Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #31  
Old 09-19-2013, 09:54 PM
Josie Josie is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 70
Default

Bah, I didn't mean for this to end up spiraling into a big debate and taking over this thread - apologies to the OP.

I know my needs do suggest insecurity, but people are always saying on here that you should communicate with your partners. I did that, I told him that I would be more comfortable if they took it slow, he asks for specifics (what taking it slow meant to me), I told him. I never laid down the law. It was his choice whether or not he agreed with that. He didn't have to, and I was very upfront with that, I didn't want him agreeing to anything that he wasn't comfortable with. Then after they had had roughly three dates (which at the time had all been pretty casual with no real relationship plans), around the time we had this discussion, he told her what was going on, and me and her also had a face to face chat about it.

Also, to note, NYCindie was right, I never expressed any discomfort/problems with any social gatherings/texting/messaging/phonecalls between them.
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 09-19-2013, 10:00 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,204
Default

I don't think there was anything wrong or crazy or unreasonable in how you went about it. Yes, we all need to express what we are comfortable and uncomfortable with, and it sounds like you did so compassionately and considerately. It seems to me that all three of you had a chance to state your needs and exercise choice. I would see no problem having you as a metamour!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 09-19-2013, 10:26 PM
Josie Josie is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 70
Default

Thanks NY! That means a lot
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 09-20-2013, 12:06 AM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 518
Default Heh

Quote:
Originally Posted by Josie View Post
Bah, I didn't mean for this to end up spiraling into a big debate and taking over this thread - apologies to the OP.

I know my needs do suggest insecurity, but people are always saying on here that you should communicate with your partners. I did that, I told him that I would be more comfortable if they took it slow, he asks for specifics (what taking it slow meant to me), I told him. I never laid down the law. It was his choice whether or not he agreed with that. He didn't have to, and I was very upfront with that, I didn't want him agreeing to anything that he wasn't comfortable with. Then after they had had roughly three dates (which at the time had all been pretty casual with no real relationship plans), around the time we had this discussion, he told her what was going on, and me and her also had a face to face chat about it.

Also, to note, NYCindie was right, I never expressed any discomfort/problems with any social gatherings/texting/messaging/phonecalls between them.
No worries! Actually, I was worried you might be annoyed at everyone jumping in and analyzing your situation when you never asked for that
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 09-20-2013, 03:24 PM
Inyourendo's Avatar
Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: sw missouri
Posts: 825
Default

The reason we have a limit one Ovn elsewhere each per week is because of my work schedule, his study schedule and to ensure we get 2 nights a week as a family. Also his gf can spend the night any night or when I'm at work if they want alone time.
__________________
Sue, openly in a vee with Nate (polysexual, many fwb) and Sam (Mono)
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 09-20-2013, 07:19 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,204
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
No worries! Actually, I was worried you might be annoyed at everyone jumping in and analyzing your situation when you never asked for that
Hopefully you are able to gain clarity on your own situation by reading others' views on someone else's.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 09-21-2013, 02:50 AM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 518
Default Learning

Thanks very much for thoughts. I wonder if the double standard would have bothered me as much if it was a smaller issue, as the one that Josie put forth (it WAS a double standard, but not a particularly unreasonable one, and only temporary).
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:33 PM.