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  #51  
Old 10-15-2013, 11:33 PM
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polyreggaelover polyreggaelover is offline
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Yeah it is painful, I am still hurting from a relationship I ended 6 weeks ago.

She was a potential lover, we danced and snogged, but then she friendzoned me. Now its just me but I realised recently that it really pisses me off being friendzoned, and it doesn't work with me, I will always resent that person, so it is better to make a clean break not drag on trying to be a friend but wanting to be a lover, but this person I really loved.

So I messaged her, 'Sorry to disappoint you to, but I want lovers not friends. Please never message me again. Bye.' I think it annoyed her as much as she annoyed me because she really needs friends! Still missing her though.
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  #52  
Old 10-16-2013, 03:19 AM
GreenAcres GreenAcres is offline
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Kevin, you aren't prying at all. Talking helps. Those things affect me deeply, as well, and so I know exactly what you mean. It is wonderful, in some ways, that you can still enjoy the songs in her spirit, but I know how heart-wrenching it is, too. It is the same for me. He and I both are fairly musical, and had many songs that were "ours." On one hand, I just keep wanting to listen to them over, and over, and over, and...well, you get the idea. It somehow makes him feel closer to me, makes me remember the times we had together with those songs, and all that went into them, and that is comforting. On the other hand, it hurts like hell that he isn't there.

The thing I miss the most is the way he held me at night. I know that sounds trite, but it was totally new for me. I don't snuggle in bed, it generally drives me nuts. In my whole life, I've not snuggled at night when I am asleep. Until him. Something about him just made me want him close, it just...fit, if that makes any sense? I've never slept so well, so soundly, so comfortably as in his arms, and waking up to him holding me was amazing.

And, the things way we did things together. He has a wonderful wit, and we were both very exuberant together. We're both in great shape, and he was one of the only people who has ever been able to keep up with me in all my many activities (including in the bedroom), and enthusiastically made them his, too. I've never laughed so much as I did with him, no matter what we were doing, and never felt as equal and well-matched as I did with him. Given some of my hobbies, this is a hard thing to come by. So, I am not without that partner in hobbies, and doing them alone has become bittersweet.

I miss him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
You know one thing that surprised me, at how deeply it affected me (in a bittersweet way) was hearing again and remembering some of my wife's favorite songs. I alone remain to try to appreciate them in the spirit she would have. Have you had any such musical stings in your heart lately, GreenAcres? What do you miss the most about this man you've lost, or what affects you the most poignantly about him?

Hope I'm not prying.
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  #53  
Old 10-16-2013, 11:45 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Sounds like you and the ex shared quite a range of special things. Sometimes that sucks because things you used to enjoy doing alone, you now have mixed feelings about because no longer can you do them without on some level wishing he was still there.

I guess that's one of the great risks one takes when one falls in love. Once one has opened up certain parts of one's soul to another soul, those parts are no longer private; they are permanently shared, even after the other soul has left one's life.

Sometimes I feel afraid to touch the lady I'm now with when we're sleeping together. I want to protect myself by curling up in a solitary ball. But then I remember that the risk of love is always worth it, and always necessary, even when it ends in death or separation.

So I reach out tentatively, nervously, and allow myself to appreciate the closeness I have with her in the here and now.
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  #54  
Old 02-12-2014, 09:14 PM
GreenAcres GreenAcres is offline
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So, I dropped off the forums (and most of the rest of life) for a while, to just try and deal.

Things took a bit of a turn, but I can't really talk about it yet. I just wanted to say I am here, and will keep reading, and hopefully can post an update soon-ish. Thank you all so much for your support.
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  #55  
Old 02-14-2014, 01:49 AM
happytovee happytovee is offline
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Just seeing this thread today for the first time. Hopefully the turn yesterday was for the good!

Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Death takes all the good things you had with that person and takes them away. Forever.
I look at this differently. I agree that death takes away the possibility of MORE good things with that person in the future, of course. But nothing, not even death, can take away all the good things you shared with that person you loved. We can carry those memories, and that person, with us in our heart always. At least it helps me to think about my losses that way. <3
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  #56  
Old 02-14-2014, 02:14 AM
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Maybe the healing process is that over time the bitter fades, while the sweet remains as if it were yesterday.

Good to hear you're hanging in there GreenAcres.
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