Being by yourself

[Mark1npt]

Jeez, it sure seems like we're all quite a mish-mash of social or not! Makes you think there really is no norm, just a whole lot of gray, doesn't it? Good question, YGirl.

[aussielover]

I'm both too... but more needing to be around people. For me, I think it has EVERYTHING to do with WHO it is. My ex, even when things were ok, I needed alone time to think and just be. I much prefer small groups to large ones. Small gathering of friends at home is much better to me than going out to a crowded bar or club.

Right now, I'm feeling so lonely. Missing my family so much my heart aches and I think it will be a very long time until I really NEED alone time (possibly just a bit to really sort through all the huge changes I've made lately). But I know very rarely do I actually instigate alone time when it comes to SG and AB. I hate to leave when I know they're there, which makes going to bed extreemly difficult, as I know they're still up for hours. Right now it's so hard, most of my time is spent alone except for talking to them online.... which isn't as good as being there... obviously. Still I'm physically alone.

Sorry, now I'm sad. I just miss them so much *sigh* Soon I'll be home, but right now this stupid transition period is the hardest time of my life.

[Sunshinegrl]

(((hugs))) My Love.. It wont be long and you will be home... and then In this crazy house your never alone! :P

I hate saying good night too. Damn Time zones.

[Barry]

Originally Posted by YGirl

Myself, I prefer to be alone as opposed to keeping up the kind of energy required in social situations. I used to think I was a people-person but trying to live up to that image was very stressful. When I let go of that and acknowledged my anti-social disposition, I felt really relieved. My husband (and also my "other guy" who I don't see now) thinks I'm a high-functioning autistic / Asperger's, but I have not sought a professional opinion about this yet. The internet gives me a level of interaction that I can tolerate and remain in touch with people. It's not so much PEOPLE that I mind, just having them around constantly is kind of irksome to me.

I would venture to say you are neither autistic or have Asperger's syndrome. I have a lot to say about this topic but for the sake of bandwidth and respect for others I am going to "try" and give you enough information that will enable you to discover that you are you, and that is "normal." There are ways that each of us process the world around us. Those ways are dependent on who we are, and that to a large degree is shaped by innate traits or characteristics that we have from birth. It is why some people are artists, some scientists, some public speakers. True, you can step outside of those traits with effort. As you experienced that can be draining because what you are doing is going against your natural born strengths. You, and you alone would have to determine if there would be acceptable reward for going against your own personality. There has been a tremendous amount of research done on individual personalities and how each personality type processes and perceives his or her world. Kiersey developed a method to define specific personalities and Myers-Briggs added their own spin to the process. There is a test which asks a series of questions that help define who you are. It is accurate and easy to take. Once you realize your personality type then there is loads of info out there about how your specific type of personality typically lives. My guess is that you are an "I" type personality. There are several variations in this category. Google INFJ and you will get a sense of what I am talking about. The "I" personality requires alone time to regroup. It is an essential part to renewing yourself. Typically "I" personality types are thinkers heavily influenced by their feelings. The only "bad" part to this type of personality is that being unaware most people in this category suspect that there is a flaw in their character, or a weakness. It is not unusual for them to actively try and suppress the very parts of them that make them strong. In addition to very detailed descriptions of each personality type there are also references to well known people that share these same character traits. Calvin Coolidge was an INFJ. He did not socializing and did not like giving into superficial conversation, yet he became the President of the United States. He was affectionately known as "silent Cal." At one particular dinner that was held for diplomats he overheard someone say, "I bet I can make him say more than three words." His reply was, "you lose." :-) What I'm saying is don't be so quick to think the worst of yourself. If you would like I will be glad to direct you to some places where you can do your own personal research. I hope this sparked some interest.

Barry

[River]

Good words, Barry!

I especially appreciate the Keirsey Temperament Sorter. I tested as a INFP (Healer) years ago, and probably continue to be an INFP, even though I am slowly transitioning into an "ambivert" from my familiar introvert status.

http://www.keirsey.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extrave...d_introversion

I become more introverted when I feel more socially insecure and move toward ambiversion when I'm feeling more self-confidence and higher levels of self esteem -- which fluctuates, for me.

Lately, I'm back to my more introverted ways. But I expect to be more ambiverted in the future -- and hope to be!

[NeonKaos]

Gee Barry, thanks for all the free advice. I can finally move on with my life.

[Mark1npt]

You been served, YGirl!

[River]

Free?

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by YGirl

Who (besides RedPepper) is poly because they can't stand being alone? Who likes being alone despite the fact that they can be in love with more than one person at a time? What are people's thoughts about this?

Ah, does that mean I don't get to reply? I will anyway!

I seem to be the center of attention in larger groups as I am a talker and self assured (in case you hadn't noticed ). I have seemingly odels of self confidence, but really there are a few things that will make me shrink back in self doubt.... these being if someone ignores me or doesn't laugh at my jokes.... I come from a family that ignored me and told me I over react and never laughed at my jokes. I thought I didn't have a sense of humour for years!

Now I work at a job that keeps me in the middle of the group always and I love to come home to feel the same way. I feel safe, happy and content when everyone is doing something merrily around me and chit chatting away happily. I LOVE it when Mono is over and we are all together. I would love for him and us to live together and have that all the time, but it is a selfish thing and I know that neither him or my husband want that right now. So I wait and see what happens.

At times I need to be alone, especially now as I have identified my abandonment issues recently, with Mono's help. I exercise alone, paint alone and stay up late on the internet alone.... I think those are the only times really. I would ideally like to live in a house with my own room so I can practice being alone as it really is a life long goal of mine. Eventually I want to get to the point where I can go away into the woods somewhere and spend the night alone......!!!! ahhhhhh, terrifying!!!! ahhhh ..... definitely no where near ready to do that... just the thought!

[DestinyWaits]

I can admit to being ok in any situation because the way I see things is LIVE IT UP!!! Thank you Meemaw!!! My grandmother is a woman who takes charge of any and all situations and she instilled the same thing in me. I can be alright in any situation and am often called upon to do so as my job requires me to be in large groups on a regular basis but I do feel more comfortable just being at home with my men (my husband and my 2 sons) this is where I am happiest. I do also like my alone time with just a book in hand but I do need my time with other people around and just hearing all the hustle and bustle which is the complete opposite of my hubby who could survive in a world without anyone else outside of our house, silly man. Maybe this is why we are so good together, we counteract each other's personalities and level things out.