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  #51  
Old 11-02-2013, 09:48 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Show her this thread. E-mail it to her or print a copy and ask her to read it. Highlight your words. Hard to deny what is written in black and white. I am not the best at verbally expressing myself, but I can write out what I am feeling and get the point across.
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  #52  
Old 11-02-2013, 09:50 PM
polywannacrackeryo polywannacrackeryo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crackedpleasures View Post
Have you had this conversation, in these exact words, with her yet?
I've told her that my feelings have grown even more intense than they were in the beginning, and that even though I've tried, I don't feel like dating anyone else right now. I told her that I sometimes look at her and husband, and wish that I could have what they have. She knows I'm in the process of mourning the loss of everything we can never be, and learning to embrace the things we can be. She knows that I would marry her if I could.

The only thing I've not yet mentioned is that I feel I love her more than she loves me.
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  #53  
Old 11-02-2013, 09:58 PM
crackedpleasures crackedpleasures is offline
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I meant more like this stuff, and in these words:

Quote:
Originally Posted by polywannacrackeryo View Post
I'll pour my heart into telling her something, and she'll answer back with a one-liner...
...she'll leave without the type of goodbye I prefer: one with a kiss, or hug, or something...
...it would be nice to feel loved, needed, or even just appreciated. I can only think of one occasion in the past two months when she's grabbed me, hugged me, and kissed me passionately while he was here... I just wanted to still feel important when he was around.
...I spend a lot of money on her... yet that expression of love is never returned.
...When we got to the movies, she was in line ahead of me and went to the window. I thought she was buying two tickets... she only bought one for herself.
...all of these little things that add up to my assumption that I'm not as important to her as she is to me.
...I feel our love is unbalanced
...I can't be in a relationship with someone who never talks about their feelings with me.
...it doesn't feel like she needs me anymore.
Those things at least seem to present problems AND ways to resolve them. It sucks that you are in pain right now and I know I'm probably more analytical than most people prefer but sometimes people state things less concretely than they think they are. She may turn around and say "hey look, I can't/won't do those things any more". Then you'll know. She may say "Wow. I didn't know x was that big a concern. That's an issue. Let's fix it." I hope it goes that way.
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Last edited by crackedpleasures; 11-02-2013 at 10:01 PM.
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  #54  
Old 11-02-2013, 10:02 PM
polywannacrackeryo polywannacrackeryo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crackedpleasures View Post
I meant more like this stuff, and in these words:
I'll pour my heart into telling her something, and she'll answer back with a one-liner...
...she'll leave without the type of goodbye I prefer: one with a kiss, or hug, or something...
...it would be nice to feel loved, needed, or even just appreciated. I can only think of one occasion in the past two months when she's grabbed me, hugged me, and kissed me passionately while he was here... I just wanted to still feel important when he was around.
...I spend a lot of money on her... yet that expression of love is never returned.
...When we got to the movies, she was in line ahead of me and went to the window. I thought she was buying two tickets... she only bought one for herself.
...all of these little things that add up to my assumption that I'm not as important to her as she is to me.
...I feel our love is unbalanced
...I can't be in a relationship with someone who never talks about their feelings with me.
...it doesn't feel like she needs me anymore.
Ah... well, no I haven't. I think there are two reasons why. First, I'm only beginning to hash this out, and this thread has helped me significantly over the past couple of days. Secondly, I already feel needy because of how much I have to talk about my feelings. I fear this will really make me seem co-dependent. How can I say these things in a non-needy way?
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  #55  
Old 11-02-2013, 10:07 PM
crackedpleasures crackedpleasures is offline
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Maybe you can't. Maybe you're needy. Maybe that's ok. (It certainly should be if that's who you are. And, if it is, and she can't satisfy that, then she can't but You have to figure that out and come to terms with that). I personally do not find it helpful to schedule "let's talk" conversations but maybe you would? I do like to have my ducks in a row then get it out ASAP. I usually start with something like "This may sound like a lot" or "I feel the need to be extremely honest right now" and if it's going to be long, a warning is good. But it really depends on who your partner is and/or which one you are talking to.
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  #56  
Old 11-02-2013, 10:12 PM
polywannacrackeryo polywannacrackeryo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crackedpleasures View Post
Maybe you can't. Maybe you're needy. Maybe that's ok.
Thanks. Haha! Maybe I am. I think perhaps my biggest reservation about bringing it up right now is that I know they're both going through a lot of stress right now. Between his job situation, her missing him, her wanting to be pregnant... it's a lot. And I don't want to seem insensitive by talking about me me me. Does that make sense?
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  #57  
Old 11-02-2013, 10:14 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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I went back and read your previous posts. I see why you are insecure and questioning your position and relevance in her life. Are you still in the closet and your girlfriend's secret?
__________________
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our four children.
Closed.

My Blog
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  #58  
Old 11-02-2013, 10:15 PM
polywannacrackeryo polywannacrackeryo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
I went back and read your previous posts. I see why you are insecure and questioning your position and relevance in her life. Are you still in the closet and your girlfriend's secret?
Yes. I'm out as a lesbian, but none of us are out as poly. Unfortunately, it will have to stay that way.
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  #59  
Old 11-02-2013, 10:18 PM
crackedpleasures crackedpleasures is offline
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It makes sense but it doesn't make your feelings less valid or less necessary to address.

Also, have a I read something wrong? Are you your gf's secret as in "a secret from her husband?"
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  #60  
Old 11-02-2013, 10:20 PM
polywannacrackeryo polywannacrackeryo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crackedpleasures View Post
Also, have a I read something wrong? Are you your gf's secret as in "a secret from her husband?"
Oh no no! Not at all. It was her husband's idea for us to sleep together in the first place. And he is well aware of our emotional connection. We've had plenty of discussions about it, and he knows we are dating.
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