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  #31  
Old 02-08-2011, 06:06 AM
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Ithink, I love your post. Could you make paragraphs though please, it makes it hard to enjoy how you write when I can't see it. I have dyslexia... and besides its kinda what one does on a forum. appreciate it

I like what you say about respect and communication, but its important to note I think that these two things mean different things to different people. Getting a sense of how someone feels respected is super important. I feel respected when I know what is going on in my home, community and in my work life. I feel respected when I belong and when I don't know what is going on for others I don't feel I belong and therefore don't feel respected... the same thing might not be true for my partner and I might be telling them stuff that is not what they are interested in knowing and in fact is uncomfortable for them. This might make them feel disrespected.

Same token for communication. I have an extremely high communication level and practice different types of communication. I have taken courses, facilitated courses and it is a big passion of mine in terms of relationship dynamic. To another partner they might think that they are set if they just tell me they are experiencing NRE for someone... to me that isn't enough. Details; what happened, how do you feel, what is your intent, what do you need from me...? That is all part of it for me.

I have started and quickly ended, in a bunch of drama, a few relationships where neither respect nor communication was on par with me and the other person. We said "yes... important" at the beginning, but never discussed details of "how" "when" "why" ... all super important.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FlameKat View Post
As to the question... This is one I am having trouble comprehending myself... to me the act of physical intimacy (whether it be as mild as a caress to passionate kissing to intercourse) is a personal and private thing to the relationship... I have friends i hug and cuddle, and friends i kiss (although only lightly i.e. a peck)... while I can see the issue WW has with me becoming intimate in a deeper way with someone other than himself... I do NOT understand it...

From my perspective the intimacy in each relationship is sacred to that relationship and does not impinge at all on the other - I do not see how what I do with someone else impacts the sacredness of what I share with him...

**NOTING** I am a responsible person - so no assumptions of unsafe practises in responses to this please... truly just trying to understand the issue from the mono perspective
thank you flamekat. Please, please, if you ever figure this out, share with me... I totally feel the same. What I have with others is not included in my relationships with each of person I love. The love is the same from me, but the relationships are different. I am nurtured by my relationships. I adore closeness with people I trust and love. I too get the issue.... I was raised mono, I tried it out, bought it, sold it, swore I was able to be it for every relationship I had until I moved on or cheated. I just don't understand how to STAY mono. I begin to implode and explode at the same time with this kind of shit... Seriously.

Sorry for the hijack here. Back to your regular scheduled topic
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Last edited by redpepper; 02-08-2011 at 06:08 AM.
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  #32  
Old 02-08-2011, 05:57 PM
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First of all I would like to address dingedheart. Although it may feel like you are "under attack" or at least being brought to task for your views I would like to state here that I value your viewpoints greatly if for no other reason than it causes us all to stop and consider our own viewpoints. Then we all share our own particular viewpoints and sometimes a person can see an error in his own thinking. I know it has happened for me many times on this forum. That is what intelligent conversation is all about imho.

Secondly an apology to FP for my particular "writing style". Sometimes I become overwhelmed by my thought processes and in a rush to capture my thoughts before I lose them ( I suffer from Old-Timers...) I run roughshod over proper writing style. In the future I will endeavour to include proper punctuation and grammar although I cannot lie, there will be lapses.

Also your point about respect and communication meaning different things to different people is excellent and something I had not considered until now. Applause in north america is a sign of respect and enjoyment while applause in Russia is considered a sign or derision and dislike. At least that is my understanding.
Once again a very good thread in the Poly forum full of sharing, understanding and learning.
The day we stop learning is the day we start dying.
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  #33  
Old 02-09-2011, 01:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ithink View Post
Applause in north america is a sign of respect and enjoyment while applause in Russia is considered a sign or derision and dislike. At least that is my understanding.
Once again a very good thread in the Poly forum full of sharing, understanding and learning.
Nope, we also applaud for the same reasons as here hehehe


And I also do like this thread very much
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  #34  
Old 02-09-2011, 08:59 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Thanks Ithink for your comments.

I didn't feel under attack as much as misunderstood and I wasn't trying to insult anyone. It was frustrating to state reason for doing something that I've spent god knows how much time thinking about, ponder each scenario and possible out comes. Then to be told "well that's not it ... its your ego or whatever, etc..... ok great you spent 1 maybe 2 minutes thinking about this ya I must be wrong, I guess I'll go with what you think. And I dont mean you Ithink I mean who ever posted those types of comments.. This you think I think and your call sign ITHINK is starting to sound like some monte python bit.

I know I asked about other religions and sex ethic have you given it any thought???? I only have a limited base of knowledge on this topic. so jump in.

Myzka does that mean your Russian?

Thanks D
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  #35  
Old 02-10-2011, 05:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ithink View Post
[LEFT]Secondly an apology to FP for my particular "writing style". Sometimes I become overwhelmed by my thought processes and in a rush to capture my thoughts before I lose them ( I suffer from Old-Timers...) I run roughshod over proper writing style. In the future I will endeavour to include proper punctuation and grammar although I cannot lie, there will be lapses.
RP? Lapsed already huh?
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  #36  
Old 02-11-2011, 05:08 AM
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Quote:
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RP? Lapsed already huh?
ROFLMAO...oh geeze...busted. Yup..put brain in gear BEFORE engaging fingers...OR MOUTH! My humblest apologies Redpepper.
Were I there in person I would go down on one knee and offer you a single red rose and a kiss on the back of your hand.
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  #37  
Old 02-11-2011, 05:17 AM
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After being raised Anglican (think Catholic only with harder pews) and witnessing what I have in my lifetime I am most definitely NOT religious and in fact blame organized religion for MOST of the worlds ills. I see nothing wrong with being spiritual in whatever fashion suits you as a person but the mainstream organized religions have no place in my world. They are the root of all evil in my opinion. I identify very strongly with John Lennon's words in Imagine. I apologize in advance if I have offended anyone but that is my opinion and it isn't about to change anytime soon.

I encourage you to continue to dialogue with people here on the forum DH and admire you for keeping a level head throughout this long and complicated thread. There are lots who couldn't have managed it.
IThink.

Monty Python...rofl. NEET NEET NEET NEET......

Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
Thanks Ithink for your comments.

I didn't feel under attack as much as misunderstood and I wasn't trying to insult anyone. It was frustrating to state reason for doing something that I've spent god knows how much time thinking about, ponder each scenario and possible out comes. Then to be told "well that's not it ... its your ego or whatever, etc..... ok great you spent 1 maybe 2 minutes thinking about this ya I must be wrong, I guess I'll go with what you think. And I dont mean you Ithink I mean who ever posted those types of comments.. This you think I think and your call sign ITHINK is starting to sound like some monte python bit.

I know I asked about other religions and sex ethic have you given it any thought???? I only have a limited base of knowledge on this topic. so jump in.

Myzka does that mean your Russian?

Thanks D
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  #38  
Old 02-11-2011, 05:24 AM
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Myzka,
I stand corrected and I assure you I will hunt down the cad that misinformed me and punish her severely. I must be more diligent in proving the information provided to me by my friends and the media.
Are you still residing in Russia? I am trying to convince my wife to vacation there instead of an all inclusive resort in Mexico. I would love to ask you a thousand questions about Russia and vacationing there but I am afraid we would hijack the original posters thread. Take care.
IThink.

Quote:
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Nope, we also applaud for the same reasons as here hehehe


And I also do like this thread very much
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  #39  
Old 02-11-2011, 06:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ithink View Post


ROFLMAO...oh geeze...busted. Yup..put brain in gear BEFORE engaging fingers...OR MOUTH! My humblest apologies Redpepper.
Were I there in person I would go down on one knee and offer you a single red rose and a kiss on the back of your hand.
IThink.
Oh myyyy, how'd you know I was a sucker for that kind of thing it's that kinda thing that gets me into trouble! Bad man! *slaps hand* *takes rose*

(Ahem... sorry to get off track here DH...)
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  #40  
Old 02-11-2011, 09:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
Does your partner have a partner? If so, what are some of your rules/boundaries. Your intimate relationship don't impinge on each other because???? I think the reason for the rules/ boundaries is for the inpingement factor. Lots of folks talk about not being to affectionate in front of partners... well that might be considered an inpingement to your free and full expression of love. Said expression may make one or both partners extremely uncomfortable, so as to not have melt downs or hard feels or the like. The premise of this whole topic was /is perhaps flawed.

You said you see the issue but don't understand... what do you see as the issue? Or more importantly what is the issue as he knows it.
Hi dingedheart, apologies for the delay in response... its been a little busy over here with floods and cyclones...
I am under a LOT of stress, and suffer from speech/language dysphasia (I mention this as the sheer amount of stress I am under right now is causing the dysphasia to display even in my written word - something that is VERY unusual for me, and something I am struggling to adjust to... please forgive anything that doesn't connect and simply direct my attention to it so I may rephrase, as I will be unaware of it)

I am the poly one in our relationship. I do not have another partner, and may never have another partner. I was speaking from the way I feel in my heart, and the way I process things myself. Certainly I understand the need for rules/boundaries when talking about behaviour in public... particularly in the mono oriented world we live in. Everyone has their own personal limits on what they are comfortable doing and/or seeing around them.

The issue I was getting at is hard for me to put into words... as I do not understand it - I get it, but can't process it

um... WW has a great difficulty with merely the concept of me being intimate (at any degree - cuddling/kissing... to the point that the mere thought of me hugging T (the man I fell in love with) for one second longer than I would hug another friend would make him sick to his stomach) with another person (male or female), in particular - lovemaking, as that act is sacred to him... he will share that act with myself only and expects the same in return.

He does not understand that what I share with him is just as sacred to me, that I CANNOT share that with someone else because that sacredness is rooted in the love that he and I share... just as the sacredness of that act with another would have nothing whatsoever to do with him - it would be sacred to the relationship I had with that other...

For me - I see this as interposing his own actions/ideals/motives onto me and expecting me to behave as he would - if/when I do not then he is hurt and disappointed, and then interposes his own views of WHY I would do such a thing - again interposing his own reasons...

I find that it restricts me in expressing myself, whether to him or others... as I feel I have to rein in my feelings and my expressions of them to avoid hurting him. This is how I feel when the other person I love has walked out of our lives, and is not there to complicate things further - I still feel restricted as I feel I cannot express my grief too openly just as I would be unable to express my love openly... I find that the restrictions I am feeling have had the effect of restricting me emotionally as a whole - my spirit is dampened somewhat...

It all seems to come down to each person allowing the other person to be themselves completely... and taking responsibility for their own feelings, of course also checking in with each other - where is the love and support if that does not happen?

Hmmm.... I have a feeling I meandered off course a fair bit... hopefully the answer you were looking for is in there somewhere... again I apologise if my communication is somewhat lacking at the moment... hopefully (*crossing fingers*) we will have a few weeks of clear weather and some peace and quiet for a bit and I can get back to normal
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