What is romance/romantic?

[vandalin]

I was going to post this in answer to the poly decision/nature thread but as that one already went slightly off topic I figured I'd start a new thread.

...But this also leads to the question of "What is romance/romantic?"

My husband is self-admittedly horribly non-romantic. He will have little bursts of romantic attempts, which I love, but I wish they would come a little more frequently. lol But he doesn't know what or how to be romantic he says. So, what is romance and romantic and how does one learn or become romantic?

[River]

I think one can be exceptionally loving, and a great partner and lover, and not be terribly "romantic" in the Hollywood sensibility of the term.

And I suppose there's a lot of overlap between these two, whatever they are.

The "hollywood version" (shorthand, here) is ... you know, lots of candlelight dinners with stemmed wineglasses, with extra points for a burning log in the fireplace and "romantic" music (another topic!)..., lots of love letters, poems..., ???!?

And then there's the day-to-day lovingness... a kiss hello and goodby, and/or a hug, the saying of the words "I love you"..., and actually showing that you're/they're loved with various voluntary gestures -- simple gifts, offering a shoulder or foot massage... listening to the other with interest and speaking from the heart..., basic kindness and warmth.

I like a little "romance" of the "Hollywood" sort now and then, but the bread and butter is the more everyday, "mundane" life out of Hollywood.

I'd love to hear other folks thoughts on all of this, of course, as I'm not convinced I'm that much of a "romantic" these days, myself. Maybe I am and don't even know it?

[vandalin]

And then there's the day-to-day lovingness... a kiss hello and goodby, and/or a hug, the saying of the words "I love you"..., and actually showing that you're/they're loved with various voluntary gestures -- simple gifts, offering a shoulder or foot massage... listening to the other with interest and speaking from the heart..., basic kindness and warmth.

I'm all for the everyday lovingness, except when it becomes routine (which it kinda has). Some of those things, the I love you's and stuff, become almost expected after awhile. Maybe a little spontenaity would be helpful.