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  #21  
Old 01-29-2011, 10:34 PM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
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Flamekat - Congrats to you for getting out of a toxic environment, finding yourself and moving to a better place..

Not an easy thing to do for sure...

But if the alternative is staying - Well, that would be the harder path to be on...

Sharing stories like this does help people, Good for you !
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  #22  
Old 01-30-2011, 01:38 AM
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Flamekat - Congrats to you for getting out of a toxic environment, finding yourself and moving to a better place..

Not an easy thing to do for sure...

But if the alternative is staying - Well, that would be the harder path to be on...

Sharing stories like this does help people, Good for you !
Thanks Bella - I took the hard path for 15 years... at the time I left I thought myself a failure (even though I had the righteous indignation happening...and the how fucking dare you do this to me attitude)

emotional abuse is the worst - it saps you of your strength and any notion that you know what is right for yourself... I am still learning that how I feel and think is right ... for me.
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  #23  
Old 01-30-2011, 01:55 AM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
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emotional abuse is the worst - it saps you of your strength and any notion that you know what is right for yourself... I am still learning that how I feel and think is right ... for me.
I hear you. Emotional abuse takes away your ability to make decisions and to even think...ahhh...
It's a terrible thing when you end up in a position where you don't trust your owns thoughts...

Much better when your thoughts are your best friend, and you can trust them through and through.
It is great path to be on when discovering how you think and feel is right for you. Exciting times I'm loving it myself !!
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  #24  
Old 01-30-2011, 02:19 AM
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Originally Posted by bella123456 View Post
I hear you. Emotional abuse takes away your ability to make decisions and to even think...ahhh...
It's a terrible thing when you end up in a position where you don't trust your owns thoughts...

Much better when your thoughts are your best friend, and you can trust them through and through.
It is great path to be on when discovering how you think and feel is right for you. Exciting times I'm loving it myself !!
I'm a bit torn myself... I find it exciting and so amazing and wonderful when I feel that puzzle piece slide in and click... the joy from it, the knowing I am a little more whole is sheer pleasure...

but some of those puzzle pieces (like the one that brought me here) have hurt the ones I love... those pieces have given me the same joy - but that joy has been overshadowed by the pain involved for my loved ones...

bit of a seesaw act really... still, yes, very exciting to be on my journey...
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  #25  
Old 01-30-2011, 03:39 AM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
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Hey again FlameKat...I just read a bit of your previous posts to garner some info on where you are at present.

I'm reminded of the pantene ad "It's won't heppen overnight, but it will heppen" (sorry kiwis - that was a poor attempt at putting your accent into written form...)

Change can be painfully slow...and it is dreadful to hurt people we love - it's a really hard thing to go through.

I think it's really important to not be too hard on yourself in this regard. Sometimes we can be so desperate to get to where we want to be, we create such a wondeful picture of what that may look like that we just want to jump straight there...
But it's the little steps forward that are the really importants ones, rather than the massive leap. Little steps are fantastic, and we really should start to value them more....they can get overlooked when we're looking for a big leap.

Taking note of how important they are gives us some "success stories" - which we all need...Putting value on little steps gives us positive reinforcement and people who have left an abusive relationship needs lots of positive reinforcement. You can give this to yourself by valuing the little steps you have taken. They may not be leaps and bounds, but they are truly impressive...Really, really impressive.

I also believe that paying attention to the little steps can be important for another reason...we may take a little step onto a path that actually leads us to something different to where we thought we were going. We can be too focused on the destination...and end up missing the journey - yeah, that's bit corny - sorry !
In some ways, it is actually the seesaw that is the thing that really counts...as when it dips down we may feel a little (or a lot of) pain, and learn a little lesson (or a big one).

wish you luck on your journey
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  #26  
Old 01-30-2011, 07:34 AM
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Thanks
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  #27  
Old 01-31-2011, 09:30 PM
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I wrote to my friend and asked her if it would of been more helpful to of shown my anger towards the man who caused her pain. I admitted that I was very angry and that I really wanted to express that... she assured me that my letting her talk, working on a strategy that would get her to a place of healing and putting him in her past was more helpful. While she has had friends express their anger she needed someone to help her move forward and I helped her with that... I am glad I checked and glad she gained something from our interaction.

update: he came and got his stuff and her dad took her out. He came back for more stuff and she was their.... he just came right in and was angry and self righteous. She hid in her room while her roommate dealt with him. His anger was more around not having a place to live than anything else... there is still stuff there and now she is left wondering if he will show up again, or what she should do with it. I haven't heard what her plan is.

I asked her if I could post a link to her blog... she said I could but I don't have it yet. I will post it here when I do.
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  #28  
Old 01-31-2011, 09:32 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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You're an awesome friend RP.
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  #29  
Old 01-31-2011, 09:43 PM
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Being that he doesn't live there anymore he shouldn't be able to come around unannounced. The locks should be changed if he has a key. If he needs to get his stuff he will have to arrange a time and then she should either plan to be out of the house or at the very least have someone there with her to act as her support.
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  #30  
Old 02-01-2011, 06:49 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
Being that he doesn't live there anymore he shouldn't be able to come around unannounced. The locks should be changed if he has a key. If he needs to get his stuff he will have to arrange a time and then she should either plan to be out of the house or at the very least have someone there with her to act as her support.
yes, yes I have mentioned that... I dunno, she is still really in it and not getting that she can say no... she did tell him that she does not want to see him for 6 months when she will get in touch and they can up date. That was my suggestion... although I suggested a year.

Here is the link. I have no idea what is like... but...
http://nascentum.blogspot.com/
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