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  #51  
Old 11-28-2013, 02:14 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
Never, including you, have an expectation of privacy when on the web. Someone can always find something.
So true. Years ago, I once sold some lingerie on eBay (full slips and half-slips that I'd never worn) and noticed that the winning bidder had bought a ton of women's underwear in large and Plus sizes. Out of curiosity, I Googled their email address and quite easily discovered conversations from other forums and found out that my buyer of frilly undergarments was a rather burly guy with an officer's rank in the US Army. I even found his picture - in just a few steps. I wrote to him and told him he should change his user name and get a new email to use just on eBay if he wanted to keep his ladies' undergarment-buying private. He never replied. I then all my lingerie auctions to private so no one could see the bidders' emails (I think they do that automatically for all of them now).
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Last edited by nycindie; 11-28-2013 at 02:19 AM.
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  #52  
Old 11-28-2013, 03:03 AM
Norwegianpoly Norwegianpoly is offline
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simple solution (for you): do not link your profiles to his if you don't like his level of privacy. You cannot control him, or even make him consider what his level of privacy IS if he is not interested. You act like a wife even though I take it you are not. Protect yourself and limit his acess to you if you feel you need to do so.

simple solution (for him): accept that googling is something everybody does, ESPECIALLY people in relationships, but also work and well...everybody, and that being not so private on the net enables others to find, surprise, information on the net. Him being in different sites with the same name will make it a lot easier for people to find him. It is like agreeing to be listed in the phone book and still be angry that people are able to contact you.

I think the both of you need to work on communication before becoming so easily pissed about simple matters. I mean, it is fair enough to GET pissed, but you believe in your own moods like the Bible. Stop trying to be right, start wanting to make connection. In every relationship, one has to be more humble that one originally wished in order to make it work.
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  #53  
Old 11-28-2013, 03:13 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Originally Posted by Norwegianpoly View Post
You act like a wife even though I take it you are not.
Sentence caught my eye. What does it mean to "act like a wife"? Just curious. I, myself, am a wife...I never got an "operator's manual" telling me how to act (which is probably good...it would have just pissed me off - I don't respond well to people telling me what to do). Guess I've just been winging it for the last 17 years...

(PS. I also never got a guidebook telling me how to "act like a girlfriend"...maybe I am doing THAT wrong too!)
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  #54  
Old 11-28-2013, 10:44 AM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
Sentence caught my eye. What does it mean to "act like a wife"? Just curious. I, myself, am a wife...I never got an "operator's manual" telling me how to act (which is probably good...it would have just pissed me off - I don't respond well to people telling me what to do). Guess I've just been winging it for the last 17 years...

(PS. I also never got a guidebook telling me how to "act like a girlfriend"...maybe I am doing THAT wrong too!)
I think it is a sub section of the larger manual 'Act like a woman'
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  #55  
Old 11-28-2013, 01:56 PM
Norwegianpoly Norwegianpoly is offline
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Why on earth is he against you finding stuff about his children, himself and the wife on internet? It sounds like has has got a second agenda. Because you are not stealing his passwords, or looking into his phone, or his diary, or anything else that would be regarded by most people as trespassing privacy.

I agree that it is better to ask him than to search online, however he does not seem to be offering even the slightest information willingly, and he is very resentful towards what seem to me as healthy curiosiry, even partially care towards him.
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  #56  
Old 11-28-2013, 02:01 PM
Norwegianpoly Norwegianpoly is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
Sentence caught my eye. What does it mean to "act like a wife"? Just curious. I, myself, am a wife...I never got an "operator's manual" telling me how to act (which is probably good...it would have just pissed me off - I don't respond well to people telling me what to do). Guess I've just been winging it for the last 17 years...

(PS. I also never got a guidebook telling me how to "act like a girlfriend"...maybe I am doing THAT wrong too!)
Well, I just meant that it is more appropriate to be "demanding" when you have known each other a long long time and really know each other's personality and the issues between you. Better yet, to just be nice to each other and talk civilized yet honest about things, still in most cases there are once in a while neccesary to use ultimatums and vetos and I think as a wife I have a right to do that. Of course you can always decide that a new person should have such rights but then it needs to be actively negotiated (hopefully one will negotiate anyway, but I guess you might know what I mean. Putting in the years gives you something to expect).
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  #57  
Old 11-28-2013, 02:31 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Originally Posted by Norwegianpoly View Post
Well, I just meant that it is more appropriate to be "demanding" when you have known each other a long long time and really know each other's personality and the issues between you. Better yet, to just be nice to each other and talk civilized yet honest about things, still in most cases there are once in a while neccesary to use ultimatums and vetos and I think as a wife I have a right to do that. Of course you can always decide that a new person should have such rights but then it needs to be actively negotiated (hopefully one will negotiate anyway, but I guess you might know what I mean. Putting in the years gives you something to expect).
Forgive me but....that is a weak excuse. Firstly not everyone goes in for the hierarchal 'I am the wife so I have rights to be demanding' schtick.

Secondly, people, including secondaries have the right to demand certain things, including not having their health and welfare be put at risk, not being screamed at and/or threatened over seeing something freely available etc.

Your comment about her obviously not being a wife was disparaging, no use no point in making things worse by using a piss poor excuse.
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  #58  
Old 11-28-2013, 03:00 PM
Norwegianpoly Norwegianpoly is offline
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Originally Posted by london View Post
What group is the Fet discussion in. I would like to see his point of view. You know, my mum is a bit like that. She will say "well, I needed a lighter, and even though there was no reason to think one would be in that box under your bed, I checked anyway and I saw some private stuff of yours." She just doesn't get it.
I see his point of view, too, still he seems incredibly naive and seem to not be able to take care of himself (I OFTEN find that with private people! Never understood why that is). Why not just put your stuff somewhere that can be locked and kept out of reach? I don't put my diaries on the dining room table hoping that none of my friends will read them...

Last edited by Norwegianpoly; 11-28-2013 at 03:12 PM.
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  #59  
Old 11-28-2013, 03:10 PM
Norwegianpoly Norwegianpoly is offline
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Originally Posted by Natja View Post
Forgive me but....that is a weak excuse. Firstly not everyone goes in for the hierarchal 'I am the wife so I have rights to be demanding' schtick.

Secondly, people, including secondaries have the right to demand certain things, including not having their health and welfare be put at risk, not being screamed at and/or threatened over seeing something freely available etc.

Your comment about her obviously not being a wife was disparaging, no use no point in making things worse by using a piss poor excuse.
I was making a joke of her acting like an enraged wife, which seemed strange so soon into the relationship. I don't belive anyone should be demanding, I think one should care for oneself and try to be nice to others. Anyway, I was not reffering to a hierarchy of people, but of time/commitment.

I also said - in the very same paragraph - she can protect herself quite simply by refusing to link herself up to anyone that she considers to lack the kind of privacy she prefers.

My comment about her not being the wife by the way also correlate with him not being her husband; he has not long standing trust to build on with her, so that when he treats her unconsiderably she will have less reason to stay with him than would a wife who could afford to be more patient because the past has given her reasons to belive he will make up for it later. "Behaving like a wife" (or a husband) is a state of mind one should not embark not in new relationships. There one should be always kind and always expect kindness as a rule, as well as protect oneself. There are difficult things to come in a relationship, you don't want to start out by not being able to find workable compromises even over petty things.

Last edited by Norwegianpoly; 11-28-2013 at 03:13 PM.
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  #60  
Old 11-28-2013, 03:46 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Ah ok, I think that is one of those lost in translation jokes!
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