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Old 09-17-2013, 04:51 AM
DsmEvolution DsmEvolution is offline
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Question So where do I go from here? Starting out

So my primary and I have been together now for almost 13 years. I've always had a mind for poly, but kept that wish on the back burner like I have with other concepts in our relationship.

Lately he's expressed the interest in finding a third which in all honesty shocked the crap out of me, but i'm happy he's finally admitting to it.

I'm just not sure on the "Step 1. / Step 2" side of things.

Any tips for starting the Poly-Dating process? Pitfalls we should avoid?
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DsmEvolution = Male / 33 / Gay Flexible / Open Relationship / With Primary partner for 12 years / Possible relationship starting with someone new. Details to come
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Old 09-17-2013, 09:37 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Ahhh, pifalls. Your choice to use the word "third" to describe a potential partner leads me to believe you may benefit from reading this: http://davidlnoble.livejournal.com/176039.html
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Old 09-17-2013, 10:03 AM
DsmEvolution DsmEvolution is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emm View Post
Ahhh, pifalls. Your choice to use the word "third" to describe a potential partner leads me to believe you may benefit from reading this: http://davidlnoble.livejournal.com/176039.html
Reading in to this, a lot of what's written there is very well put but are also ideas that I had already thought of as "General common sense". I realize that common sense these days is in short supply, so I wont fault the writer for needing to post this. Most people these days dive head first into situations without any forethought as to how to proceed, they then find themselves in the deep end of the pool with no ladder out and all of the sudden they begin to panic.

I'm still in the middle of reading this blog, but I just wanted to throw my current thought out there. Thanks for posting.
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DsmEvolution = Male / 33 / Gay Flexible / Open Relationship / With Primary partner for 12 years / Possible relationship starting with someone new. Details to come
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Old 09-17-2013, 11:31 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Polyamory does not mean being in a "primary" couple and finding a "third" who will magically love and lust for both of the couple equally.

It could, but that is the hardest way to go about it. It's about like hitting the lottery. That is why these sought after women are called unicorns.

Most poly people date individually. Trying to find a third to mesh herself somehow into your couple is like building a very small box and asking someone to fold herself into it.
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Old 09-17-2013, 11:50 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Trying to find a third to mesh herself somehow into your couple is like building a very small box and asking someone to fold herself into it.
According to the OP's signature, he is a "Gay Flexible" male in an open Relationship. So, I think the dynamic behind his wanting a "third" might be a bit different than the usual expected unicorn shit we always see here. In one of his first threads, DSM wrote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by DsmEvolution View Post
*IF* My partn
er and I meet a Third Guy and we start a relationship . . .
So, I wonder if by "third," he just means "third guy" in this case, and maybe not necessarily a secondary appendage to a holy dyad in the center.

DSM, are you now looking only for someone else to be with both your partner and you, or are you two open to dating separately?

What happened with the second relationship you had started and wrote a few hopeful posts about back in December? Did it go anywhere?
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