Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-02-2013, 10:32 PM
skr72 skr72 is offline
New Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 1
Default Where to begin...

Hello. I'm (we) new & I don't want to come on here and act like the newbie but I can't help it as I (we) are. This is K (the wife) and I'm not sure that the hubbie will post much here or not; had to get that part out of the way.

So, last week (told you it was new) I had the discussion with my husband that I believe I am bi-sexual. Something has been stirring inside me for awhile now (years) and only recently (like 6 months) have I realized what it was. I have a fondness of other women; you know, the way they smell, look, feel...you get it I'm sure.

Anyway, we have tried swinging and even though it was fun, it didn't work for us as we thought it was more just sex without the feelings behind it. We've talked about poly before but never went any further than a conversation. So last week we talked about it and decided we'd like to be poly.

Question: Can you just "BE" poly? Where do we start? We'd like to meet another female to add to our already loving and great marriage of 13 years and possibly another male sometime down the line. We've talked about many different scenarios...

Can someone enlighten me? I have been reading a lot on here and honestly I'm not sure where to go next and what to and not to read.
Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2013, 12:08 AM
Dagferi's Avatar
Dagferi Dagferi is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,817

My advice get yourself your own girlfriend.

If down the line she decides to date your husband also down the line organicly then awesome.

People are not toys to be shared.
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 50/50 split of time between my two husbands.
Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2013, 12:55 AM
BigGuy's Avatar
BigGuy BigGuy is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: East Central Illinois
Posts: 118

Well, in order to learn the secret handshake and get the Certificate of Authenticity, you'll have to complete the 24 week correspondence course.

Other suggested reading is typically The Ethical Slut and Opening Up. Do some Googling and you'll find a plethora of resources. Good keywords are "couple privilege" and "jealousy".

Welcome, good luck, and remember, as the saying goes, There's no one right way to do polyamory, but there are plenty of wrong ways to do it.
Me: 48 - Married, straight, male
Shiela: My wife.
Suzanne: My FWB
Adam: Shiela's LDR
Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2013, 01:15 AM
BakerChick's Avatar
BakerChick BakerChick is offline
New Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: NE Ohio about 30 minutes east of Cleveland
Posts: 3
Default Not what we meant...

Dagferi, that's not what we meant by any means. We, meaning neither my husband or I would treat someone like a toy. That's not what we meant at all. Just being new to the idea as we can't say we are new to "being" polyamorous as we've not yet been in a multi-dimensional relationship we weren't sure of the do's and don'ts as there's really some odd material out there when you Google it.

Currently we hope to meet another female who can be our friend and possibly more if it happens "organically". Nothing forced or fake or just a fling. That's what our "idea" is. Whether that happens or not is another story.

Thanks for the advice on reading material...
Reply With Quote
Old 11-03-2013, 02:03 AM
Emm's Avatar
Emm Emm is offline
Stealth Mod
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,414

The configuration you've fixed upon seems to be the most commonly sought and most commonly screwed up amongst new-to-poly couples. Try this article for some reasons why: So, somebody called you a Unicorn Hunter?.
Reply With Quote

beginning, poly

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 06:19 PM.