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  #31  
Old 09-29-2013, 06:27 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Originally Posted by Numina View Post
Since Sweetone isn’t actually dating there is no hypocrisy
In order for a policy to be hypocrisy it needs to be acted upon and not merely agreed upon?

You're grasping at straws.

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Originally Posted by Numina View Post
Give her the opportunity to learn what poly is, and what might work in her life...Shutting someone out of the forum because they are new to the idea of poly is basically elitism, and cliquish.
Denying her this opportunity or "shutting her out" would be pretty crappy.

Good thing no one here has done that.

I understand that you are trying to defend a new poster from perceived egregious assaults inflicted upon her by the "elite clique"... but these sins are imagined.

This has been blown way... way... way out of proportion by someone being a bit over sensitive. There were no attacks made... only perceived injuries.

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Originally Posted by Numina View Post
Instead of stomping on someone offer them new ways of thinking, inform them what poly is, offer educational resources.
No one is stomping on anyone, with the exception of perhaps the couple of us who have expressed contrary views being stomped on by those of you who want to be Forum Police. I've now been called "elitist", "judgmental", "offensive", "stomping on new posters", and in a "clique".

It's ok that we disagree. We'll all survive and move on with our lives, but I'll be honest... I'm about done with being called names for brutalities which never occurred.
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Last edited by Marcus; 09-29-2013 at 06:32 AM.
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  #32  
Old 09-29-2013, 01:40 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Default Hold on....

Marcus,

I get where you're coming from, and I agree it feels hypocritical to me, as well, to control when your other partner "gets" to be poly, when you are already, merely because of your own comfort levels.

But you really can't control (yes, I'm using that word deliberately) how others maintain their poly relationships. I pointed it out, the first time, because I wanted to see if SweetOne was aware of what she was doing. Turns out she is...and pulliman, too, is okay with that sort of relationship.

You are not. That's fine. But I guess you need to let them go about it as they like. If SweetOne's husband....and pulliman....are okay with it, then all is okay. If they decide one day that they aren't, fine, they're poly, they can move on and find someone else. Until then, it appears that they have a healthy relationship.
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  #33  
Old 09-29-2013, 01:52 PM
pulliman pulliman is offline
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Point of clarification - I'm not actually okay with "it" in the way you're describing, though I suspect that it's not the nuance that SweetOne was originally stating. I've always encouraged my mono wife to explore, even when she hasn't wanted to. Now she does, and I'm really happy with it. I couldn't imagine forbidding her what I want for myself. But I'm also not going to call someone a hypocrite if they need some time to figure this out, first, before opening up further.

It's the tone, not the content, that I often notice. I (mostly) always learn something from what I read, be it the therapists asking questions, the philosophers explaining structures, or the storytellers giving glimpses into their lives.

Hope that clarification helps in this otherwise awkward conversation.

Last edited by pulliman; 09-29-2013 at 01:57 PM.
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  #34  
Old 09-29-2013, 04:16 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Default oops

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Originally Posted by pulliman View Post
Point of clarification - I'm not actually okay with "it" in the way you're describing, though I suspect that it's not the nuance that SweetOne was originally stating. I've always encouraged my mono wife to explore, even when she hasn't wanted to. Now she does, and I'm really happy with it. I couldn't imagine forbidding her what I want for myself. But I'm also not going to call someone a hypocrite if they need some time to figure this out, first, before opening up further.

It's the tone, not the content, that I often notice. I (mostly) always learn something from what I read, be it the therapists asking questions, the philosophers explaining structures, or the storytellers giving glimpses into their lives.

Hope that clarification helps in this otherwise awkward conversation.
Sorry, I meant PolyInWa. Not pulliman.
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  #35  
Old 09-29-2013, 04:44 PM
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But you really can't control (yes, I'm using that word deliberately) how others maintain their poly relationships... But I guess you need to let them go about it as they like.
I have exactly zero interest in telling people how they should or should not go about their relationships. I have not openly said, nor implied anything of the sort.

I merely stated that the "do as I say, not as I do" is both a controlling and hypocritical policy. The reason this conversation got all blown out of whack is not because someone told me they are ok with the situation as is... but that it is not a controlling or hypocritical policy, and that I'm being a big bad wolf for suggesting that it is.

I very rarely find anyone who approaches relationships the way I do (or even close). This doesn't offend or confuse me in the least. If a relationship configuration and set of agreements are working, and everyone involved wants to keep it that way then Merry Christmas, go about your life.

I have not, and will not tell people how to live their lives. The person you feel who has made this assertion is a mirage... it's not me.
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  #36  
Old 09-29-2013, 10:57 PM
pulliman pulliman is offline
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Hey Marcus - for whatever role I've played in this conversation, my apologies and thanks for the clarification. I think I meant my last comment about therapists, philosophers, and storytellers in the broader sense that was missing from, but underlying, my earlier comment. No offense intended...
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  #37  
Old 09-29-2013, 11:16 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
I have exactly zero interest in telling people how they should or should not go about their relationships. I have not openly said, nor implied anything of the sort.
Seriously, stick. out. of. butt. I was completely in agreement with you, and you chose to focus on the tiny little critique (that wasn't even aimed directly at you). All I was saying was that you needn't worry about her choice of poly style.

Peace?
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  #38  
Old 09-29-2013, 11:22 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
Seriously, stick. out. of. butt
This is a poly discussion board. We discuss the details of poly and related topics. Do me a favor, stop telling me how to have a conversation and I won't tell you to stick. it. up. butt
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