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  #91  
Old 02-25-2014, 07:16 PM
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pcflvly pcflvly is offline
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This might be the last entry. It's been fun.

"I pretty much got the message the last time I saw you. When you told me that you were going off the pill after the trip. I can read between your lines. I know you really well. Everything changed after I went out with J that night. I don't know if it was something I said to him or just that I went out with him or something completely different but you started distancing yourself then. I don't understand why you couldn't just tell me though. We're friends right? That was the condition. That we were friends. I don't want to be hurt over you. I have too many good memories of our times together. But I'm really hurt. I wait for you until you're ready for me. Always here for you, available and at your pleasure. And what great pleasure but it takes all the fun out of the rest of my time when I wonder what you feel and you're not telling me. I shouldn't have got so attached. I just fell in love with you and still love you. I'm not much for the distance though. It hurts. I got the message. "

"No one ever made love to you like I did and no one ever cried for you like I am. I don't blame you though. I've only ever been your flash in the pan. We had some real love though. We breathed together mouth to mouth. You'll always be in me."

"I must have a lot of tears for you because I've been up for an hour and there's no sign of them stopping yet. I always knew I would cry for you someday too. I felt them in me for months now. Mostly they were joy tears.All this love for you just welling up and pouring out. I'm not going to beg you for anything though. Closure? Your continued friendship? Validation? Honesty?"

"I already started to refocus. I got all my money finally. I inspired a new Neighbor to Neighbor group and am working outreach to help these poverty stricken people with their substandard housing. One hundred members who want to give in only 12 hours. So many tears in my eyes though, I'm afraid to go out. "

I don't expect to hear back from her.
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  #92  
Old 02-25-2014, 10:12 PM
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Ohuhhhh ... pcflvly, what happened? Who is talking in these quotes? Is this A talking to you? Who was taking what pill and why did they decide to stop?

Intuitively, I get the impression that A has decided to leave you. But I have to say, I don't at all understand why. I thought things were going pretty well? Were you distancing yourself from A somehow?

Intuitively, I get the impression that something very bad is happening to you. (And to A, J, and/or M?) A break-up with A would certainly be a bad thing, but whatever it is, I am sorry and alarmed to hear about it.

I hope you'll be willing to talk a bit more about whatever's happening, but I certainly respect your privacy if it's something you'd rather not talk about. Peace and God bless in any case.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #93  
Old 02-25-2014, 11:28 PM
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That's me writing to A. She hasn't told me anything but she obviously decided to pull back. I would be fine with that if she could have told me but just cutting me off without any explanation. I'm not into that game. You know how much I love her. Too much. Still no reply. Someday she'll talk to me again but I don't know if I'll talk to her. Fuck.
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  #94  
Old 02-26-2014, 01:08 AM
monkeystyle monkeystyle is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pcflvly View Post
That's me writing to A. She hasn't told me anything but she obviously decided to pull back. I would be fine with that if she could have told me but just cutting me off without any explanation. I'm not into that game. You know how much I love her. Too much. Still no reply. Someday she'll talk to me again but I don't know if I'll talk to her. Fuck.
Strange woman amigo, she seemed ready to dump her husband into the garbage a month or two ago - without really saying much about it. Now she's possibly doing a 180, so don't feel too surprised. Even if she starts talking again, you may want to re-evaluate your position - as you may be much more in love with her than she is with you.

In my experience, people who flip-flop their emotional states on a dime aren't trustworthy. She may have an excuse, and it may be a good one - but it doesn't matter. Completely ignoring you, knowing how you'll feel, is a rotten sign of empathy and disrespect.
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  #95  
Old 02-26-2014, 02:31 AM
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I'm all screwed up about this. I should know better. A is a Gemini. So was my first wife. They look alike too. My first wife left me while I was out of town and made everyone keep silent about where she went. She was trying to make a clean break. That same week my sister died of Cancer. I remember how I felt then now more than ever. So now I have triggers that have clicked. I knew they were there.

The 180 happened when I went behind her back to invite her husband out for drinks. I don't know if that was the proximate cause though.

I do agree with you on the dime dance but she was fairly constant and I know she loved me... I saw it and felt it. What I've written here is all true. Believe me, I've written a lot more.

The salient thing here is that she told me in not so many words that she was dialing it back. She said that she was going off the pill after returning from her retreat. What that meant was that we wouldn't be having sex anymore. That was the last time I saw her. We made love and she left right after. I didn't ask her what she meant at the time but I knew, then denied it to myself. It wasn't until about three days ago that I fully realized the implications.
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  #96  
Old 02-26-2014, 03:57 AM
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Okay now I understand a little better, although A's overall decision to withdraw from you remains a mystery to, well, you and me (and others I'm sure). Really sorry that happened, man. That really sucks. Don't suppose there's any chance this could be some kind of an epic miscommunication on her part? Maybe something's going on with her that she alone knows about?

I suppose that at first glance it looks like she simply decided that polyamory was wrong (or at least wrong for her, or for her and J), and that she would just stop practicing it. So she's not speaking to you at all? No emails, nothing?

Gosh I don't know what to advise. If she's not talking to you, and this radio silence of hers has been going on for a long time, then it kind of puts you in a crappy position. How long are you supposed to put your life on hold waiting for her to answer you? I guess the only logical move here is to try to detox from the whole thing and move on. If she wants to rescue her relationship with you, she'd better get right on it.

I hope you'll be able to find some peace at the end of this long gloomy tunnel. I know I can't help much beyond lending a listening ear, but I'll always be willing to do that.

With many sympathies,
Kevin T.
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  #97  
Old 02-26-2014, 05:19 AM
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No, it's not that much of a mystery to me. I understand her. Kevin. I cried for at least four hours today. My eyes are sore. Every tear was love. I'm not sad so to speak. It's that every tear makes me realize how much I love her and I know that I love her enough to cry for days. You saw what we did together. We shared love. There's no remorse or sadness for that. It's just love and I want more. Certainly hasn't soured me on it. The tears are detox. I know that. It's different than I remember though. I love a lot differently now than I did when younger. I just love her and want her to be happy. Whatever she wants is okay with me. I gave her my friendship first. She has that with no blame and no regrets. Always.
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  #98  
Old 02-26-2014, 06:08 AM
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That's a good attitude to have, and a very generous outlook. Perhaps if I were in your shoes I'd be tempted to react bitterly, but of course you alone must be in those shoes, and you have much knowledge that we, the mere readers of this thread, can't have. Like you said, you know her. So I don't doubt your response is appropriate for the circumstances.

I hope she'll talk to you again -- sometime.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #99  
Old 02-26-2014, 04:08 PM
monkeystyle monkeystyle is offline
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Agreed with Kevin, it's a very generous outlook. If it's come to the end for both of you, you certainly can carry yourself with the pride of knowing you really did act with the best of intentions throughout the relationship. While I don't think you meeting with her husband for a beer was a grievous sin (I would've been happy you did it), and certainly not worth pulling back over - who can know the mind of another person and how they'll react?

You're feeling pretty emotional right now, and rightfully. In the end I think part of you will look at this more objectively and realize there were some significant flaws to this arrangement by this couple. That they in general were not ready for what an open relationship would bring to their internal dynamic, and seriously overestimated their capacity for more - unfortunately.
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  #100  
Old 02-26-2014, 08:20 PM
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Or it could just be Mercury retrograde and everything will work out when the planet goes direct this weekend. I'm still trying to engage her but receiving nothing but evasive replies.
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