Being by yourself

[Mark1npt]

I've known some really needy mono folk in my day, and some very aloof.........then again, I'm the poly one here and have been very comfortable being a loner type of guy my whole life. I have no issue at all with being off alone on vacation by myself or sitting quietly by the lake for days at a time. Alas, as I've entered this poly phase of my life, I've found that I've changed and really seem to need or crave to be around one or both of my loves, just to share the mundane experiences of everyday life. Could it be we all, mono or poly, just waver and vary thruoughout our lives as to what we like or what we do? It's probably just another part of the human condition......doesn't necessarily affect any group more or less?

[Rarechild]

Originally Posted by Barry

There has been a tremendous amount of research done on individual personalities and how each personality type processes and perceives his or her world. Kiersey developed a method to define specific personalities and Myers-Briggs added their own spin to the process.

Barry

My employer paid for our whole crew to be tested with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator about two years ago- I am an ENFJ- it was fascinating!

I was working at a metal art gallery & school, so the crew was a bunch of artists, and moreover blacksmiths, who in my experience tend to be excellent folks, but a little rough around the edges.

We all got to see each other's profiles and discuss what they meant to our positions within the team, and figure out how we might function better. We all felt the outcomes were eerily accurate, so I vote yes for this test- I periodically dig out my folder and look at it when I am delving into a new project or situation- thanks for mentioning it- I will be looking it over again today, thinking about it in the context of poly!

As to the alone time/social time question, I find myself working in cycles throughout the week. I need a few days in the week to write/do artwork/read, just be generally undisturbed, but then cluster lots of social activity into the other days of the week. I feel just as comfortable doing both, I just have to allow for both. I am quite the butterfly when I'm out, or in class, but when I'm spending time alone- as my husband has come to respect- I really need to be alone.

One of the things that is most precious to me about being alone is that I don't have to get dressed, do my hair and face, etc., don't have to have outside stimulus or talk to anyone. I just sort of bask in myself, and I love it.

On the other hand, I truly enjoy spending one-on-one time with friends and family as well as being a part of a big, rollicking group, getting lots of hugs and affection, laughing, dancing, adventuring with others.

It's a balance for me, and I just have to value that and make time for both.

[Barry]

Originally Posted by Rarechild

My employer paid for our whole crew to be tested with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator about two years ago- I am an ENFJ- it was fascinating!

As to the alone time/social time question, I find myself working in cycles throughout the week. I need a few days in the week to write/do artwork/read, just be generally undisturbed, but then cluster lots of social activity into the other days of the week. I feel just as comfortable doing both, I just have to allow for both. I am quite the butterfly when I'm out, or in class, but when I'm spending time alone- as my husband has come to respect- I really need to be alone.

One of the things that is most precious to me about being alone is that I don't have to get dressed, do my hair and face, etc., don't have to have outside stimulus or talk to anyone. I just sort of bask in myself, and I love it.

Hi Rarechild,

My daughter is an ENFJ, and without a doubt my best friend. We tend to shift in the percentages of each letter designation as we move through life, but I have remained an INFJ. The first opportunity I had to take the Myers-Briggs I was a young counselor and so high on the introvert scale that I actually had to think long and hard about taking the test. I'm very protective about the NFJ part of me. I'm not nearly as high on the Introvert scale now, and believe it or not own and manage a business of thirty five employees. And true to my nature I respect each person for the individual that they are. Without effort I know when something is going on with the folks that work for me, and they trust me to talk about it. I guess my point is that we are not limited by who we are as long as we recognize and embrace our strengths. I fought myself for years thinking I was weak because I feel the pain that is in this world. I embrace that part of myself now and in truth am loved for it. Have you ever looked at the "famous" people that are ENFJ's? You run in some pretty impressive company.

Barry