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Old 10-29-2013, 10:56 PM
Capable Capable is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 1
Default Dipping my toes in the water

Hey y'all.

I've been lurking for a few weeks and figured it was high time that I introduce myself.

I'm Capable. I'm a mid-20's midwesterner. I don't "do" labels, but I guess I'll claim the label heteroflexible. I've been married to my husband for just over two years. I let him know early on in our dating life that I don't "do" monogamy, and we've had a hall pass/swinging agreement since we began dating.

I never thought I'd find myself perusing polyamory, but the more I think about it the more it makes sense. I'm naturally a very outgoing, nurturing, caring person who wears my heart on my sleeve, and I've always lived by the motto that the heart is capable of infinte love.

The husband and I have had many conversations about our comfort level with moving from being physically open but emotionally monogamous to a true poly situation, and I think we are finally at the point where he is comfortable with the fact that I want to love my lovers.

He has absolutely no interest (at this time) in an emotional relationship with anyone else, but I have zero issues if someone comes into his life that he wants to love fiercely and deeply.

Currently it's just the two of us, and we haven't been intimate with others since before our marriage- simply due to a lack of time and no real desire. However over the past month I've found myself talking to a gentleman I formerly worked with (We'll call him Mac). He's recently divorced and has just started dating again. We've made plans to get together when I'm next in his town (he lives several states away) with an unspoken understanding that we'll probably end up hooking up. He knows that the hubs and I have an open marriage, and he's still wrapping his head around that. He doesn't know that I've been talking with hubs about allowing myself to become emotionally involved with others.

I have a feeling that at most Mac and I will be FWB, but I'm just looking forward to seeing where this goes.
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Old 10-30-2013, 01:46 AM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,140

Hi Capable,
Welcome to our forum.

I hope you and Mac enjoy a fun and rewarding visit/relationship, and that your husband is cool with any emotional connections that may develop. Thing is, sometimes we agree to something on paper and think, "I can handle that," but when the rubber hits the road an unexpected state of panic sets in. All I mean to say is that you may still find yourself having more heavy conversations with your husband before polyamory really becomes a "fully established deal" in your life.

In my 5-6 years of poly forum membership, I've sure witnessed a lot of people make the "transition" from swinging to polyamory (I put transition in quotes because some people actually practice both kinds of connections). I've observed that it tends to be really scary to add the emotional/in love/committed factor to the "mere" sexual relations that can exist between people. But, with lots of love, communication, and foods for thought, you guys can get there, and be rewarded by the journey (even if your husband decides to stick with swinging and/or the like for himself).

Glad you could join us, hope you'll look around on our site and post the various thoughts, questions, and concerns that you may want to share.

Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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