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  #11  
Old 09-16-2013, 05:08 PM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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I need clarification: he told you he and his wife had unprotected sex with a stranger 5 months ago AFTER he had unprotected sex with you?
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  #12  
Old 09-16-2013, 05:38 PM
westVan westVan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bookbug View Post
I need clarification: he told you he and his wife had unprotected sex with a stranger 5 months ago AFTER he had unprotected sex with you?
yes that is correct, and apparently this wasnt the first time it has happened. and no he was not tested since.
I have a dr appointment on Wedneday to be tested.
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  #13  
Old 09-16-2013, 06:19 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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((((hugs))))

What a nasty blinder!
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  #14  
Old 09-16-2013, 08:39 PM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Yeah..., I am just kind of speechless.
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  #15  
Old 09-17-2013, 04:08 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Yeah-the telling you after sex with you-that's fucked up.

he does have the right to be as dangerous as he wishes with his own body, and his wife does as well.
However-every person has a responsibility to tell any other person they are going to have sex with-the risks that come with that.

I would be greatly offended by that as well.

I deserve to decide the level of risk I take-but I can only do that if my partners are upfront and honest with me.
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  #16  
Old 09-17-2013, 12:53 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by westVan View Post
Saturday nothing special planned . . . but he has arranged for us to have sex with someone I have never met . . .
WTF???!!!

This thread is aptly named. If I had been in your shoes, the moment he spoke those words I would have stopped him and said, "Pack up your bags and call the airline immediately to change your return flight. You are leaving now."

I choose whom I fuck. No one else has a say about what I do with my body and with whom I share myself.

Is he insane?

Quote:
Originally Posted by westVan View Post
. . . on top of that in the morning he informs me that 5 months ago he and wife had unprotected sex with an person they didn't know.
Well, it seems their kink is anonymous sex with random strangers. But he had no right to make that choice for you, nor to keep you informed about what they were doing so you could take care of yourself.

You've been with this guy for three years or so, right? I know in one thread you stated that the wife had ended your 3-year relationship with him when you went to ask for certain considerations, but this situation sounds like the same people. If it is the same guy, I would wonder if he and she have been doing this sort of shit all along. He is not trustworthy at all.

Quote:
Originally Posted by westVan View Post
It was over between us as soon as he told me what they did, no need to doubt that, but was just having a WTF moment.
I am glad to read that you have enough of a sense of self-esteem and backbone to end it. He is a creep.

However, your other threads here do seem to usually focus on how to deal with a lot of unreasonable crap in your relationship, such as the wife making rules for your relationship with him, not being "allowed" to be seen out with him when you're in his town, his habit of spending large amounts of his time with you either texting her or talking to you about her, them expecting you to participate in activities they like but you do not... the list goes on and on.

And yet you are sad to see it end.

In your previous posts, you would usually express frustration with him, while making his wife out to be more of the "bad guy," even though he was the one you were involved with and the one who expected you to accept their rules in order to be with him. You have also said that you value your independence. I am glad you are looking at the part you played and how you caved and accepted all that, so that your independence, autonomy, and self-authority is not just some idea you pay lip service to any more, and something you really start advocating for and creating for yourself.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
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Last edited by nycindie; 09-17-2013 at 12:58 PM.
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