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Old 09-16-2013, 02:34 AM
destinee destinee is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2
Default Introducing my husband to the idea

Hi everyone Im brand new to this forum, I hope this is the right section to post in. I've been in a 'mono' relationship with my husband for 10 years.
To make a long story short, it took us 9 years & a LOT of tears to learn that what a society had taught us forever, the concept of monogamy being the only 'right' way to live, just wasnt working for either of us. We are so in love, but just had sexual attractions to others that we couldnt ignore. So as of last year, we began a 'polysexual' relationship. (forgive me if that isnt even a real word, im not sure?) But we can have sex with others, as long as we are both honest about it. It is working out great for both of us.
There is one guy in particular, ill call him R, that I have been sleeping with for a year now. He is close friends with my husband, and i have been lucky enough that they have agreed to a threesome with me on several occasions (<--lucky me, i know!.
The reason for me writing this, is that I am getting feelings for R , that are more than just sexual.. And before anyone says it, no, i am not one of those people who automatically gets attached after sex.. Sex & feelings are very seperate for me most of the time). I am very interested in pursuing a polyamorous relationship with them both. The problem is, my husband seems hesitant.. I feel that he just doesnt know enough about the lifestyle, which I understand, I know it isnt exactly mainstream.
Id appreciate SO much any advice on how to educate my husband without coming off as overly pushy, or worse yet, making him question our current lifestyle in general.. ?? Thanks everyone!!
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Old 09-16-2013, 03:17 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Polysexual... swinging . just for the record. There is all subsets of swinging of course. Not just good ole key parties

You have been honest with him. what he needs to do now is figure it out. Direct him to this site, maybe through him a book like Ethical Slut or Opening up. Heck find a local polyamory group and see if he would go with you. There are some other big sites out there, like morethanone etc. Lots of potential information for him to understand whats happening.

I found the jump from swining,.. to polyamory a brutal one. It was tough for me. Sleeping with others was easy, but holy crap I had feelings for someone.. that was a kick in the teeth.

I hope he does his part to figure it out and doesn't bury his head in the sand. Keep being honest with him, discuss your options with him.. but in the end all 3 of you have to want this. A 3 person poly group has 4 relationships (lovers, friendship, husbands etc), all of which need to work in order for this to come together. ..
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Old 09-16-2013, 03:31 AM
destinee destinee is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2

Thank you soo much for your quick reply!! I will definitely look into the two books you recommended, and hope he will agree to learn more with an open mind. Again, I appreciate the help
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Old 09-16-2013, 05:29 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,355

Could keep it simple. Using your own words how about something like this?
"I am getting feelings for R that are more than just sexual. I could be interested in pursuing a polyamorous relationship with you and R both. I do not know how you or R might feel about it. I am asking you first.

Could you be willing to talk about polyamory with me?
Could you be willing to learn more about the lifestyle?
If so, after some talking/learning time -- could you be willing to tell me if you are up for polyamory or not?

Then I can figure out what to do about my feelings for R -- allow them to grow or allow them to fade.
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