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Old 09-04-2013, 05:55 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,271

That's been difficult for me as an introvert - I crave a bit of alone time to recharge.
To me? In the polymath, there is also the tier of relationship I call the

"me <---> me (how I relate to myself.)"
Your need to be healthy. It is a NEED. Not a want. Spreading yourself thin and burning out as the hinge is a risk you could guard against.

Time is a limited non-human resource. There's only 24 hours in a day.

If your goal is healthy you in a healthy, harmonious polyshipping arrangement (which implies a healthy relationship with BF and a healthy relationships with DH)...

You guys could each accept the time allowance you each have to work with and make the time budget so all persons needs are covered WELL and all relationship needs are covered WELL first so each relationship tier could be healthy.

Then could cover the extra wants with the extra time left if there is any. There may be some small disappointments that not ALL wants happen. But that is easier to take if needs ARE being met.

My husband (and I ) would love it if he had a girlfriend but with his schedule he does have trouble meeting people. Truth is though, if we really want it we will find a way and stop making excuses. It's about priorities.
Even with a GF, the (you + him) layer would still need to set time aside to relate in your OWN relationship together. Every relationship needs time/space to relate IN.

If you find you aren't scheduling it in a balanced way now when 3 people want a piece of the time pie, and each relationship needs time to happen IN... how well will you do it with 4 people wanting time pie and more relationship layers needing time to happen in? There's only so much pie.

To me? It is NOT only about "priorities." It is also about the limitations of your situation. Limits of the time available, money, distance, etc -- to be able to afford to date other people well. Evey person has a different polysaturation point. Every relationship has a different price tag for admission and price tag to maintain and upkeep. The "price" is not in dollars -- but in time spent relating.

For your marriage? Your statement could also work written this way --

"Truth is though, if we each really want to make time to spend together dating each other for the marriage to be healthy, we could find a way and stop making excuses. It's about priorities."

In your quest for better balance with wants, needs, limits, and time management, you and your polypartners could talk about poly hell and how to avoid that and other pitfalls.

Growing pains is normal -- but pitfalls don't have to be a huge part of your picture or a dealbreaker if you plan ahead for dealing with them.

Again, I think it is reasonable for your DH to ask if you are willing to leave time aside to spend with just him alone.

Whether you are willing/able to meet that request is up to you and if it is in line with your goals or not.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 09-04-2013 at 07:17 PM.
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