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  #1  
Old 11-20-2013, 10:52 PM
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BiggMike BiggMike is offline
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Default Friend from High School introduced me

I am new and eager to meet. So be gentle....lol My Name is Mike and I am 48 (well will be in a couple days) 8 Years US Army I am an Airbrush artist and I own my own store. I have been involved in a swingers lifestyle before, I know this is not the same, and I think I fit better here. I am very friendly and I love the touching and affection. I just dont want to do or say the wrong thing to make anyone mad or hate me. I will say I am very straight but not afraid if you know what I mean. So really I am looking for mentors or several mentors to help guide me in the right direction.....


Mike
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Old 11-22-2013, 01:18 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hey there Mike,
Welcome to our forum.

Re:
Quote:
"I just don't want to do or say the wrong thing to make anyone mad or hate me."
Ohhh man ... Let me just hand you a cigar and say, "Welcome to my club. Your suffering will be legendary, even in Hell ..."

Nobutseriously, 96.8% of the active members are quite mild and easygoing and will encourage you along the way. But alas, a site this big is bound to harbor a few who are easy to offend, and hard to placate. All's I can do is request your pardon for that 3.2%, pardon yourself for any faux pas, and enjoy the important part you play in (what I feel certain is) the world's biggest poly forum.

Perhaps it will help if at first you just lurk and then dip your toes in cautiously in the shallow end of the pool. Work your way in gradually. Study our various threads and boards and see what calls to you. Post questions and comments as the spirit (a.k.a. intuition) guides you. If you post and it gets "lost in the shuffle," chalk that up to the site's busyness and re-post so as to get yourself back on top of the "New Posts" queue.

About 92% of the time your posts will be answered -- usually gently and courteously but keep one principle in mind: If you can endure the occasional "flame," you'll be rewarded with the collective wisdom of a wide range of experiences and perspectives. That can help a lot when you're looking for right-direction guidance. Admittedly not worth it to all but I still consider it a good deal.

But if you ever get too weighed down by the (infrequent) negativity, I also recommend Polyamorous Percolations which is a much less busy/exciting site, but a good poly forum nonetheless and one with a considerable reputation for playing nice and not taking offense.

I personally like involving myself on both sites. You merely need to figure out what works best for you, and follow that path. I'd suggest at least giving Polyamory.com a moderate try, and see if you like it (as I do). Oh and by the way, the Golden Nuggets board is a great place to start around here.

Glad to have you aboard.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Old 11-22-2013, 02:05 AM
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BiggMike BiggMike is offline
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Thanks Kevin....were do I start looking for a possible lady that is polyamorous?
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Old 11-22-2013, 02:23 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Well ... try a few of these:

http://www.okcupid.com/
http://polyamory.meetup.com/
http://www.polymatchmaker.com/
http://www.polyamory.org/SF/groups.html
http://polyevents.blogspot.com/#localgroups
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=11
http://openingup.net/resources/local-orginizations-u-s/

Some of those are dating sites, some are resources for finding local poly groups in your area. Another thing to try would be googling "Phoenix polyamory" and/or "Arizona polyamory" and see if a few more local poly groups don't pop up.

And ...

Quote:
"As for where to meet poly people, if by some chance you are interested in anything alternative like Renaissance fairs, goth culture, sci-fi conventions, indie music, bdsm, or any small fringe group, you will be more likely to meet people who have at least heard of poly and are accepting of it."
-- SpaceHippieGeek, http://polyamoryonline.org/smf/index...57394#msg57394
Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.

Hope that helps.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Old 11-22-2013, 02:32 PM
PatG PatG is offline
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Well Mike, what was sugguested above.

Also * to my way of thinking* , reflect to your previous experiences in the Swinging World. To the larger vanilla world, the biggest single factor of any of these activities/ lifestyles is non-manogamy. The members of the Poly world and the Swinging world may/ may not see them as totally different , or may/ may not see at least aspects being on a sliding continimum. The biggest quantum leap is non-manogonmy, after that it is comparitivly all fine print.

Or as Plan C , don't go out of your way to only meet the already poly identified ( a small target). Also look for potential partners based on open mindedness generally ( a lot larger target area ). Then you can also introduce the concept of poly-ish .
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Old 11-23-2013, 12:45 AM
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Side note: I know a few polyamorists who also swing. Such as someone with two committed romantic partners, who also attends swing clubs (perhaps all three partners attend the clubs).

So there's probably a slider between swing and poly ("play with strangers but don't fall in love with them," sliding all the way over to "romance, commitment, and emotional attachment are always the orders of the day; sex is a 'side issue'"), but there's also some manifest mix/match and overlap.

Sorry for the minor hijack.
Kevin
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