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  #21  
Old 10-24-2013, 03:50 PM
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Thanks for moving my post over here to the blog section. I simply need a place to write about what's going on for me. It helps and thanks again for all the comments.

The latest update is good. She has invited me over to meet her kids (while hubby is out of town to minimize awkwardness). Still no overnights but lots and lots of pillow talk last night.

It was a hard couple of days here though. Her husband also wants more excitement but is so introverted that he finds it difficult to meet people. In the past, she said that she functioned as a crutch to get him any action, in the swingers scene. She doesn't want to do that anymore but all of a sudden now he does. She claims she has enough with just me and him but would like him to find someone too. I'm looking forward to getting to know him better because I am great at meeting people and I could help him with that. I think we're getting there.

The other good news is that she has twice now mentioned that I may get those overnights soon. I asked for the moon and suggested every other night but would settle for a couple nights a week. I'm in a state of disbelief. I never expected it to progress even this far. Such a wild ride.
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  #22  
Old 10-24-2013, 11:57 PM
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Sounds like really good news to me. I'll be crossing my fingers for things to continue along in that direction.

I'm sure meeting up with hubby would be good for everybody. It helps a lot when you can put a human face on the guy that seemed like such a scary source of competition in the past.

Perhaps swinging is more his thing? Who knows; all people are different.
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  #23  
Old 10-25-2013, 05:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Sounds like really good news to me. I'll be crossing my fingers for things to continue along in that direction.

I'm sure meeting up with hubby would be good for everybody. It helps a lot when you can put a human face on the guy that seemed like such a scary source of competition in the past.

Perhaps swinging is more his thing? Who knows; all people are different.
I have met her hubby. Twice now. We felt like it would be less awkward to meet the kids with just me and her and my daughter. It truly was a nice evening. We made pizza then washed dishes together and we all played Apples to Apples. Her younger child has been somewhat troubled and this morning my gf told me that the girl was happier while I was there than she had been in months. I don't think it was only because I brought her some organic m&ms either. I have a lot of charm. Anyway, by her saying that, I feel like she is welcoming me even more into her family. That's how she said I affected her, made her happier than she had been in a long time and is also the argument she made to her hubby when she first told him about me. I see some correlation there.

The idea of her and her husband swinging gives me very mixed feelings though. Ideologically, I am perfectly fine with them enjoying their sex life in whatever safe manner they choose. Emotionally, I feel like adding more people into the mix takes away from the time that she might have with me and adds more drama into her emotional mix.

She said that she's not interested in swinging anymore and even joked about sabotaging their swing profile but the fact that they even have a profile bothers me. I reckon it's something I have to accept.

The alternative is what I mentioned about helping him find someone because it sounds like it is more the variety than just swinging for him. I do understand that swinging is fundamentally different than meeting someone. There's less emotional involvement and the purpose is much different too but it's not something that he has any experience doing as a single. She was his first.
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  #24  
Old 10-26-2013, 12:58 AM
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Complicated or not, I am in heaven. As I said in my first post, I didn't think I would ever be in love like this again. Last month, when I first met her and started to recognize that we could have something together, was intense. I felt like I was high on X for three weeks straight. It was so strong that I was grateful when the effect lessened and I could think again. Now, it's happening all over again. I am so high on her love. Meeting her children last night was a big big step and we are closer than ever. So good. I hope the energy of this day stays with us through the whole relationship.
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  #25  
Old 10-26-2013, 01:44 AM
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I take it they still have a swing profile because her husband isn't sure he wants to give it up, and he needs her to partner up with him in a swing setting? If so, then I suppose they will just delete their profile if the time comes that her husband loses interest in it, given that she's already lost interest in it.

So, does her husband talk much about what he wants as far as a poly relationship is concerned? Is that something he might be interested in, and has he said as much?

Sounds like you have a great dynamic with their family and a hopeful chance that sleepovers with her might eventually be countenanced, even if that's not the agreement she and her husband started with.

I think it's great that you are high up on the cloud of NRE (New Relationship Energy), and I suppose it's possible that it might last forever, but you know, in most cases NRE tends to simmer down after awhile so just don't think anything has gone wrong with the relationship if that happens. It's one of those complicated chemistry things ...

So things are good and I for one hope they get even better.
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Old 10-26-2013, 02:50 AM
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Her husband has not talked with me about what he wants except for the first time I met him. Then, I told him that I would back off if he wanted. He said no. She told me that he wants her to be happy and that he appreciates the change in her since she met me.

She seems to have a lot of that NRE stuff today. I have never gotten so many hearts and love texts from her. She just called me sweetie. She's never said that before either. Something has clicked.
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  #27  
Old 10-26-2013, 06:05 AM
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Sounds like things are warming up and your destiny looks good.

So her husband is at least glad to have you involved with her. Sounds like the makings of a good strong V (emotional triad?) to me.

Okay, side question. You and her husband are both heterosexual guys, yes? (cause if you were both bisexual you could evolve into a full-fledged triad.)

Romance is always complicated, even when it's really really good. (Am I right?)
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  #28  
Old 10-31-2013, 03:34 AM
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Okay, side question. You and her husband are both heterosexual guys, yes? (cause if you were both bisexual you could evolve into a full-fledged triad.)
We are both hetero as far as I know. Oh, I am attracted to a certain kind of guy but he is nothing like that type. Turns out though that I am going to get to know him better. She finally has his agreement to spend the night with me and with only one condition. Well, sort of two conditions. One is that I realize that this is a "trial" run. (very psyched that that implies the possibility of more nights together) The real condition though is that all three of us go out together the next night. I agreed. I totally want to sleep with her. I would have agreed to almost anything. It's not about the sex. It's wanting my girlfriend to fall asleep with me, snuggle all night, and wake up in the morning.

I do have mixed feelings about going out with both of them. It's her I like, not him, but he's part of her life so I need to accept him. He is accepting me for her. This is going to happen. Any advice?
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  #29  
Old 10-31-2013, 06:07 AM
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I guess I'd proceed with caution but go along with the agreements the two of them have made. See, when I hear "trial run," I think to myself, "Uh oh, her husband's not really sure he wants this, he is only testing it out once or twice to see if he can stand it." And he may have quite a struggle learning to "stand" it. Lots of guys do the first time they attempt to share their wife, especially in such an intimate way (as some could argue that sleeping together is more intimate than sex). So sorry to be a stick in the mud, but try not to get your hopes too high up there just yet. Sure this might lead to more nights together, or it might lead to him saying, "I can't do this," and then you'll have another long wait ahead of you before you can sleep with her again (if it indeed can happen again).

Is there a chance this could lead to a regular schedule of you/her sleeping-together nights? Indeed there is, which is super wonderful. But in the meantime, all bets are off. We do not know how her husband is *really* going to react to his wife sleeping even one night with another man. Could turn out fine, could melt down into a roiling pit of drama.

I'm sure going out with them will feel awkward at first but I'd encourage you to do it anyway. You need to learn to get comfortable around her husband (and vice versa), a little at a time.

No special advice other than that.
Good luck.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #30  
Old 10-31-2013, 12:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
try not to get your hopes too high up there just yet.
Is there a chance this could lead to a regular schedule of you/her sleeping-together nights? Indeed there is, which is super wonderful. But in the meantime, all bets are off. We do not know how her husband is *really* going to react to his wife sleeping even one night with another man. Could turn out fine, could melt down into a roiling pit of drama.
I think the same thing Kevin, that he is unsure how he feels about it. Let me backtrack a little bit. She did tell me that she was going to ask him again and when she told me that I said, "I really want for you to stay over sometimes but I have let go of it. If you can great, if not that's fine too." See, after last week with the whole swinging issue, I realized that I need to be able to let her go. I'd rather not but saw it as a distinct possibility.

So I changed the way I thought about us and quit trying so hard to guess how it all would go. Acceptance of the moment instead of hope for the future. Unsurprisingly, that made it easier to be all the way there with her when we were together and when we made love Friday, the connection was unreal. She said only one other person had ever taken her there.

That's when she started sending me hearts and professing her love. So there were a lot of changes this week. She came over and we cuddled. I could just cry at what a great cuddle that was too. It was the kind where you feel like one. This was all clothed too. We have many times sat and cuddled but it feels different now. No resistance, openness.

On Monday, her husband sent her the new CNN article about polyamory, Polyamory: When three isn't a crowd. I'm pretty sure it's still difficult for him though because after I agreed to host her Friday and go out with the both of them Saturday she said, "I feel like I've made a mess of things."
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