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  #21  
Old 01-19-2011, 08:52 PM
mrladyslipper mrladyslipper is offline
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Thanks everyone for your thoughts... Lots of good points made!

I am bi-curious (both my wife and i r) but if my friend is not into that i am ok with it! We are ONLY looking for a triad out this deeper friendship and will talk to him about everything we are feeling for him! My wife wants to be with my friend and i at the same time (3way, hate that term...lol) and if he is not ok with that we will not go further. Like my wife stated: But I don't think you have to be bi to be with the same lady at once... ? You can be in a mfm triad and do not have to be bi... We sent him an email today, little details...and will talk to him in person when we can meet up with him. We told him to take his time with the email and if he does not want to meet up this wkend and just talk then we can wait (no rush for us). We will be straight to the point about our thoughts (including him with us 2 in bed and etc) with him and see what he states. If he only wants to be with my wife or I then we will not go any further like i stated (my wife agreed with me when we talked). We are a close group and love him around your family and feel very safe when he is hang out with our daughter. My wife and i have talked about this for the last 4 days and i think we have talked about every that has been posted. I (my wife too) do not want to get our hopes up to high and if he is not into this at all then we will be ok with it! He is the only guy we would want with us in a triad (3way)... If this does not work out then we would like to find another couple slowly down the road.

Thanks again everyone! I think we have enough info for a bit...lol Wonderful site! My wife and i are happy to take the next step even if it is not with my good friend.
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  #22  
Old 01-19-2011, 09:09 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Its totally possible to have a mfm relationship sexually without the men being bi. My guys aren't sexual together but we have had sex together. PN is bi and poly, Mono not. Read my blog and Mono's cohabitation tread. Not to mention the poly vingnettes sticky for more on our family.

Good luck!
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  #23  
Old 01-19-2011, 09:24 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyslipper View Post
But I don't think you have to be bi to be with the same lady at once... ?
No, that was in case you were looking for a relationship in which all three of you would be involved all at once, which is generally what's understood by "triad". What you do want is referred to as a "vee" or "V", with you as the hinge or pivot, meaning you would be involved with both of them but they wouldn't be directly involved with one another, only through you.

Some men might be uncomfortable with the idea of being close to another man while having sex, but a lot of them probably wouldn't, and really the only way to know is ask him!
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  #24  
Old 01-19-2011, 10:08 PM
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TL4everu2 TL4everu2 is offline
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On being bi and in a MFM relationship: It is NOT necissary to be bi to be in that dynamic. I am not bi. I'm not even bi-curious. To my knowledge, neither was my best friend at the time. I am just NOT homophobic. So when parts touched, it wasn't a problem. The overall goal, was to please my wife. And please her we did.
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  #25  
Old 01-24-2011, 03:04 PM
ladyslipper ladyslipper is offline
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So I wanted to stop back and share my lessons about propositioning a friend via e-mail. My husband and I were both very concerned with how the revelation of this new idea we were exploring would impact our friendship with the person we were attempting to bring into our marriage. My husband was correct I think, in assuming that he would feel more comfortable with an e-mail. So we tried to e-mail him in an attempt to prepare him for an actual face to face. This ended up coming off cryptic and he asked us just to "spit it out". We obliged. The thing about laying this all out in an e-mail was that we didn't want to say too much or too little. We ended up having the discussion with out ever having the discussion. And while we wanted it to be easy for him to say no we also wanted him to say yes. The thing we couldn't see coming for some reason was the huge empty spaces in all of this that he was left to fill in for himself. With out the benefit of ever looking us in the eyes or saying what came to mind at the moment it came to mind. It was entirely too easy to dismiss the whole thing completely. I won't go so far as to say he didn't give it enough thought or he doesn't know what he's missing but I can't help feeling we missed the mark on this one. He's decided it just isn't for him. Who am I to say otherwise, still, I'll hold out hope that the idea continues to grow in his mind. My husband and I have certainly benefited greatly from all the discussions we've had. Thanks again to everyone here.
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  #26  
Old 01-24-2011, 03:57 PM
mrladyslipper mrladyslipper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyslipper View Post
So I wanted to stop back and share my lessons about propositioning a friend via e-mail. My husband and I were both very concerned with how the revelation of this new idea we were exploring would impact our friendship with the person we were attempting to bring into our marriage. My husband was correct I think, in assuming that he would feel more comfortable with an e-mail. So we tried to e-mail him in an attempt to prepare him for an actual face to face. This ended up coming off cryptic and he asked us just to "spit it out". We obliged. The thing about laying this all out in an e-mail was that we didn't want to say too much or too little. We ended up having the discussion with out ever having the discussion. And while we wanted it to be easy for him to say no we also wanted him to say yes. The thing we couldn't see coming for some reason was the huge empty spaces in all of this that he was left to fill in for himself. With out the benefit of ever looking us in the eyes or saying what came to mind at the moment it came to mind. It was entirely too easy to dismiss the whole thing completely. I won't go so far as to say he didn't give it enough thought or he doesn't know what he's missing but I can't help feeling we missed the mark on this one. He's decided it just isn't for him. Who am I to say otherwise, still, I'll hold out hope that the idea continues to grow in his mind. My husband and I have certainly benefited greatly from all the discussions we've had. Thanks again to everyone here.
Very well stated!

I feel the email was the best way with this person but other people might be better face to face. Our friend sparked a new way in our life as a married couple and i thank him for that. We did a lot of talking this last week and learned a lot more about each other and yourselfs... How really deep our love is for each other and how we would like to share our lifes with anothers in the future. The idea is in his head so we are always open for him to join us. We have decide to take our time and try to find a nice couple in the area that would like to slowly build a friendship in a deeper level.

Thanks again for all the post!
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  #27  
Old 01-24-2011, 07:49 PM
Laylah Laylah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyslipper View Post
So I wanted to stop back and share my lessons about propositioning a friend via e-mail. My husband and I were both very concerned with how the revelation of this new idea we were exploring would impact our friendship with the person we were attempting to bring into our marriage. My husband was correct I think, in assuming that he would feel more comfortable with an e-mail. So we tried to e-mail him in an attempt to prepare him for an actual face to face. This ended up coming off cryptic and he asked us just to "spit it out". We obliged. The thing about laying this all out in an e-mail was that we didn't want to say too much or too little. We ended up having the discussion with out ever having the discussion. And while we wanted it to be easy for him to say no we also wanted him to say yes. The thing we couldn't see coming for some reason was the huge empty spaces in all of this that he was left to fill in for himself. With out the benefit of ever looking us in the eyes or saying what came to mind at the moment it came to mind. It was entirely too easy to dismiss the whole thing completely. I won't go so far as to say he didn't give it enough thought or he doesn't know what he's missing but I can't help feeling we missed the mark on this one. He's decided it just isn't for him. Who am I to say otherwise, still, I'll hold out hope that the idea continues to grow in his mind. My husband and I have certainly benefited greatly from all the discussions we've had. Thanks again to everyone here.
Well.. atleast now you guys know.. how he feels on it all.. and you can honestly say youve gotten over a hurdle so to speak.. I was right though.. he didnt kill ya.. it was either yea or neigh And its always easier later on MOST of the time anyway.. if someone else comes along.. at least you got the knowledge that you can ask these kinds of things and not be to shy about it.

I think maybe even though your friend said no .... that maybe it brought the two of you closer together. So thats always a good thing.
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