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  #21  
Old 08-26-2009, 11:46 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pokey View Post
How do people deal with this??
I don't..people ask and I tell if the question is right.
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  #22  
Old 08-26-2009, 11:55 PM
pokey pokey is offline
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Default unacceptable

This situation would be unacceptable to my neighbors, friends, and family!
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  #23  
Old 08-27-2009, 12:02 AM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pokey View Post
This situation would be unacceptable to my neighbors, friends, and family!

I guess you have to figure out what's more important - pleasing yourself or pleasing the neighbors, friends, and family.

You are the only one who can control you, and you are the only one you can control.
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  #24  
Old 08-27-2009, 12:07 AM
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Default alone

I guess I am a worry wart by nature but also felt I was alone in this lifestyle. I didn't set out looking for this situation I was just blessed with two amazing people to cross my life path. I just googled this lifestyle and am suprised to see that lots of other people are involved in it as well. One of my other major worries is my own children and the effects it can have on them in the future.
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  #25  
Old 08-27-2009, 10:52 PM
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Is there any access to community near you? I get a huge amount of support from knowing people here who are similar in thinking to me. They don't all do it the same, but I can at least feel I am not completely alone. This forum helps for sure too.

We are off to our monthly poly meeting tonight. I can't wait to see everyone again, even though a few I have seen since last month. it's always eye opening, interesting, entertaining and thought provoking to say the least. This month we are doing some exercises from "The Ethical Slut." I'm not a huge fan of the book now, but it did get me thinking I wasn't crazy about 12 years ago. We'll see how it goes tonight. If nothing else it will be great to even discuss the book!
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  #26  
Old 08-27-2009, 11:02 PM
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If nothing else it will be great to even discuss the book!
Speak for yourself Satan's Bible, here we come

I'm sooo dramatic...but I do hate that book
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  #27  
Old 08-27-2009, 11:07 PM
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ditto. I hate it too... for many of the same reasons you list in other threads.
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  #28  
Old 08-28-2009, 02:22 AM
pokey pokey is offline
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Unhappy RE" Redpeppers Comments

Redpepper,
Thank you for your reply. Some more background on me/us. We are all professionals and are very present in the community we live in. This proves to be difficult at times, but I can usually deal with it. We have been in a triad for 7 years. MFM. One mono and then my husband and myself. The mono is divorced with kids of his own. None of the kids "know" persay, but they realize we are super close friends and plan to build our lives together. The kids never seem to have a problem with the closeness, they actually accept it all, it seems natural to them. My kids call him uncle since my children are younger and his kids think it is funny to call me god mom to avoid others questioning of not really being related. The exwife however has made this situation pretty crazy at times. We all moved in together a few years ago and if we lived in a bubble life would be so easy for the most part. Other people really make this situation more difficult
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  #29  
Old 08-29-2009, 02:04 PM
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YAY! someone in a MFM like me, it isn't very common is it?
You sound like you are struggling, but I am not sure what the specifics are? If you have all been together for 7 years, why now? What specifically is going on that makes it all a struggle right now? What has the ex wife done in the past that has made it difficult and what is it with the neighbors that would make your family unexceptionable in their eyes?
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  #30  
Old 08-30-2009, 01:50 AM
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Default more specifics

You say it is not quite common... I actually thought I was completely alone in this situation! I have yet to hear of anything like it ever in my life... it was new to me as well and I just sorta fell into it without any prior thought etc... It just seemed right at the time. Natural and pure, no agendas just everyone looking out for the other with a bond that I can't even explain. Since I have kids of school age I do get questions like who is that? my kids always tell people their uncle lives with them too and at times some bold people will say he is not your real uncle because he is not your mom or dads sibling. I can't even imagine saying that to anyone ever, the nerve of some people. I guess for a long time now I feel I have this burden of a secret on my shoulders, it is probable a weight I put on myself. I sometimes have a hard time with the fact that the mono won't ever be "more" in other peoples eyes. I am not sure why that matters to me because his concern is what we have together and needs no other approval or recognition. Knowing I am with him is all he needs and I wish I could be more like that too. My husband is a pure saint and tells me we all know what we have , share etc.. and why is more love bad? If other people surmise, questions etc. he doesn't really care either. Another issue for me are my kids who are my driving force in life and I would never want this to effect them negatively in the future. Mono and my husband think the more people they have to trully love and support them is only a benefit. As for the ex well she is a certified crazy to begin with, but she tries to brainwash her and mono's kids into believing we are all whacko's! She also tries to make them and everyone believe we are possibly mooching to take from what they would have had and that my family is more impt then them and on and on. They are getting older and we just try and stay consistent and two have seen the light, but it has been a journey and magnified because of her to say the least. So... your right I am struggling and I am usually a pretty independent confident person ,but I sometimes have a hard time working through and processing this situation. As for my family and neighbors, i think I was more friendly and close in the past but as our triad gets closer I get more paranoid of questions and have somewhat retreated and am more secretive about what we do. My family also gets super jealous and questioning about why I spend so much time with him and not more time with them? And usually it is because as I get older and have super busy lives when I have free time I want to be with them and my children because they lift me up and make me a better person and if I go with them I am filled with anxiety and worry about the questions to come. I look forward to your insights on my situation!
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