#11
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http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=54405 I just had moments of doubt over my boyfriend having others, there are some good responses on there to me that you may find helpful. If you and your wife want polyfidelity with a third, it is probably unlikely.
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keep on keeping on |
#12
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This is not uncommon in these types of relationships, so what you need to do for the best possible outcome for everyone would be to re-think this notion of exclusivity, enjoy what time you all have together and do not interfere with her other relationships. If you are unwilling to release this control perhaps poly is not the best choice for you? |
#13
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A good article on couple privilege:
http://tacit.livejournal.com/578925.html Hope this helps somewhat...
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Dramatis personae: Me: 47/F, Divorced with 2 kids, 2 cats, fish, a tarantula, and a 1930s house with many projects. Chops: 48/M, Partner of 6 years. Spinner: 52/M, Friend I went on a couple dates with. Divorced, Mono, "just friends". Xena: 47/F, Chops' partner of 6 years Curls: 50/F, Chops' partner of 1 year Supporting Characters: Choplet: Chops' son DanceGirl: My oldest daughter Pokégirl: My youngest daughter |
#14
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![]() Thank you I think that that term explains a lot. I don't know if my wife and I can move pass that or not. We are willing to share her in our lives as much as she wants but yes we are selfish and have trouble if she moves beyond just us. Maybe we aren't really poly and maybe we aren't really fair. It was hard to watch a loved one go and I'm not so sure we can bring her back (if she wants back) under her terms. I guess I am writing here as a way to get some of my feeling out and see what others think. I understand our choices may be different from others and I hope people respect that just as much as I will respect theirs. My wife and I are trying and it is a learn as you go approach. |
#15
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Did she live with you?
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#16
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#17
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She had her own place but would be over between 3-5 times a week. I should also add that there is an age difference (she is younger) and I think she was afraid of commitment at this stage in her life
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#18
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And if you and wife feel you have love for another, then do your research, figure out what you want for yourselves individually and if poly is for each of you or not. You may be a couple but you both are still individuals. |
#19
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I think it's easy to assume it's commitment that is the problem but it's more likely to be that she wants what you had, a chance to establish her own family. You attempted to prevent her from doing that and she, rightly, ended things. This is very often the course of things in these kinds of relationship which is why they are quite rare to find and maintain. It's not judgement or differing opinion, it's just what is.
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#20
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unicorn hunting, unicorns |
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