Originally Posted by TL4everu2
To add to this, a LOT of poly folks, also think that they are "swingers". My wife and I did for the longest time. Then we found the word for it.
I really feel the gay analogy, like there has always been something wrong with me that I couldn't be monogamous despite great love and commitment in all other aspects besides sexual exclusivity, and now I have come out as who I really am, and I'm not not okay for being this way.
As far as the term "swingers" I don't care for it or for what it is, mainly because of the movie Bruno (NOT a flattering light), the idea that it is supposed to be casual sex without emotional attachment, and the idea that only women can do homosexual acts in the swinger culture. Polyamory or polyfidelity feels more like home.
One last thought that I have been kicking around, and I think it is discussed in the book "The Monogamy Myth" and stemming from the idea that any relationships I form or do not form in the future are going to be on the up-and-up with my husband; I think that honesty will change those relationships. First, I will not participate in someone cheating on their SO in a purportedly mono relationship, so that will change things, and second, I think the relationships themselves will be different when conducted in the context of honesty. There needs to be a word, like the Hawthorne effect - I guess I propose that a relationship developed covertly suffers from Covert Relationship New Relationship Energy or CRNRE (involves all the intensity of NRE but with guilt, stress, shame, and secrecy) and a relationship developed in honesty with one's existing SO will not have those specific added elements. It will be interesting to see how and what develops.