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  #11  
Old 09-13-2013, 05:40 PM
pulliman pulliman is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Renivier View Post
Itís just. I feel like I have been disappointed so many times, I donít understand why it is so hard for him to be polite and respect my feelings?
Reading this, I noticed a reaction to the way you phrased this sentiment. There's a writer, Deborah Tannen, who has focused on the way people walk to each other and the way that certain phrases or words convey our expectations about a situation. "Just" is a pretty important word in her universe. Especially the way you write, it, "It's just." That sends a really strong signal that your expectations have been violated in some meaningful way.

It leads to a question which perhaps invents a positive out of a situation you thought was icky: how does the washing and brushing of teeth (which for you is about being polite and respect for your feelings) compare to his desire to see you as quickly as possible because, who knows, maybe he's really happy to see you and the other stuff just isn't as important?
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  #12  
Old 09-13-2013, 05:43 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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Im also curious if there is a time limit....if i see one of my guys and am intimate with him, and i dont see the other guy until 5 hours later without getting to brush my teeth, is it still gross?
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  #13  
Old 09-13-2013, 05:48 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Originally Posted by gorgeouskitten View Post
Im also curious if there is a time limit....if i see one of my guys and am intimate with him, and i dont see the other guy until 5 hours later without getting to brush my teeth, is it still gross?
What if there was a spicy dinner in between the fluid exchange and the attempted smooching?

Or like... a really strong breath mint?
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  #14  
Old 09-13-2013, 05:58 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
What if there was a spicy dinner in between the fluid exchange and the attempted smooching?

Or like... a really strong breath mint?
And does it matter if there were no fluids besides salivia in my mouth, followed by a mint, or a twinkie? (i just ate a twinkie)
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  #15  
Old 09-13-2013, 06:19 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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I imposed the kimchi rule on Beaker shortly after we started going out. Which was she had to brush at least 3 times before even thinking about kissing me after she ate kimchi. Man, that stuff reeks!

Anyway, to answer the OP seriously, it feels to me that brushing/mouthwash is 'standing in' for something else, something possibly much more serious. It reads like you fundamentally don't feel respected or treated well by the your partner. And this greatly frustrates you, which is understandable.
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  #16  
Old 09-13-2013, 10:54 PM
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BigGuy BigGuy is offline
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I suppose if you can't trust the guy, you could always make him wear a dental dam when you want to kiss him.
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  #17  
Old 09-14-2013, 10:57 PM
monkeystyle monkeystyle is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BigGuy View Post
I suppose if you can't trust the guy, you could always make him wear a dental dam when you want to kiss him.
Now that's got the makings of an interesting moment, lol.

"Excuse me darling, I need to fetch the Saran Wrap for our date tonight."
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  #18  
Old 09-15-2013, 02:28 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Interesting...

Made me talk to my guys a bit.

We have a "condoms" rule when outside the Vee...but no rules about showering and teethbrushing...guess we don't have much squick-factor. I know that I have gone from having sex/oral with one to having sex/oral with the other. If they are with someone else, I don't expect them to make any special cleanliness actions before they are with me and vice versa. (I don't mind second-hand juices...I would have been there myself if invited/interested.)

However, if this is something that your guy knows about and had agreed to - then he should abide by it...

Also, I like strong flavors and tend to have strong body odors if I have been active...if one of my boys is turned off by this they say "Bathe her and bring her to me." - then I know to wash/brush before pressing further...

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  #19  
Old 09-15-2013, 06:38 AM
Arius Arius is offline
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My partner and I have a "shower after having sex with others" rule. I would be really pissed if she didn't follow through.

Your SO is violating your boundaries. You need to make it clear to him how serious that is. If he doesn't respect your boundaries, he doesn't respect you.

I've screwed up on boundaries before, as i'm sure we all have - but never the same one twice. That shows a real lack of regard for your needs, which is a big red flag for me.

In my opinion, he needs to change his behaviour before you change SOs.
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