Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 01-24-2011, 06:41 AM
room4onemore room4onemore is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: new jersey (shore area)
Posts: 7
Question New and looking for all kinds of advice!

Hi - this is only our second post here (our first was under the introductions)...

We're a married couple that is looking to add a female partner to our relationship (we're pretty sure what we're seeking is a triad if we've got the terminology down). We've been swinging for a few years, so we know we don't have jealousy issues, at least on a physical level. We've talked about this for a few months and are pretty confident that we also won't have emotional jealousy issues, either.

There are a ton of questions that we've been trying to come up with answers to, and thought maybe people who are experienced could shed some light. Here are a few that stand out:

- does a third feel like an outsider to a long-established couple?
- what kind of living arrangements do triads typically make?
- do people live in secret or openly? If you have 'come out' as poly, how does it impact your kids socially (especially teenagers)?
- where are the best places to meet potential partners (we've looked at a few poly sites but not in depth)?

We understand that each situation can be unique, so we're only looking for some feedback to work with on a general basis. If anyone has anything to offer on the above, it will be greatly appreciated...thanks!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 01-24-2011, 07:05 AM
lovinhimloviner lovinhimloviner is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 104
Default

We were the same way when we had our first relationship with a long time friend. She stayed with us and slept in our bed with us. We were all sexual together and her and H were on their own as well. Although it didn't last long because we got a call one day, it was a guy asking to talk to her said he was her boy friend. It wasn't that she wanted to date someone it was that she kept it a secret from us. While it was good it was GREAT! We thought that it was something we would like to do again someday. Then my husband fell in love with someone who is clearly mono. We talked about the what if's. What if they decide they couldn't live with out each other, what would we do then? Ideally we would like for her to move in and have her own room. Something else you need to consider is what if the person you find wants to have kids? It is important to try to think of all of the possible problems you might run into. That way when you come up against it you will not be so floored and unprepared. Other might not agree with me. They might just say play it by ear and that is fine for some. For me, I have to be a little prepared. It makes me feel a little more in control of my life. I feel the need to talk about all of the different things that we might want or need in the future as well. I hope my rant helps some.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 01-24-2011, 04:31 PM
Senga's Avatar
Senga Senga is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Buffalo NY, willing to relocate
Posts: 99
Default

We are looking for similar things. We had a V relationship before and we kept it personal and were vague about it (referred each other as roommates in public) because of family. This did cause some stress. We went out of town to places like the strip club, and to 6flags so that we could hold hands in public. That was great. At home, we did have our own rooms and space which is very important, but sometimes we would all sleep in the same room. We also made sure to eat a meal together often. Good luck to you two!
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 01-24-2011, 09:04 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

I would suggest looking at the multitude d threads that have gone before you and asked similar if not the same questions. What you are looking for is a unicorn. I would suggest doing a search for tags on unicorns, triads, dating, and secondaries to find what you need. The threads that are tagged with these are the best ones on here for conversations about how it feels to be a secondary, what people have done about kids and coming out, finding a unicorn... Lots to read and learn from. There are also stickies that will help also.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 01-24-2011, 09:06 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

Sorry, I should of added coming out and kids to the tag search list I have you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I would suggest looking at the multitude d threads that have gone before you and asked similar if not the same questions. What you are looking for is a unicorn. I would suggest doing a search for tags on unicorns, triads, dating, and secondaries to find what you need. The threads that are tagged with these are the best ones on here for conversations about how it feels to be a secondary, what people have done about kids and coming out, finding a unicorn... Lots to read and learn from. There are also stickies that will help also.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:00 AM.