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  #11  
Old 09-28-2013, 06:54 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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It is a kid/convenience thing. Butch is an awesome Dad and actually the more compassionate parent due to his work schedule if we were to divorce he would only see them less than 8 days a month and that is not acceptable.. I am not a man and can't teach little boys to be men. That hour or 2 before they go to school is very important. My children do not need their world ripped apart.

His obsession with BDSM is my only complaint. It is apart of who he is and how he functions in this life in an intimate relationship. He has this need I can not fill.
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Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #12  
Old 09-28-2013, 09:30 PM
monkeystyle monkeystyle is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
It is a kid/convenience thing. Butch is an awesome Dad and actually the more compassionate parent due to his work schedule if we were to divorce he would only see them less than 8 days a month and that is not acceptable.. I am not a man and can't teach little boys to be men. That hour or 2 before they go to school is very important. My children do not need their world ripped apart.

His obsession with BDSM is my only complaint. It is apart of who he is and how he functions in this life in an intimate relationship. He has this need I can not fill.
Obsessing? Does he ever actually talk to other mature people into BDSM, who have managed to incorporate their way of thinking while living with someone who isn't? Seems Butch could use some perspective on how not to carry on with non-bdsm inclined people - might help him channel things better.
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  #13  
Old 09-30-2013, 12:15 AM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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My husbands need to be a slave is intertwined into his identity. I have no urge to spend my day issuing demands and punishments upon a grown man who I would prefer to be my equal. He had a very abusive domineering childhood. He equates servitude with love. I do not. I find it to be creepy and frankly a royal poison in my ass. It has gotten worse as he gets older.

We live in Podunk Pennsylvania. There is no scene here. He has no outlet. He is from Chicago where there is a large healthy scene.
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40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #14  
Old 09-30-2013, 08:38 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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I am in a good mood. After Butch gets home it is off to see Murf for me. I have missed him terribly. Maybe tonight I will actually get a decent nights sleep.
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40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #15  
Old 10-01-2013, 10:36 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Spent the night and a good chunk of the day with Murf. Slept most of it but we both work nights and had to work tonight both of us. Slept like a rock..

Came home to the other house an hour before I had to leave for work. Made the kids dinner and ate with Butch and the boys. Hope tonight is quiet at work.
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40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #16  
Old 10-01-2013, 10:44 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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I am enjoying your blog. Your life is not boring. I rarely comment on blogs, but I am following it.

I do not blame you for not being into what Butch likes. I cannot see myself doing that. I would look at my husband like GTFOH, dude. It would make me feel uncomfortable. He needs to respect how you feel and find an outlet.

Murf sounds like a keeper, and I hope your relationship with him continues to flourish and grow.

Ry
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  #17  
Old 10-02-2013, 12:58 AM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
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Well, from his perspective... it's tough not having your needs met. D/s is not something I would be happy if it wasn't in my life either. I have pretty much sworn off vanilla romantic relationships at this point because they don't meet my needs.

Has he considered having an online Mistress at least, if you aren't interested and there's no local scene?
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  #18  
Old 10-03-2013, 09:40 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Ry.... Thank you for your kind words. I read your blog too. You and your family and how far you all have come after so much is heart warming.

Vicki.. Butch is more than free to seek out fulfillment where ever he can find it. I have given my blessing given some ideas to explore. What he does with it is up to him.

The last 2 days Butch has been off of work. Tried to spend some quality time with him. Of course he had to ruin things by bringing up CNET and chasity. He went so far as to ambush me with a pic from Fetlife on his smart phone. It just killed any good feelings I was having. He complains he gets no quality with me yet when I try he ruins it. The resentment I feel just ebbs to flow right back in again.

This weekend the kids and I are , are very excited that the"blue car"at Murf's. The boys are excited. It is the end of car show season and the 1972 Camaro is finally back on the road. I would rather take the 55 Chevy but Murf loves the Camaro so it gets to go. It is his drag racing car. I have spent the last 6 months helping get the money together to rebuild this car. Nothing makes me happier than to see the smile on his face when we take the Camaro out. It was his first car and he still has it over 20 years later.

I have been enjoying my new job. I really love working in veterinary medicine. I missed it. I love working as R's assistant too. He has been my best friend for 20yes. The language barrier is hard sometimes along with the time difference. But I get the job done. Hoping they do a us tour next. I only got to do a few limited East coast showlast time. My Health better Co operate for next summer.
__________________
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #19  
Old 10-04-2013, 05:44 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
The last 2 days Butch has been off of work. Tried to spend some quality time with him. Of course he had to ruin things by bringing up CNET and chasity. He went so far as to ambush me with a pic from Fetlife on his smart phone. It just killed any good feelings I was having. He complains he gets no quality with me yet when I try he ruins it. The resentment I feel just ebbs to flow right back in again.
He obviously has a different idea of what quality time is than you do. Perhaps the next time he complains that he has no quality time with you, ask him what he means by that and what he would want to do during that time. What does quality time and connecting with you mean for him? Maybe, since he knows you won't participate in kink, he hopes you could just talk about it with him? Are you against that as well?
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  #20  
Old 10-04-2013, 10:37 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Honestly it skeeves me out as well.

Asked him today before he headed into work what he would like to do for quality time with me.

He said he wanted alone time with me.... Well he gets that 3-4 days a week for several hours solo. No kids no one else. He has my undivided attention from 8 til 2 when he goes to work. I work part time midnights at an emergency vet clinic and I try to either do my personal assistant duties before he wakes up in the morning. I have to do a lot of business with Germany so working at 4am makes sense. My work stateside tends to be on weekends when both men are working. Or an overnight during the week. So He gets solo time with me daily. Murf has to share most of his with my children which HE NEVER complains about.

Butch ruins any quality moments by bringing up things he KNOWS makes me uncomfortable. It has been 12 years for Gods sake.
__________________
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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