girlfriend, her husband, and many of our poly friends. Why people who are part of one community that deals with sex/love in an alternative way but that focuses above all on consent would shun members of another community that deals with sex/love in an alternative way but that focus above all on consent, is beyond me. Your friend in no way speaks for the entire kink community, and frankly was being a jerk.

Send him to www.morethantwo.com if he wants a good explanation of how someone can give two people "100%".
__________________
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 11-26-2012, 10:23 PM
Kihluna Kihluna is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Fort Myers Florida
Posts: 6
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Wow, what the heck. I'm on fetlife and so is my girlfriend, her husband, and many of our poly friends. Why people who are part of one community that deals with sex/love in an alternative way but that focuses above all on consent would shun members of another community that deals with sex/love in an alternative way but that focus above all on consent, is beyond me. Your friend in no way speaks for the entire kink community, and frankly was being a jerk.

Send him to www.morethantwo.com if he wants a good explanation of how someone can give two people "100%".
Thank you for that little ray of hope <3
I guess I`m looking for hope that I`m not clinging to something that is "doomed" as he said.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 11-26-2012, 10:59 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 1,647
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kihluna View Post
Thank you for that little ray of hope <3
I guess I`m looking for hope that I`m not clinging to something that is "doomed" as he said.


What qualifies this one person to tell you what your business is all about?

Who is this person? God?

Of all the other people in the world, why does this person know the answer? Do they have a time machine or a crystal ball where they can tell other people how to run their lives?

Only you have the right to make choices for yourself. Your friend has his own life. He needs to pay attention to that and you need to pay attention to yours. You don't have to listen to anything he says, or anything anyone else says, including myself.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 11-26-2012, 11:16 PM
Kihluna Kihluna is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Fort Myers Florida
Posts: 6
Default

I realize that, Its one of my flaws that I get upset easily by what people think of me. Today has just been a very verrry rough day for me and I`m kinda glad i found this forum. I would like to learn more about Poly and further define my relationships to myself so I cazn better explain them to others in the future
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 11-26-2012, 11:55 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,170
Default

Tell that person that whilst it may not work for them-it works for other people and you weren't asking for their permission.

There are plenty of examples of poly working in the world-however you'd like to define "working" (argument abounds on that topic).


lovingmore.com also has some historical info.
Deborah Anapol has several books out-but I suggest just going to the bookstore-finding any one of them and reading the back cover-about her and her experience. She's got years of being poly under her belt. Self-defined as "successfully poly".
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 11-27-2012, 12:14 AM
SNeacail's Avatar
SNeacail SNeacail is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Near Disneyland
Posts: 1,556
Default

Wow, sounds like you need to stay away from that person. It sounds like your dynamic (no matter what name you give it) is working for the 3 of you.

While I don't spend much time on fetlife, I have seen LOTS of poly folks on there. It is actually one of the few places poly is common. The BDSM community is quite large, if one small group is stressing you out, seek out another group. Block those that want to be nasty and negative.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 11-27-2012, 12:17 AM
smittenkitten smittenkitten is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: landlocked in the midwest
Posts: 45
Default fetlife has a poly forum

Hi, I just wanted you to know that there are lots of us actively poly folks on fetlife. There is even a group for it called Poly and Kinky. I hope to see you there soon. Don't feel taken aback by the judgement of others. You are your own person, and the way you manage your relationships is your business.

*hugs*
n
__________________
smittenkitten
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 11-27-2012, 12:45 AM
Petunia Petunia is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Talula
Posts: 101
Default

Your friend's opinion about poly and kink, and poly and Fetlife, is not based on reality. Far from it.

Here's another group that hasn't been mentioned: PolyTalk Conversations in Nonmonogamy

You can't live your life to please others; you can only please yourself.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 11-27-2012, 05:41 AM
psychomia psychomia is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 25
Default

I think it's awesome that you have what you have. I'm a little envious!
__________________
solo polyamorous pansexual queer biological female with Aspergers.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:07 PM.