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  #11  
Old 10-08-2013, 08:42 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Originally Posted by Belle View Post
" So sure, they're out there but they are rare and not necessarily all looking out for the best interests of the children.
.
I'm sorry you have such little positive exposure to good men, I know loads of great quality men that would do just the thing that seems to have shocked you. So many so that I was shocked when I heard someone express otherwise. I don't know, perhaps it is a cultural thing but...wow, I am sorry.
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  #12  
Old 10-08-2013, 08:52 PM
london london is offline
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This is more common than you think, they are commonly termed "Jackets" as in " wearing someone else's jacket". I don't see why his friend's opinions has anything to do with it. The friend you are talking about would probably be in the same squalor if they were his biological children. I'm not sure how him sticking around as a parental figure means he isn't looking out for their best interests either.

If you want to adopt the baby, you could still say that you are being a surrogate for someone. That would probably go down more favourably than adoption in most circles. I definitely don't disagree with you deciding that you cannot raise another child, I just think that the biological father should get a say in whether he wants to raise his child. From what it sounds like, he doesn't think he is up to that responsibility to he probably won't contest you adopting the baby, regardless of whether he would prefer you not to. That would cost him lots of money too - he's have to get a court order to prove he was the biological father and then prove he was fit to raise the baby (because obviously you would be saying that he isn't) and with his situation, that doesn't sound achievable. I'd do what is best for you, and then best for the baby should you decide to continue the pregnancy.
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  #13  
Old 10-08-2013, 09:02 PM
Belle Belle is offline
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confused:
Mutually incredulous. Regardless, irrelevant. I'm understanding of his feelings and that's what's important. I'd probably divorce him if he put us in a situation of paying child support so I agree it's possibly cultural.
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  #14  
Old 10-08-2013, 11:10 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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But you (nor him) would have control over someone else's body, so are you saying thst if your husband was in the same position as your ex boyfriend and your metamour decided to keep the baby and your husband needed to pay child support you would divorce him? Not sure which culture tht is to be honest?
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  #15  
Old 10-08-2013, 11:22 PM
Belle Belle is offline
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But you (nor him) would have control over someone else's body, so are you saying thst if your husband was in the same position as your ex boyfriend and your metamour decided to keep the baby and your husband needed to pay child support you would divorce him? Not sure which culture tht is to be honest?
I would find it very difficult to be mature in that situation. The idea of taking from my babies to support hers would make me sick. To me, men provide a worm and mothers have more inherant rights. And I'm done arguing hypothetical scenarios. I'm not in the mood, I hope you understand.

Belle
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  #16  
Old 10-08-2013, 11:48 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Of course that is totally understandable. I hope you reach a conclusion that you can all make peace with.
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  #17  
Old 10-09-2013, 04:02 AM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Strictly on the issue of school--I finished my BA, at age 20, while pregnant. I started my Masters while pregnant with another child. I finished two years later, with my class, on time, while pregnant with another. Pregnancy and children need not interfere with school. (In fact, that's only the tip of the ice berg, but the rest is not for a public stop on the information super highway. PM me if you want to know the rest.)

Abortion often permanently alter relationships, and can't be undone. I, like many women, however, have found that what seemed like the greatest crisis, and undoable, turns out to be the greatest blessing and source of joy. Things have a way of coming together. I say this having been in some very difficult situations while pregnant.

You've canceled two appointments already. Your heart is telling you something.
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  #18  
Old 10-09-2013, 06:17 AM
london london is offline
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It wouldn't be "her" babies, it would be "their" babies. Your husband would be spreading his resources to ensure all his kids were looked after. I understand that you are in a difficult situation right now, but just be honest: you and your husband don't want to raise kids who were conceived by anyone else but both of you. That's fine. Lots of people feel the same. But saying "her" kids and "your" kids when both sets of kids would be your husband's just makes you look really unfavourable.
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  #19  
Old 10-09-2013, 10:10 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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for journalism class, how bout giving the one OP a break so that she can decide whether or not she is going to have her baby

otherwise I am going to get angry,

...Mr. McGee, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry...
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  #20  
Old 10-09-2013, 10:17 AM
london london is offline
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Feel free to get angry at me if you like, but I stand by what I said. It's totally up the the OP how she wishes this pregnancy to proceed, the law and basic ethics supports her in that but the fact remains that every child who is born has two biological parents who are legally, morally and ethically obligated to care for them unless they formally terminate those rights.
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