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  #31  
Old 10-25-2013, 04:43 PM
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dali5671 dali5671 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
No I am not a fan of the primary /secondary relationship model. I am not a fan of putting the wants of one individual over another. The only way that model seems to work is if the other partner also has a person they see as primary.

How open are you and your wife going to be about her boyfriend.

We have neither advertised or denied the relationship. We took a big step in attending a music fest this summer we knew lots of our friends would be there. My avatar is from the weekend, my epiphany weekend. Our friends who were paying attention know, and so far so good.Maybe in way we did advertise it in doing so.

Can they go out in public and show pdas?

Yes, I endorse completely.

If family is in town is he going to be put on the back burner?

Her family YES. They would not be accepting or understanding. It would cause issues a plenty.
I have none to speak of.

Holidays?

We invited him for Thanksgiving, he replied he celebrates No Holiday. He is still invited to be a part of our day.

Vacations?

Had one with him and kids in Sept.
How about your children, is he going to be around them and included in their lives?

Easing in, I would say. They like him.
What does you wife want out of this and where would she like it to go?

Uncertain. She feels very happy with him in her life.

How about him?

Uncertain. He feels happy to have her in his life.

Now how will you handle things if they want to take things to another level? Are you going to be ok with not being number one but sharing that place in her life?

I don't know yet.

Sorry I am new to forums of this nature, I am figuring the quote boxes.

Last edited by dali5671; 10-25-2013 at 05:03 PM.
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  #32  
Old 10-25-2013, 05:36 PM
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As a footnote, the first time he took us to meet his friends, it would have appeared that they were the married couple. I kind of chatted with the new people, and they were openly and blatantly PDA'ing most of the night. It was in March, things were still very new, but a great evening was had by all. Our kids were out of town, we brought him back to our place, it was our second sleepover.
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  #33  
Old 10-25-2013, 06:13 PM
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May I ask why you worded it as our sleepover.

Are you looking for a relationship with him too?

Or are you a cuckold dynamic?

Just trying to get an idea of your dynamic. Not trying to judge.
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  #34  
Old 10-25-2013, 06:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
May I ask why you worded it as our sleepover.

Are you looking for a relationship with him too?

Or are you a cuckold dynamic?

Just trying to get an idea of your dynamic. Not trying to judge.

We shared a bed, and all night sex.

Yes, on some level. The nature of our relationship is just really confusing to me. I feel a great deal of affection towards him. I am bisexual in sexual terms only though. Honestly, it stuck out to me as you had capped HER in your OP. You are correct, and I had have that post rolling around in my head since.


I am not a cuckold, the idea has occurred to me, we've talked about it, and I can't see it happening.
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  #35  
Old 10-25-2013, 06:48 PM
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YOU need to speak with him without your wife and see what kind of relationship he would like with you.

You seem like you are falling for him too. But you have said he is heterosexual. It would really suck to keep on this path and have him put the breaks on things because he was playing by your rules just to sleep with your wife or fulfill a fantasy.

To me it seems like you want a triad. Which can be a viable option. But they only tend to work when a relationship is established between one part of the original couple and the third first then after that relationship is on solid ground the other partner gets involved organically in it's own time. Couple dating rarely works as the third has many expectation placed upon then and the freak out and bolt or falls for one half the original couple.
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  #36  
Old 10-26-2013, 01:14 AM
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Possible outcome: you could end up with a closely-knit V, possibly with and additional FWB or two of your own on the side? Just thinking out loud and not intending to interrupt or anything.
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  #37  
Old 10-26-2013, 02:24 AM
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Please feel free to contribute anything you're thinking.

In the meantime, I was taking some to think about what Dagferi said.....

I am feeling a little off balance regarding my feelings for him. It is pretty much unlike anything I've ever felt.

I am hesitant to try to begin a conversation with him, he is sparing in the way he shares with Dahlia, and he hasn't done much to indicate he's too interested in conversing with me. I have let him know I'm pretty OK with sharing my thoughts and feelings, and I am just letting him share his at a pace he's comfortable with.

If a triad is to develop it will happen in similar fashion to the way their relationship has, which my wife has also described as organically.
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  #38  
Old 10-26-2013, 02:29 AM
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Nothing wrong with putting your feelings our there.

I may be direct to the point, sometimes to much so, but I don't want to see you get hurt. You seem like a kind caring person.
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  #39  
Old 10-26-2013, 02:48 AM
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I do appreciate your forthright nature, you made good points, and gave me plenty to think about.

I am way too sensitive, and mostly react like the "feeler" I am.

Thank you.

...really...
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  #40  
Old 10-26-2013, 04:51 AM
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I feel that the future is hard to predict; even moreso when you're getting your own feelings sorted out. Add to that K's difficulty in expressing himself, and it will probably be awhile before the three of you will know what your dynamic will ultimately look like.

I guess the main things are to establish that you're committed to staying together, and that you'll all try to treat each other fairly and meet each other's needs. From there, I think you kind of work on the details one day at a time.

That's how my hopes for you guys look anyways.
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