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  #21  
Old 11-02-2013, 10:16 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Are we screaming from the roof tops hey look at us we're poly. No. I am an extremely private person. I have no need for a large social circle or the approval of others. I am a classic INTJ personality. Like I said I live my life.

I am a Unitarian so no one blinks twice at church.

Murf comes to kid events be it school, scouts, sports. Butch gets introduced as Dad, Murf as Murf. I am sure most think in those circles that we are a divorced family who gets along well.

My two households are 20 miles apart. But Murf comes and stays with me from time to time. A trouble making neighbor thought she was catching me cheating and ran to tattle to Butch a few weeks ago. Butch told her bluntly that is Dagferi's other husband.

Like I said we just go about our lives. Murf's parents and family do not know. If they ask they will be told the truth. Just isn't important to bring up because they will never be around Butch unless we decide to have a.formal wedding ceremony for his family.
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40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.

Last edited by Dagferi; 11-02-2013 at 10:19 PM.
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  #22  
Old 11-02-2013, 11:08 PM
Dstone Dstone is offline
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Default Jealous...

..removed by Dstone...
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BB - 47, Loving Wife and best friend / co-driver
ZF - 24, Also the love of my lfe. BB'd daughter.
My Twisted Story... http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=61388

Last edited by Dstone; 11-03-2013 at 10:20 AM. Reason: making it its own thread...
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  #23  
Old 11-03-2013, 01:32 AM
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BakerChick BakerChick is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
We just live our lives. If my family doesn't like it tough shit. Same goes for everyone else.

But my guys have separate social circles.
My thoughts exactly...
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  #24  
Old 11-03-2013, 02:39 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
LR, I get where you're coming from, but that's not an entirely fair question. Not everyone is in a place where they're privileged to go public with a poly relationship. Not intending to be harsh


That's true-but she specifies that she couldn't ever be out even if it was with someone else.
THAT is assuming that her circumstances will NEVER change.
And while I agree that she may not be in a place NOW for that to happen-
if she's alive
dislikes that limit
is open to making effort

THEN it isn't a foregone conclusion that she can never be out JUST because she's a third.

That's faulty reasoning.
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  #25  
Old 11-03-2013, 02:47 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
C'mon, I know not everyone here is as open as they claim, or once in a while, we'd run into a few of you who admitted it I have never met someone, or met someone who met someone, or met someone who....you get the idea... who openly acknowledged swinging, or the hint of non-monogamy, in casual chatting. Only after months of knowing the person and them confiding.

You might be honest with a few close friends, maybe even your friends and family, but I think she's worried about public acceptance, being able to just tell anyone she's dating a couple when they ask if she's engaged, which is a totally different thing. And telling those people in the first place can be very intimidating.

Now, I might be wrong, but does anyone here freely live a poly lifestyle?
I rarely say "I'm poly" in conversation. I say "this is my boyfriend GG and this is my husband Maca" on a regularly (almost daily) basis.
There are large poly communities-if you are in the right places.

We have at least 3 neighbors who are poly. I have an instructor at the college who is openly poly, bi, BDSM, etc.

Do you ever socialize in your local LGBT circles? I find LOTS of polys in ours.

Our facebook accounts are linked-and open. OUTRAGEOUSLY pointedly open.

The key-in all truth-is the kids. Once you decide to be honest with your kids-it's pretty much a done deal that you will be out in town-cause kids talk.

Our local grade schools encounter poly. Cause the poly configurations have 3-5 "parents" listed. It just is what it is.

Now-as noted in my profile. I live in Alaska-which isn't the "bible belt" of the US.
But I have MANY poly friends who are proud and out in Washington and Canada too.
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  #26  
Old 11-03-2013, 02:56 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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polyinpractice
do a search on facebook-there are poly groups.

Additionally-if you want added to one-you can PM me.
There are LOTS of people who are in private facebook poly groups (so they don't show up on your newsfeed) who are actually publicly poly, like myself, but are part of those groups to support those people who aren't openly poly.

There's a HUGE poly network on the west coast that has a big poly camp every year. I think you can find it searching polyamory northwest camp in google.
Also-here are a few links which will likely lead you to more "out and about" poly stuff.
www.polycamp.org
polyevents.blogspot.com
polyparadise.azcompuguy.com/
www.line-family.info/links.htm‎
healingtoday.com/spg.htm‎

A little research will educate you on just how many people actually live "out" in this lifestyle.
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  #27  
Old 11-05-2013, 03:34 PM
Faerylights Faerylights is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
And while I agree that she may not be in a place NOW for that to happen-
if she's alive
dislikes that limit
is open to making effort

THEN it isn't a foregone conclusion that she can never be out JUST because she's a third.

That's faulty reasoning.
Hey LR, excellent point. I tend to have emotions first and locate my logic later (sometimes, like today, with help). "Not now" doesn't mean "not ever." --Thank you.
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  #28  
Old 11-05-2013, 04:28 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Originally Posted by Faerylights View Post
Hey LR, excellent point. I tend to have emotions first and locate my logic later (sometimes, like today, with help). "Not now" doesn't mean "not ever." --Thank you.
Me too.
That's why I said it.
I have to remind myself often.
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  #29  
Old 11-08-2013, 11:47 AM
LondonGuy LondonGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
We just live our lives. If my family doesn't like it tough shit. Same goes for everyone else.
I like this attitude, but could I ask you to clarify what you mean by it?

Do you mean "We just live our lives openly. If my family doesn't like it tough shit. Same goes for everyone else."

Or "We just live our lives, we don't owe anybody details on anything. If my family doesn't like it tough shit. Same goes for everyone else."

I'd personally like to take the first approach with my Mum/Brother/Closest friends and anyone I know in the kink/poly community. The second approach would be suitable to other friends, distant family and colleagues etc.

Is this how most others handle it?

I'm having some difficulty in figuring out how to come out to my mum... Not wanting to derail the thread are there any links people could post which would help with planning this?

I want her to know as we're really close, especially as my Dad past away 3 years ago. We've spoken about it loosely before in the context of my housemates relationship. She was asking whether he would want to move out and settle with his girlfriend since they've been dating so long (he's also in the kink scene and that's how we met). Problem is that she was very shocked and judgmental about the lifestyle when it was talked about with regards to him. I tried to rationalise things and did say that I was situationally poly but she really didn't seem like she could ever approve of it fully.

It's why I'm so keen to meet with my girlfriend now before I tell her. She knows I'm in a relationship but doesn't know that my girlfriend has another boyfriend and I'd rather she was able to see how brilliant she is for me before I come out about this, otherwise she will judge her before meeting her.

Thanks in advance!!
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  #30  
Old 11-08-2013, 12:40 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Actually it is both at the same time.

We just live our lives. I am a private person who doesn't advertise every tidbit of my life with everyone. But my relationships are separate entities. They exist on a parallel plane. I have two separate homes. One with Butch which is my kids main home. And then my home with Murf. The boys do spend time there too.

Honestly the general public doesn't give a diddly about what most people do with their lives. Todays culture with Facebook and social media have given the impression that people care more than they actually do. In reality no one cares that you ate, where you go, who you are with or etc.
__________________
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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