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  #1  
Old 10-23-2013, 10:16 PM
Jimmy Jimmy is offline
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Default Our triangle

Hello, guys.

I want to share my true life/love story with you. Previously I thought my relationship with my wife was something strange, weird, upappropriate and I couldn't share it with anyone. Now I got used to it, though I never thought it would happen to me.

We're are now in our 20s. I'm 26 and my wife 23 years old. We got married two years ago. I was deeply in love with her then, and still am now. At first I thought our relationship was perfect. We had absolutely no secrets from each other. And once my beloved wife told me I wasn't her first sexual partner. For the first time she had sex with a Chinese guy when she was 17 and studied in China. He was older, 26 years then. As she told me, she actually didn't like him much. But he was extremely persistent, and she was lonely then and had problems with her studies. He went steady after her and finally got what he wanted: they had sex. He took her virginity. As I understand, they didn't bother much about protection. They were sexual partners for rather a long period of time. He got her pregnant. He wanted to marry her, but she wasn't prepared for this and she was sure her parents wouldn't approve of it. In short, she made an abortion. And soon left China.

Some time later she met me, we fell passionately in love and got married. That was a different story and I shall not dwell on this. What is important is that this Chinese guy never ceased writing and calling her - in short, keeping in touch. She wasn't happy about that, but he had her contacts. And she somehow felt obliged to him (I still can't understand why).

Soon after we got married this guy arrived in our city. He asked (even begged) my wife to meet him, take him around the city. He reminded her of her life in China, her first sexual experience, her unborn baby. To make a long story short, he got my wife into his bed again. She spent with him about a week in his hotel room. I'm sure that was the real and only purpose of his stay. Then he went back to China and again left her pregnant with his baby. She told me she didn't want that to happen, but he had some inexplicable power over her. She simply couldn't resist him, and he made sex to her without any condoms or pills she had always taken.

After much hesitation we decided to keep the baby because my wife was afraid to make an abortion again. When the Chinese guy found out he was going to be a father, he came again and told her he was going to participate in her and her baby's lives.

This participation included sexual intercourse as well. Finally we became a real triad. My wife says she doesn't love him, but he gives her such sexual satisfaction she has never known with other men (i.e. with me). He only fucks her bareback and doesn't accept any kind of contraception. And I think the possibility and even high risk of getting pregnant by him is what makes it especially intense. Now she's bearing his baby again. A week ago we found out she was again pregnant.

During their last conversation he said she made him happy and he's going to make with her at least five or six (!) children.

I believe my wife's attitude is weird, but I love her so much and can't imagine my life without her.
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  #2  
Old 10-23-2013, 11:10 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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How did he find out he was about to be a father? She must've contacted him, of course.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy View Post
During their last conversation he said she made him happy and he's going to make with her at least five or six (!) children.

I believe my wife's attitude is weird, but I love her so much and can't imagine my life without her.
I think you need to both open your eyes. Bringing children into the world is something to be taken very seriously. It isn't a hobby. They are human beings with emotional, psychological, and physical needs! That your wife and her BF want to just get her pregnant for fun and thrills is ridiculous, and sounds like a fetish, but it is a very dangerous game. If this is a real story, I suggest therapy for all of you (and birth control!). I don't think anyone with this kind of cavalier attitude should be parenting children. What you're doing is extremely upsetting and disturbing to me.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post against hierarchy in polyamory: http://solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-i...short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 10-23-2013 at 11:12 PM.
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  #3  
Old 10-23-2013, 11:55 PM
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Hello Jimmy,
Welcome to our forum.

Wow; I, too, am concerned about the sound of your situation. From what I can see, this Chinese man essentially engaged in stalking behavior, contacting your wife when she didn't really want him to contact her. But now suddenly she is okay with him, has one of his kids and another is already on the way? What was so scary about having an abortion this time around?

Sounds to me like he has really gotten inside her head, and is an overbearing person. Great sex isn't everything; if he messes up her life (and yours) with an overabundance of kids, is it really worth it?

Do you have the financial means to support 5-6 kids? Do you have the time and energy to keep up with it? How much of a contribution is the Chinese fellow making to the care and raising of these kids? or is he more the type to just enjoy the sex and then let you and her worry about the consequences?

How does this affect any hopes you may have had to have kids with her? Seriously, it sounds like the other guy is completely taking over and making all the rules, and both of you are capitulating to him.

A "triangle" is a trio of adults who all have sex with each other. Do you have sex with this Chinese guy? I didn't get that impression from your original post. If not, then your configuration is better described as a V (with your wife as the hinge).

Polyamory is all about genuine knowledge and consent, on the part of all involved parties. Honestly, when you look inside yourself, do you really consent to this? Does your wife really consent to it? Are the two of you okay with being controlled like this guy is controlling you?

I'm a little scared for you. I hope your life and situation work out. I think a poly-friendly counselor would be a must for you guys.

On the other hand, what works for one family isn't what works for another family, so if you're truly okay with your family's state of affairs and it works for you, then carry on.

You might want to do some reading on various threads on this site, and I hope you'll keep us updated on your own situation as well.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Old 10-24-2013, 12:04 AM
Jimmy Jimmy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
How did he find out he was about to be a father? She must've contacted him, of course.
Yes, she did.

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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
That your wife and her BF want to just get her pregnant for fun and thrills is ridiculous, and sounds like a fetish, but it is a very dangerous game. If this is a real story, I suggest therapy for all of you (and birth control!).
I know that, of course. And I can't understand why she lets him do this to her. I've told her already that if she's going to go on with this sexual relationship she should at least think about birth control.

She told me once he had initially forced her to unprotected sex. But I don't think he does it now. It looks like she does it voluntarily. And I suspect this would continue.
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Old 10-24-2013, 12:15 AM
Jimmy Jimmy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Hello Jimmy,
Welcome to our forum.

Wow; I, too, am concerned about the sound of your situation. From what I can see, this Chinese man essentially engaged in stalking behavior, contacting your wife when she didn't really want him to contact her. But now suddenly she is okay with him, has one of his kids and another is already on the way? What was so scary about having an abortion this time around?

Sounds to me like he has really gotten inside her head, and is an overbearing person. Great sex isn't everything; if he messes up her life (and yours) with an overabundance of kids, is it really worth it?

Do you have the financial means to support 5-6 kids? Do you have the time and energy to keep up with it? How much of a contribution is the Chinese fellow making to the care and raising of these kids? or is he more the type to just enjoy the sex and then let you and her worry about the consequences?

How does this affect any hopes you may have had to have kids with her? Seriously, it sounds like the other guy is completely taking over and making all the rules, and both of you are capitulating to him.

A "triangle" is a trio of adults who all have sex with each other. Do you have sex with this Chinese guy? I didn't get that impression from your original post. If not, then your configuration is better described as a V (with your wife as the hinge).

Polyamory is all about genuine knowledge and consent, on the part of all involved parties. Honestly, when you look inside yourself, do you really consent to this? Does your wife really consent to it? Are the two of you okay with being controlled like this guy is controlling you?

I'm a little scared for you. I hope your life and situation work out. I think a poly-friendly counselor would be a must for you guys.

On the other hand, what works for one family isn't what works for another family, so if you're truly okay with your family's state of affairs and it works for you, then carry on.

You might want to do some reading on various threads on this site, and I hope you'll keep us updated on your own situation as well.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
Hi, Kevin.

Thank you for your thorough reply.

First of all, I'm against abortions. This is a terrible thing to happen. And my wife isn't sure what to do now. But the father wants her to keep the baby. He says he will take care of them, but I'm not sure about that. But, to tell you the truth, he tries to help.

Thanks God, we have financial means, but 6 Chinese children - it's too much.

Somehow he's really gotten into her head, you're right. I don't know what she's found in him. Well, great sex, that's it. To be honest, the whole situation turned me on in the beginning. I imagined how she got her satisfaction with him, how she moaned in his hands when he entered her. That sounds awful, but that's true. That's why I didn't stop it then. And now it's turned out to be an awkward situation.
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Old 10-24-2013, 12:25 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy View Post
And now it's turned out to be an awkward situation.
Awkward???!!! That's putting it rather mildly. It seems much more serious to me. You are young, so you may not realize that there are some people who have a very serious mental disorder which is connected to getting pregnant and having babies. I really really really recommend you and your wife get some professional help.

This isn't really a poly situation. It sounds like this man bad news and taking advantage of your wife. Don't be so complacent!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post against hierarchy in polyamory: http://solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-i...short-version/
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Old 10-24-2013, 12:36 AM
Jimmy Jimmy is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Awkward???!!! That's putting it rather mildly. It seems much more serious to me. You are young, so you may not realize that there are some people who have a very serious mental disorder which is connected to getting pregnant and having babies. I really really really recommend you and your wife get some professional help.

This isn't really a poly situation. It sounds like this man bad news and taking advantage of your wife. Don't be so complacent!
Yeah, maybe you're right. It's so complicated... I can't even say we should do it before it goes too far. Because it's already gone too far.

The guy says he's always loved my wife. And she likes it. She likes to know that someone is completely mad about her. I think that's the point. He says she's his first girl and doesn't want anyone else. At least that's what she says about him.
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  #8  
Old 10-24-2013, 12:42 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
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Well maybe to him this is like true love, but to me he should at least be willing to make some concessions. And she's content with him being crazy about her, even if she's not crazy about him?

Sounds to me like you've kind of gotten in over your head before you even quite realized it.

So you know six kids is gonna be too much ... so what are you going to do about that? surely not just let all six kids be born and hope you somehow get lucky?

I got the impression that the first of his kids with her had already been born? and that now there's a second child on the way? or did I misread that?

If abortion is out of the question, then birth control needs to seriously enter the question. I'm actually thinking she might want to consider getting her tubes tied, although as mentioned before that screws up any hopes you might have had of having kids with her. On the other hand, what else are you going to do, have six Chinese kids plus more kids that are yours and hers together? How many kids totally will we then be talking about?

I'm all for compersion (such as getting excited about the pleasure your wife receives from him), but again, you have to assess if all this great sex is really worth it, even if it's great for both of you. It's not just about whether he's going to help raise these children. It's also about whether you and your wife really like this guy enough to invest the rest of your lives with him. Guess I'd personally be turned off by his style ...

It's like he put the whammy on your wife. Like, she wasn't really interested in him in the beginning, yet somehow he talked her into having sex (and forcing it on her without protection? sounds hard to do if the sex itself is consensual), and then, by mere force of persistence, eventually talked her into giving him everything he wanted.

Makes me wonder if your wife doesn't have some kind of psychological disorder that's making her so vulnerable like this. But you have to examine your own mind, as you, too, have started to decide to go along with it.

I just really worry that this guy is going to screw up both of your lives. And all because he's great in bed? I hope both of you are getting more out of the relationship than just that.

No offense intended, sorry if any was given. You understand my concerns, I hope.
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  #9  
Old 10-24-2013, 01:25 AM
Jimmy Jimmy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Well maybe to him this is like true love, but to me he should at least be willing to make some concessions. And she's content with him being crazy about her, even if she's not crazy about him?

Sounds to me like you've kind of gotten in over your head before you even quite realized it.

So you know six kids is gonna be too much ... so what are you going to do about that? surely not just let all six kids be born and hope you somehow get lucky?

I got the impression that the first of his kids with her had already been born? and that now there's a second child on the way? or did I misread that?

If abortion is out of the question, then birth control needs to seriously enter the question. I'm actually thinking she might want to consider getting her tubes tied, although as mentioned before that screws up any hopes you might have had of having kids with her. On the other hand, what else are you going to do, have six Chinese kids plus more kids that are yours and hers together? How many kids totally will we then be talking about?

I'm all for compersion (such as getting excited about the pleasure your wife receives from him), but again, you have to assess if all this great sex is really worth it, even if it's great for both of you. It's not just about whether he's going to help raise these children. It's also about whether you and your wife really like this guy enough to invest the rest of your lives with him. Guess I'd personally be turned off by his style ...

It's like he put the whammy on your wife. Like, she wasn't really interested in him in the beginning, yet somehow he talked her into having sex (and forcing it on her without protection? sounds hard to do if the sex itself is consensual), and then, by mere force of persistence, eventually talked her into giving him everything he wanted.

Makes me wonder if your wife doesn't have some kind of psychological disorder that's making her so vulnerable like this. But you have to examine your own mind, as you, too, have started to decide to go along with it.

I just really worry that this guy is going to screw up both of your lives. And all because he's great in bed? I hope both of you are getting more out of the relationship than just that.

No offense intended, sorry if any was given. You understand my concerns, I hope.
Yes, Kevin, you're right in many ways. And yet, my wife and this guy already have two children (one unborn), she's not ready, I believe, to exclude him from our life.
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  #10  
Old 10-24-2013, 01:11 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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This reads like cuckold and breeder porn. I am very skeptical if it is true.

However on the unlikely chance it is real, get therapy for yourself and your wife. There is no way two mentally and emotionally healthy adults would have accepted such behavior. It's manipulative, non-consensual and disturbing.

Of course that's why it's fap fodder.
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