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  #11  
Old 09-27-2013, 11:54 PM
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I'm concerned about the lack of sex I'm having! Haha!
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  #12  
Old 09-28-2013, 09:08 PM
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Generally, animals have a few key needs for survival, and their instinct and motivation is directed towards those needs. For an individual to survive, he/she needs air, food, water, shelter, due opportunity for elimination, and the good fortune of reasonably good health. For the species to survive, he/she needs due opportunity for reproduction.

So sex is a strong need and instinct, but it's not quite as strong as those other things I mentioned that an individual needs to survive. TL/DR: You'll be okay personally even if the amount of sex you're currently getting is lacking. Don't sweat it too much! I'm pretty sure you'll come across more opportunity for sex in due time.

Remember, any job worth doing is worth doing well ...
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  #13  
Old 10-02-2013, 02:38 AM
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Haha I spoke too soon.. ;P

So, I have another question. Not completely related to poly but I guess it goes on a bit of a tangent. My ex's girlfriend asked me not to physically touch my ex. I have a problem with that because my ex and I have always physically touched (platonic and otherwise) and he has never expressed any problem with me doing it since he's been with his girlfriend. I don't know how to respond to her. :S I don't want drama or hard feelings, but I'm going to hug one of my best friends and joke around if I want to, you know? Ugh!
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  #14  
Old 10-02-2013, 06:12 AM
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If there's a question there, it must be rhetorical. As you stated, you're going to hug one of your best friends and joke around if you want to. You may not like the drama or hard feelings that result from your ex's girlfriend, but unless I am misreading your post, you've already kind of made up your mind that continuing your tactile dynamic with your ex will be the priority here.

If you are asking how to respond to her, you might start by asking her why this is so important to her, and sharing with her that touch is something you and your ex have always shared and it's important to you. Ultimately, I think you'd best give her fair warning that you do intend to continue touching the ex when you feel so inclined. It's the truth, and it gets the drama over with which is just as well.

Unless something she tells you convinces you to soften your position? Do try to be a sincere listener while she talks, don't just use what she says to try to build up a good retort.

Probably not gonna be an easy situation to work through. Sorry about that.
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  #15  
Old 10-02-2013, 02:35 PM
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Ah yes, sorry. I guess my post didn't have a straight question there... but you answered what I was wondering, which was how to respond to her. She wrote me a long e-mail a couple weeks ago and I've been struggling with a response. I have pretty much already made up my mind, and I do have a feeling this will be a tough situation to deal with. Yet again, thanks for your input.
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  #16  
Old 10-02-2013, 03:20 PM
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As someone new to poly but not new to casual sex (swinging) I guess the communication aspect comes easily...that, and I've learned my lessons.

For your situation...if I were in it...I would most certainly be taking responsibility for my OWN health and safety. Part of that is understanding a little bit more about who I am hooking up with. I guess what you are talking about is really two things.

1) There's the "frat / music industry" aspect of getting fucked up and throwing caution to the wind...waking up saying "what the fuck did I do last night" and smiling a wicked smile at how adventurous you are...then going to the STD clinic after the hangover wears off.

2) Living a responsible life as someone who enjoys hooking up and having a good time with others of like mind while remaining safe and sane in the process.

I guess the first one is pretty much giving up your life to fate.

The second one involves a lot of questions about what level of risk do you really want to invite into your life. The health risk of drinking too much and fucking blind. The emotional risk of treading all over someone else's relationship that could come back to YOU. The mental risk of having to deal with the consequences of your actions.

Personally I don't see the fact that your poly coming into the situations you've been involved with until you begin to enter a relationship with some one. Sleeping around and partying is just being single and having a good time. It really isn't until one of your partners asks for something more that your being poly comes into play. How soon you disclose that is up to you...but if its just a one night stand...it doesn't matter IMHO. Of course if you really like someone and things begin to develop...like a connection or regular get-togethers then you will know instinctively that as you get to know each other they should be aware of your poly inclinations.

Those are just the thoughts that strike me from what you wrote.
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  #17  
Old 10-02-2013, 09:24 PM
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Good post Steve.

@ DevilsChild ... keep us posted on how things go, I'm of course particularly invested in how/whether you're able to hammer out an understanding with your ex's girlfriend.

Regards,
Kevin T.
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  #18  
Old 10-08-2013, 02:40 AM
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Yes, good post indeed. Thanks Steve.

I just responded to her now... it's been 3 weeks since she originally wrote to me. I honestly felt pissed at some of the things she was telling me not to do, and didn't want to reply with any hints of anger, or with anything I would regret. Anyway... I'll let you know how it pans out.
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  #19  
Old 10-08-2013, 05:36 AM
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You were wise to give yourself a cooling period before responding to her email. At the least, it allows *you* to keep hold of your objectivity.
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  #20  
Old 10-09-2013, 02:06 AM
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Well she responded and said she thinks touching is inappropriate and unnecessary because we're ex's, that she personally never touches her ex's for reason out of respect for her ex's mono relationship as well as hers, and that our over familiarity rubs her the wrong way. She claims it's not just one thing I do but a handful that make her uncomfortable. The examples she brought up are from this one party around a month ago, which were: rubbing his arm after I accidentally hit him, moving aside his jacket to see what shirt he was wearing, and hugging him. She says that as an ex-girlfriend I shouldn't be doing those types of things. She acknowledges that we both have different ideas of relationship boundaries, and that I'm not doing these things intentionally to upset her.

I think I'll ask my ex if this makes him uncomfortable too, and if it does then I'm alright with stopping. But if it doesn't then I guess there will have to come to some sort of compromise? I dunno... ughhh. FRUSTRATION
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