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  #11  
Old 10-11-2013, 08:04 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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I would rather not get involved with other people's business however if my BFF was involved with a liar she would bloomin well know about it.

Edited to add: If I ever heard that a good friend with held that sort of information from me because 'It wasn't (her) business" She would lose a friend.

Last edited by Natja; 10-11-2013 at 08:10 PM.
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  #12  
Old 10-11-2013, 08:07 PM
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Originally Posted by AlbertaBea View Post
I might just mention it to my boyfriend, who has a bromance with Tim. He'll probably be more comfortable breaching the subject.
I dig that you want to make the realization of this possible new info as painless as possible for Tim. However, I'm of the opinion that if you decide to involve yourself in this drama at all, you should own it.

Personally I'd discourage you from putting it off and certainly from furthering the propagation of this apparent rumor mill. If you decide he should know, I say you call him right now and just clear the air. Leave out your assumptions and opinions and just tell him "Hey, I know you are really excited about this new gal but I heard _this_ from _so and so_, is that bullshit? I just didn't want you getting caught in a storm if it *isn't* bullshit".
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  #13  
Old 10-11-2013, 08:11 PM
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Originally Posted by AlbertaBea View Post
I feel like you've never cared about someone enough to want what's best for them.
You're really not helping yourself here AB.

Just because you don't personally agree with an opinion doesn't make it invalid, nor does it make it inappropriate or incorrect.
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  #14  
Old 10-11-2013, 08:14 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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You're running the risk as being seen as a jealous ex.

Why not confront Erika with the info.. Your friend could be wrong and you could be passing along false info.
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  #15  
Old 10-11-2013, 08:23 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post

Why not confront Erika with the info.. Your friend could be wrong and you could be passing along false info.
Now you see that would seem like creating drama to me because were I Erika I would tell you to sod right off, who are you to question me? I don't know you?

Fact is Erika doesn't owe the OP an explanation. Erika does owe her partners one though and it is he who should be confronting her if anyone.
The OPs loyalty is to her friend, if she tells him bluntly and plainly without emotion or embellishment than I don't see why she would be seen as jealous?
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  #16  
Old 10-11-2013, 08:25 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I would invite the two of them to coffee/dinner etc.
I would throw it on the table that I was hearing rumors that there was some lying going on the in their dynamic-I wasn't comfortable with it because I didn't want to hold either of them responsible for something that wasn't true.
Then I would point blank say "So and so told me that Erika you are seeing Ned and (Ted? I can't keep these names straight sorry) you made it clear to me that you believe the two of you are monogamous.
So I felt it was best for ME if I got you two together to clear it up so that I don't get dragged into the middle position of "keeping secrets" for one person from the other or believing bad things about one of you that are incorrect.

Then shut the fuck up and take a drink of your coffee. Let them go from there.
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  #17  
Old 10-11-2013, 08:46 PM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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I learned the hard way to butt out. I lost a very good friend. When shit hits the fan, you are the one who's going to take the heat. The term "dont kill the messenger" came from somewhere.
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  #18  
Old 10-11-2013, 09:05 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inyourendo View Post
I learned the hard way to butt out. I lost a very good friend. When shit hits the fan, you are the one who's going to take the heat. The term "dont kill the messenger" came from somewhere.
Oh yes, I can understand that too, I have had friends who would rather cut you out than believe you, I know exactly who they are, it really depends on the intimacy of their relationship and no one is in a better place to know that than the OP.
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  #19  
Old 10-11-2013, 09:12 PM
westVan westVan is offline
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Before doing anything I would advise you to check your motives.
Not saying your wrong or right, just make sure you really check what your motives are for doing whatever you choose to do.
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  #20  
Old 10-11-2013, 09:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Natja View Post
it really depends on the intimacy of their relationship and no one is in a better place to know that than the OP.
This is a valuable addition to the conversation, Natja.

There is also a difference between relaying a concern and trying to convince someone of a point of view. In my world, I would just say it and not interject myself personally. There is a big difference in my reporting the details of what I have been told and making a persuasive argument that "that girl is trash and you need to dump her".

All of this is, of course, assuming I actually know this friend intimately and have some reasonable expectation that they aren't going to freak out and excommunicate me from their life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by westVan View Post
Before doing anything I would advise you to check your motives.
Very astute. /not sarcasm
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