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Old 02-19-2011, 09:33 AM
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Default How does one share their soul with multiple mates?

It has always intrigued me that our soul, our core of who we are and what we believe, is typically described as mated with only one other's soul, or two halves of a whole soul, joining together in love to create one. And when we meet that singular special person who holds the other half of our soul we are supposedly then fulfilled and complete and meant to spend our lives forever with that individual. Or so traditionalistic, monogamist relationship theory would have us believe.

So, I wonder, being polyamorous, how do we go about describing or defining multiple soul mates? Is this a concept most poly individuals agree exists? Or for those practicing hierarchical poly does that monogamist theory of only one soul mate relate only to your primary? Can a secondary or tertiary lover be a soul mate? Or for those monopolists-- if you adhere to one soul mate for life, should your poly partner? Or can a couple have differing views of sharing their souls with singular or multiple partners and still consider themselves soul mates?

Are there polys here that do not subscribe to the idea of soul mates at all? Is your love of another your *choice* and not some destined event?

Sorry if that wasn't clear. It's still a bit jumbled in my own brain. I'm curious to see everyone's opinions on poly/soul mates. Maybe you can help me sort things out.

ket
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Old 02-19-2011, 11:45 AM
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Good Question

"Soul Mates" as a term probably means something different to everyone who uses it. When I met my partner he told me he was looking for a soul-mate. It was some time after that I realised that he's an atheist.

I said,"What's with looking for a soul-mate when you don't even believe in souls."

To which he replied," If I had a soul baby you'd be it."

I, on the other hand do believe in souls and for me a soul-mate is just another soul who connects with you on a very deep level. I think we can have many over the course of a lifetime.
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Old 02-19-2011, 04:52 PM
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From Wikipedia-
"Some think of a soulmate (soul mate) as a person with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, similarity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul, which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate. In New Age spirituality, the ultimate soulmate is the one and only other half of one's soul. However, not everyone who uses these terms intends them to carry such mystical connotations."

Personally I think of us more as a soul-borg. When all is said and done, we'll all be assimilated so to speak. So I would deem a "soulmate" as someone who was closer connected to me in the borg. (if I'm 7 of 9, then maybe 6/9, 8/9, 6/8, 7/8, 8/8, 6/10, 7/10, 8/10 are soulmates to me as they are within immediate arms reach... that sort of thing)
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Old 02-19-2011, 07:01 PM
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That is a little to scifi techy for me LR. LOL! Simply... soulmate is a person who for many reasons touches you so deeply in a spiritual way that you are changed by them in a profoundly loving realization. The person/s have become part of you in a more meaningful way than any/most others in your life. Romantically speaking some people whether mono or poly are not changed by every lover. Sometimes it can be only one person who touches you deeply on many levels throughout your life's various partnerships. At the age of 41, three lovers have impacted me in that way. Of course over the course of 24 years and many lovers...three who impacted my life so profoundly is not so very many for a poly-minded person. BUT, I could never imagine life without those three loves, nor would I go back to the person I was before they each helped me be who I am today. Soul mate, soul search, soul dualism...it all means someone or something outside of your self connecting to you in a spiritual or emotional way. A soul mate becomes part of who you are, part of the personality or ego. Whether one has one or two or three (or more) soulmates, all depends on one's growth or need for change- how many transcending moments in life are there? All depends on the individual. That is my two-cents any way.

Last edited by Morningglory629; 02-19-2011 at 07:05 PM.
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Old 02-19-2011, 07:35 PM
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souls are infinite.all the descriptions of what a soulmate is ,is merely a human construct. everyone i have ever loved was a soul mate.
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Old 02-19-2011, 07:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kreeativ View Post
souls are infinite.all the descriptions of what a soulmate is ,is merely a human construct. everyone i have ever loved was a soul mate.
Simple, direct, I like it!
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Old 02-19-2011, 08:29 PM
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I'm pretty sure it was Plato who invented the popular "other half" notion of the "soul mate". (I'll let someone else Google that.) I, myself, certainly do not subscribe to the notion that I, or anyone else, is a half of a whole that needs another person to "complete" them. In fact, I think all truly happy and healthy partnerships (whether poly or mono) are as a result of whole people coming together in a mutually enhancing sort of way -- but one without much or any sense of lack. The more one is oriented around lack, the more likely they are to be unhappy. And only other chronically unhappy people are 'happy' to spend a lot of time around chronically unhappy people.

Healthy people experience passing, temporary, acute moments of unhappiness, and generally experience themselves as a whole--not a half. Chronically unhappy people dwell in a sense of incompleteness, insufficiency, lack.... Dwelling there in their minds, so does their heart and "soul".
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Old 02-19-2011, 08:31 PM
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I don't believe in soulmates. And I don't think there really is a soul, at least not in the same way (I think) that more traditionally religious types view what is at the core of humanity.

I'm an agnostic non-theist. I tend to think of the essence at the center of who I am as something like a spark or a flame, and it is the thing in me that gives me a will to live. Something like that. It's not really important to me to figure it out (as I've stated in the Religious Survey thread).

But think about it: If there is supposed to someone out there who completes us, then we're incomplete until we find them. I don't believe anyone is incomplete; we just feel that way when lonely or missing something satisfying in our lives. But we are whole already. The focus on lacking something enables us to construct this wistful fantasy that someone out there will fill in those "holes" we feel in ourselves. But feelings aren't facts. We want someone to fix us somehow by making us feel complete, but it's an illusion (how many people have divorced someone they thought was a soulmate?). There is nothing wrong with being alone if we love ourselves. We all come into the world alone and we all die alone. No one else takes those journeys with us.

Furthermore, if there is supposed to someone out there who is meant to complete us, then that, correspondingly, also means we're here to complete someone else. I just don't see that as my purpose in life.

My overview on what a human's purpose in life is not that we're here to fill in someone else's lacks, but to be on a journey on this earth and learn lessons. I see the people in my life as there to teach me lessons and learn from me. Love, as I see it, is the connecting factor in humanity -- it's the energy that fuels that spark or flame inside us, but no one is obligated or meant to love me. When we feel love for someone, or when they feel love for us, it's really more like uncovering the essence of what's already there.

That's how I see it. Investing in the notion of there being only one soulmate for each of us negates so much possibility for uncovering and feeling the love that we can have in life, and for so many valuable life lessons.
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Last edited by nycindie; 02-19-2011 at 08:37 PM.
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Old 02-19-2011, 08:42 PM
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Being whole doesn't mean that we can't add to that wholeness with new insights, experiences, bonds of love, etc.... We're whole to the extent that we approach life without a sense of basic lack clouding our experience. When we live with a basic Yes! attitude toward life -- even though life has its pains and losses. We have to say Yes! to it all. And that doesn't mean we can't also want to change things. It's just another way of being in relation to this wish to change things. We can say a hearty Yes! to our lives and still wish to change things in ourselves and in the world.
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Old 02-19-2011, 08:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post
Being whole doesn't mean that we can't add to that wholeness with new insights, experiences, bonds of love, etc.... We're whole to the extent that we approach life without a sense of basic lack clouding our experience. When we live with a basic Yes! attitude toward life -- even though life has its pains and losses. We have to say Yes! to it all. And that doesn't mean we can't also want to change things. It's just another way of being in relation to this wish to change things. We can say a hearty Yes! to our lives and still wish to change things in ourselves and in the world.
Yes!
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