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Old 01-23-2017, 07:36 PM
Lea Lea is offline
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 63
Default Life With Lea

This is c/ped actually from another site I blog on. I'll move stuff over here and there as I can. Writing about being poly has been really helpful for me as well.

(As a note, if you recognize it and want to say that, please PM me rather than asking here about my identity <3)

Iíve spend my life as a unknowingly polyamorous person in a monogamous world, wondering why I was happy with my relationship, but still unhappy in general. As in, I love my partner, being with my partner and spending time with my partner and yet, constantly feel like something is always missing. For most of my life, I just assumed something was wrong with me, that I was one of those people that just couldnít be content with what she had. I spent my life in daydreams and buried myself in roleplay with characters who were always a little part of me. I walked the line of cheating, had relationships on the internet, and dreamed of other lives than the one I had.

Maybe a lot of that is normal. Itís hard to know, because most of us donít talk about those things that arenít in line with the Ďnormí. And while the world has become more and more accepting of alternate lifestyles, sexuality, and gender-identity (even though we still have a long way to go), statistically there isnít a lot of acceptance of polyamory. It isnít openly talked about (yet) and in my opinion, is highly misunderstood.

So the thought of this blog crossed my mind as a place that I can talk about and others can talk to me about if they wish. This blog is open for all comments, but no judgement of those who comment or what lifestyles they choose. I am no more opposed to monogamy than I believe people should be opposed to polyamory, and believe that just like sexuality and gender identity, what you do in the bedroom and who you love and how you want to express yourself are personal choices that should be celebrated and not criticized.

When I came to [website], I labeled myself as monogamous, bi-curious heterosexual, but stated that on [website] I was polyamorous and bisexual. What I was really saying was that I was living in the real world one way, and able to be myself on [website], but I hadnít quite connected that the person I was being on [website] was always who I really wanted to be and hadnít realized it or allowed that realization to be understood. Now I know that Iím fully 100% bisexual in romantic, sexual, and emotional sense and experiencing polyamory and forming true committed relationship outside of monogamy has satisfied me in a way that Iíve never felt in my entire life.

And looking back for the past 20 years, I can see the signs like blinding headlights now. The things I did, the lines I walked, the justifications I made, the needs I had but never allowed myself, the desires that constantly plagued me and the feeling of being so trapped in a cage that when I broke, I broke.

I am no expert on poly, so donít expect me to be. I couldnít tell you how to be success in poly short of what Iíve always considered to be obvious - honesty, respect, and communication - but this is new territory for me as well.

What I am, if not an expert on, very knowledgeable on are the emotions and experiences of a woman who traveled through life unsatisfied and finally came to understand who she was, who felt caged and trapped in a life that just wasnít exactly what she needed and yet one she couldnít imagine ever giving up, and how she finally came to understand who she was and what she needed. This journey spans twenty years, although the bulk of the changes have happened in the last two, since I came to [website]. In truth, [website] has really opened my eyes to who I am and given me a chance to understand myself better. And for that Iím grateful.
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