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  #11  
Old 10-24-2013, 05:10 PM
Jimmy Jimmy is offline
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Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
This reads like cuckold and breeder porn. I am very skeptical if it is true.

However on the unlikely chance it is real, get therapy for yourself and your wife. There is no way two mentally and emotionally healthy adults would have accepted such behavior. It's manipulative, non-consensual and disturbing.

Of course that's why it's fap fodder.
If I were you, I wouldn't argue about 'normal', 'mentally healthy', 'disturbing', etc. I happened to see such things that I don't use those terms any longer.
And there's no joke in my post. I don't like your implications. If you have nothing to say to the point, then just pass by.
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  #12  
Old 10-24-2013, 11:00 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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One other thought that's occurred to me since yesterday: maybe this Chinese guy needs some professional help/counseling as well. He seems to have some inappropriate control issues. But would he be willing to listen to a therapist? He seems to be sooo self-confident ... ah, but humility is an important virtue, too.

We're just a website with a bunch of random people; we can't *know* whether someone's story is for real (and you might be surprised how many tale-telling trolls there are out there), but I'm just speaking to you from the point of view of the information I've been given so far. If nothing else, it may be helpful to others who follow?

Shoot, I'd like it if I could be sure you were just "telling us a story." If this stuff is happening to you for real, then honestly, I feel rather bad for you. Personal opinion: this Chinese guy has no rightful place in your lives. Move away, and make sure he doesn't get your forwarding address. I'm sorry he has (seems to have) issues, but he has to be the ultimate person in charge of those issues. Don't get sucked down his whirlpool; it won't help any of you.

Re (from Jimmy):
Quote:
"Yes, Kevin, you're right in many ways. And yet, my wife and this guy already have two children (one unborn), she's not ready, I believe, to exclude him from our life."
Ah, so one of his children has already been born. So what happens now? You wait until he has six kids by her, then decide if she's ready to exclude him from her life? Jeezh, doesn't it seem like you'd just be getting deeper and deeper into his bottomless pit? Both of you have serious reservations about him. You only put up with him because of his bed prowess. Based on what I know so far, all I can think of is: Run! Run! Run!
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  #13  
Old 10-25-2013, 12:05 AM
Jimmy Jimmy is offline
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Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Ah, so one of his children has already been born. So what happens now? You wait until he has six kids by her, then decide if she's ready to exclude him from her life? Jeezh, doesn't it seem like you'd just be getting deeper and deeper into his bottomless pit? Both of you have serious reservations about him. You only put up with him because of his bed prowess. Based on what I know so far, all I can think of is: Run! Run! Run!
That is absolutely out of question. I have my business here. And we can't just take our luggage and move somewhere. Why should we? Is this guy a terrorist? I could easily throw him out of our life, but Pauline doesn't seem willing to do this. At least not now. I think, she must choose. I'll have to tell her, if she's going to go on with him, it'll be over between us.
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  #14  
Old 10-25-2013, 12:20 AM
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Ah -- you have the more difficult path to follow: telling *him* to run.

Wow, so Pauline is really hooked on this guy. Alas she doesn't realize what a toxic streak he has! Maybe she almost did realize it at one time? but somehow he has put the "whammy" on her.

Wow, sucks to be in your situation. Go along with Pauline's black-hole trajectory, or fire up the afterburners and leave her to her own tragic end. Jeezh, sorry it's like that, but it kind of seems like it is.

Too bad this Chinese guy won't get some psychological help. I think he needs it.
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  #15  
Old 10-25-2013, 02:54 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy View Post
And we can't just take our luggage and move somewhere. Why should we? Is this guy a terrorist?
In a word, yes. He is. He is terrorizing you and your wife. I don't understand why you are not as disgusted by him as we are.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy View Post
I could easily throw him out of our life, but Pauline doesn't seem willing to do this.
Well then you will have to grow some balls and draw the line. She needs serious help. Would you sit back and do nothing if she wanted to smoke crystal meth or walk around a bad neighborhood at night? Kowtowing to her predilection is not the way to help her. It only serves to cause more damage. Take a stand, and intervene!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy View Post
I think, she must choose. I'll have to tell her, if she's going to go on with him, it'll be over between us.
She doesn't need someone who gives an ultimatum and abandons her. She needs someone to be strong where she is weak, to cut off all contact with the Chinese guy, and to get her into serious, intensive mental therapy. Your partner is stumbling and needs your help - all you've done so far is step back and watch. Now you have to do what you can to save her life. She's your wife, for goodness sakes.


That is, if this whole story isn't fiction. It is so damn hard to believe any of it! But if it's real, I urge you to step up and tend to her mental health, do something serious like get a restraining order against the Chinese dude.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 10-25-2013 at 02:56 AM.
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  #16  
Old 10-25-2013, 06:24 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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I guess you do owe it to her to try to help her get out of this quicksand pit, before doing anything else. Let's just hope she'll reach out and take that branch when you offer it to her.
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  #17  
Old 10-26-2013, 04:20 PM
Jimmy Jimmy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post

That is, if this whole story isn't fiction. It is so damn hard to believe any of it! But if it's real, I urge you to step up and tend to her mental health, do something serious like get a restraining order against the Chinese dude.
I only want her to be happy. Don't know what I should do in this situation. Hope we'll cope with it. BTW, I didn't think it to be sooo tragic as you've described it. My wife seems quite satisfied with her life.
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  #18  
Old 10-26-2013, 04:38 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy View Post
I only want her to be happy. Don't know what I should do in this situation. Hope we'll cope with it. BTW, I didn't think it to be sooo tragic as you've described it. My wife seems quite satisfied with her life.
Yeah. You and she and he are all happy, but kids are not "awkward situations." You are seriously all crazy and I hope someone is around who can care for these children as they deserve....and not as the byproduct of someone's fetish for getting pregnant.

"Cope with it?" Yeah, you don't "cope" with having kids.

"I believe my wife's attitude is weird" There's "weird" and there's "f*ed up." Getting pregnant as a fetish is not weird, it's insane. Seriously, she needs professional help.

"That is absolutely out of question. I have my business here." So your business comes before your wife's kids. Fine, but so far, I have seen no concern from you about the children....they're just the natural result of what it takes to keep your wife happy and with you. Maybe you should think about them, and not about your sex life.

To everyone else, this is fake, right? People don't do this kind of thing?

Last edited by PolyinPractice; 10-26-2013 at 04:44 PM.
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  #19  
Old 10-26-2013, 05:53 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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I just met a poly husband last weekend who told me his wife's fetish is being pregnant. They are 32 with 6 children. I just, for the life of me, could never have that many kids. Mine are nicely spread out and it's great because each child gets a lot more of devoted attention from DH and I. The oldest was almost 8 when I had my second child and aside from the built-in sitter each child's needs were different and we as parents could actually be there for each of them. Even when our third and last came a few years ago (makes it 13 between oldest and youngest and the middle one is 5.5 years older than the baby) 8 weeks early, each child still received quality love, care and attention.

What's nuts about having so many kids is that fair to them? I really was happy with my two, a girl and a boy. DH and I had replaced ourselves, so to speak, and the third, well accidents can happen and I don't regret having her but the reality is, my oldest will start college and my youngest will start kindergarten at the same time in a few more years.

Jimmy - when this next baby is delivered and it's 6 weeks later, make sure this guy is sitll in China and convince her to get an IUD. She can't just remove it, she will never have to take a pill and she'll probably love it, reducing periods etc. I am on the mirena iud and I love it!

Other posters are correct - you don't care about these babies (they aren't yours) and if you truly care about your wife...I hate saying this but get her to a psychologist/psychiatrist because she sounds as much of a whack job as this guy does.
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  #20  
Old 10-26-2013, 09:06 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Haha...laughing at Alibabe's shock at 6 kids.... I knew a couple with 15...and they couldn't take care of them all and had respite babysitting.

Pregnancy fetish is truly vile. I wish they could be surrogates or something, at least that way they are helping others with their fetish instead of having children they are only half interested in.
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