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  #21  
Old 02-02-2011, 05:56 AM
dragonflysky dragonflysky is offline
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Well then....let those who like "short and candied posts" read the short and candied ones! I'm rather fond of in-depth posts, and as far as I know a vote hasn't been taken to determine what "most" prefer??
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  #22  
Old 02-02-2011, 07:29 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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What the fuck is a candied post?
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  #23  
Old 02-02-2011, 07:43 AM
Bricklie Bricklie is offline
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Because the man I adore and I don't actually have sex, I have a semi-regular thing with a friend, "TL."

He's someone I've respected for a long time, for his music and general social charms.
So *1. Respect, in as many forms as it can be felt.

However, we have absolutely different tastes in everything that actually matters, particularly humor, and not in a sweet "opposites attract" way.
*2. Open acknowledgement of the fact that y'all shouldn't be in a "real" relationship. This one's tricky, and it's where I think friends of mine have gotten heartbroken; has to be an idea that occurred to both parties independently. I know we'd just hurt each other if we tried to mesh. This might be tougher if this person is a close friend of yours. I have to have more distance than that for it to work as an ongoing delight.

*3. Admitting you care about their wellbeing is always good; no body wants to be thought of as a dispose-after-sexing tissue. But as far as feelings of attachment are concerned, I've always found it's best to keep those close to the vest until you're absolutely sure what you feel. I think bodies often want to fool us into thinking someone we're frequently co-bed-itating with are/should be an integral part of the den. That's sometimes true, but not always.

All my relationships, aside from my oh-gosh-current, have been defined as time limited, at least on my part. Somehow, never found talking about that point to be conducive to the relationship's continuation. I think it's about keeping careful tabs on how you're feeling about each other, and the confidence that understanding gives.
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  #24  
Old 02-02-2011, 07:46 AM
Bricklie Bricklie is offline
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short and sweet?
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  #25  
Old 02-02-2011, 03:31 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I never see friendship as something to be called "mere."
I don't either. I don't have many friends, all of my lovers have been friends first (it's how I roll). I put the mere in quotes to indicate that the sex part was over, not to denigrate or downplay friendship.
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  #26  
Old 02-02-2011, 04:35 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I never see friendship as something to be called "mere."
I agree. Considering how rarely I had out the term friend. It holds as deep a meaning as gf or fwb.

It just holds meaning in a different way.
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  #27  
Old 02-02-2011, 04:43 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
hmmmm..I understand you see the FWB ending in mere friendship. But why does that have to end, or is it just in this case?

An FWB...can be something truly intimate and long term. Its range is pretty massive and its meaning can be pretty vague.

...

As for handling term limited relationships. Well, in my experience. I suck at them. I have a hard time entering into relationships when I can see an end. I end up focusing too much on the end and not having fun. In my case, I can learn,..I have before and I am not, but I am not sure I would care to enter into a term limited relationship.
Well, while I am fairly sure that this particular FWB has an 'end date', it is true that something could change. Also, I have no idea how long this will last - nor any preconceptions on how long. I can see it lasting years or ending relatively soon.

And I am fairly positive that SW and I will still be friends after sexy fun time is over. We have other things in common, mutual friends, overlapping communities, etc.

I am interested in your last comments about finding term limited relationships difficult because you end up focusing on the end and not on the present. I find myself slipping into this - part of my difficulties in remaining present in the moment. It's reassuring that others have experienced this too.
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